Lying From You
by waitingfornow
Summary: AU/AH: Four months ago, Jasper Hale walked away from Baylee Carter. Returning home for vacation, both are now forced to accept new changes and old wounds. Sequel to Breathe.
1. Lying from You

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ The official start of the sequel to __Breathe__. I just want to thank you guys for continuing over onto this story and again express my gratitude for reading this far. I hope you guys like the next installment and all the plans I have for it. New angst, new drama. New stories to tell! I'm still going to do songs for each chapter, but this time around I decided to add in lyrics. But I won't be doing that with this first chapter. Mainly because two albums inspired this one. I revisited my love of Linkin Park's first two albums, as well as one they did with Jay-Z. Hence the title of this story! So check those out and keep in mind that those songs are going to be influencing this story a lot. As well as Fort Minor's 'The Rising Tied' CD. So check those out and get to reading! Enjoy._

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I'm just taking responsibility for Baylee._

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**Chapter One:**

One of the best inventions ever created was headphones. Those big, black studio headphones that vibrate against your ears when you're listening to something really loud. They have insanely long cords that sometimes get in the way, but are generally ideal under ordinary circumstances.

It was that long cord that enabled me to lay on my bed as black studio headphones bassed the CD I was listening to into my ears. I hadn't listened to this in so long, but I knew every single word by heart. Still. A mash-up between a once beloved band and a rapper that I didn't really listen to. I liked him well enough, sure. After all, I'd somehow gotten my hands on a replacement copy of the CD.

The original had been lost in a fire that claimed the lives of my mother and step-father. I'd almost died in that same fire, but by the sheer grace of God; I'd been found in time. But I hadn't completely escaped the damage that tore my entire life apart and ultimately led me to my new home of Forks, Washington.

It still confused me at times, how I came to be here. A promise between friends landed me with a prominant doctor and his wife. Their adopted children became my siblings and one of their children was actually my childhood best friend.

I just wasn't entirely sure I could call him that anymore.

Jasper Whitlock Hale had gone off to college and had been keeping his distance. At first it was okay, he came back whenever he could and spent time with the family. I was usually scarce on those weekends, knowing he didn't want to see me or have anything to do with me. Not after how we'd left things at the end of the summer. Then life got in the way and I suddenly found myself having a social life. Thanks in large part to my only friend outside of the family, Bella Swan. The girl now dating my other adopted brother, Edward Cullen.

Watching those two together was probably the cutest thing I'd ever seen in my life. I'd spent so much time when I first came to live with the Cullen family trying to get them together. But in the end, they hadn't needed my help. They came together naturally, through a love of shared interests and physical attraction. It was strange to think about now and where their relationship was compared to how it'd been when I left for Santa Cruz for the summer.

Santa Cruz, California. Where everything started the came to a screeching, crashing halt. The summer where I thought I was going to get every single thing I'd never even known I wanted. I got everything then lost it all just as quickly. All because I couldn't let my guard down and trust the one person I'd once been able to trust as a child.

A small grimace contorted my features when the onslight of memories threatened to break through carefully cultivated barriers. I didn't want to think about that. I _refused_ to revisit the memories that made me feel like I was being stabbed with thousands of tiny needles, all over my body. Vaulting off the bed, I pulled the studio headphones down around my neck and grabbed a different CD.

I was on a massive kick now, not entirely sure what had caused it. I just heard a sample of an old favorite and was instantly launched back into that world. Back into loving a band that had seen me through some massively difficult times. But this record, the one I switched out for the mash-up between rock and rap, this was one I could just put on and enjoy. Readjusting the volume, I unplugged the headphones and set the CD to random. The beats flooded through my room almost immediately and I relaxed into the rhythm, smiling as my hips started to sway to one of my favorite tracks on the entire disc.

I loved being able to get lost in the music, and now be free to move as I wanted. It'd been a year since the fire that had claimed my childhood and I was as healed as I was going to ever get without more surgeries on the scars that riddled the left side of my neck and shoulder before spiraling down to cover my entire back then a small portion of my stomach. It was still diffcult for my family to see the scars, but at least they'd become able to hide the grimaces whenever I walked around in a tank top.

I was just thankful that the burns stopped right where my jeans had rested on my hips that fateful night. Denim had saved my lower body from destruction, but it was only by the sheer grace of God that I was only burned on the upper part of my body.

The tracks switched and I started to bob my head in time with the music as I started to dance around. The space in my room was limited at best, since I had one of the smallest rooms in the entire house, but right then I didn't care. Dancing and the pulsing beats were providing a very welcome distraction, keeping me from thinking about the things I was still trying desperately to run from. One in particular.

It was Christmas break and Jasper was coming home from college for the entire vacation. Instead of the weekend incriments that I was used to.

There was more to him coming home, I could just feel it. I knew that the rest of my foster family was aware, but they weren't telling me. I was being kept in the dark, no longer a part of any conversation that centered around the fair-haired son of Dr. Carlisle and Mrs. Esme Cullen.

Most days, that was how I liked it. I liked being blissfully unaware of how Jasper's life had shaped up in Seattle, where he was attending art school. From the little information I overheard, he was doing pretty well. This was his first year away from home but he didn't seem as homesick as I originally thought he would be, back when I was first told this piece of news. He had decided to actually go away for school, instead of sticking close to home then transferring out later.

I just refused to let myself be concieted enough to factor myself into his decision. I didn't want to worry if I was the reason he didn't want to stay at home anymore.

"Someone's feeling better." I whirled around instantly when I heard a new voice break through Mike Shinoda's lyrics and quickly shut off the stereo.

My tiny brunette sister, and probably my best friend in the entire family, smiled as she skipped into the room and planted herself on my neatly made bed. Alice was a force to be wreckoned with, that was the easiest way to describe her. She was thrilled now that I was back to almost full mobility. She loved dressing me, seeming to know which outfits would hide the extend of bodily damage. And I had to admit, I was relieved to have her in my life and on my side. Even with all the turmoil I'd unleashed on her family. If she blamed me for the friction between myself and Jasper, she didn't admit it. I didn't think she ever would, if I was being honest with myself.

Loyal to the end, that was Alice Cullen. Our other sister, Rosalie Hale? Well, she had started out as a slightly different story.

When the summer ended and she prepared to go off to college with the love of her life, Emmett Cullen; I honestly figured that she wouldn't stake any kind of claim in the disaster known as me and Jasper. I figured she would just steer clear and let us do our own things. But I was wrong, very wrong. While she understood my situation, to an extent; I could feel a little hostility from her. Completely deserved when I finally sat down and let my brain process all the changes.

But when she came into my room one night and found me crying, holding a picture of her brother to my chest; her entire stance on everything changed. I wasn't sure what caused it. I had no idea if my tears or the agony I'd momentarily let have me changed her mind, but the next day I walked upstairs and overheard her screaming at the boy she shared a last name with. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have simply stopped fighting and let me push him away?

Those questions suddenly began to bounce through my head so violently that I forgot about Alice until she began to jerk violently on my arm. My left arm.

"What?!" I hissed and pulled away from her. That little movement only succeeded in sending me flailing onto my bed and I breathed a mental sigh of relief. I always did that when I was able to do something normal and felt no pain. The little discomforts now was nothing compared to the searing agony I was introduced to when I regained consciousness after the fire.

"I said that Esme wanted me to come see if you'd changed your mind about coming with us to the airport."

"The airport?" Apparently I was more out of it than I originally thought. Jasper's arrival home that night had completely slipped my mind for a second. The sole reason I put my headphones on to drown out the rest of the world.

But now it all came crashing back down and a brief flicker of pain flashed across Alice's eyes as she looped her arms through mine. "Okay, already knew the answer to that."

I smiled balefully at my pixie-haired sister then shrugged and struggled to my feet again. I needed my fix of music again, I needed something else to force my mind onto. "I don't think he wants me there. And I know there's something y'all aren't telling me." I shrugged then turned my head to look at her as I sent Fort Minor pulsing through my room once more. "Besides, I have the closing shift tonight."

Alice sighed and when my eyes flickered to the clock on my bedside table, I swore under my breath. I'd gotten so lost in my own little world that time had flown by. If I didn't get a move on, I was going to be late.

"Go!" She waved me off, which sent me into a flurry of movement. The only good thing about my job was the uniform.

Carlisle and Esme had been a little hesitant at first when I went to them and declared that I wanted a part-time job. Carlisle argued, naturally, that it was too soon for me to go back to work. I should've been focusing on school, not trying to figure out a way to earn extra money. But I couldn't just sit around and not contribute something. Even though Carlisle was a pretty successful doctor that came from old money, his family based out of Chicago; none of his children had to work for a single thing they had. But I wanted to work, I needed that sense of fulfillment that getting a check every two weeks could provide. Plus it kept me out of the house and busy, so I was willing to take the work burden head-on.

So I set up a compromise with the doc and his wife, who was also strongly opposed to my finding work. When I officially turned eighteen back in October, I agreed to stay with the Cullens if I was allowed to obtain a job. The Lodge was the only formal dining setup we had in Forks, and it was there that I was hired on as a waitress. Carlisle had been forced to go with me to my interview so that he could explain my limitations and I had the conviction of a doctor that had briefly helped on my case. As the months wore on, I started to get stronger and more proficent. I was able to pretty much do everything on my own now, and none of the people I worked with knew about the crippling scars I'd had to battle back from. They had no idea about the extent of muscle and nerve damage that had only finally healed into what I now was. And with the uniform I had to wear; plain white button up and black slacks, no one could _see_ the horrors of my past.

My hair had also grown out enough that I was finally starting to feel more normal. The wigs I'd been gifted months after moving in with this family were no longer needed. Dark blonde locks hung to my ear now and was cut stylishly in a cute bob. While I wasn't entirely thrilled with having short hair, I'd never really had traditional haircuts as a child, I was just glad that I no longer had to worry about people only seeing me as a surviving burn victim. Yet another thing I sacrificed to the fire, my waist-length hair.

Pulling on my uniform, I pulled my favorite pair of black boots out and sat down to start lacing them up. Alice kept me company, even somehow talking me into letting her do my makeup. Hair was off-limits. It was still too short to really do anything with and since Alice kept hers in an adorably cute pixie cut, she couldn't offer her expertise anymore. A silent thrill went through me as I thought about someday needing Rosalie's help when my hair got long enough.

"Okay," I sighed once I was finally presentable enough to be released from Alice's torturous grip. As soon as I was on my feet, she pulled me into a tight hug then held me back at arm's length. "Give Jasper a nod for me, okay?"

She smiled knowingly at me then nodded and waved as I grabbed my stuff and headed out. Another surprise on my eighteenth birthday was a car. My very own set of wheels that I had access to whenever I wanted to get out of the house. The sight of my beautiful 2009 Camaro sat in between Edward's pristine Volvo and Carlisle's prized Mercedes. I still couldn't believe that the sleek piece of midnight blue machinery was mine.

I slid in behind the wheel effortlessly and smiled when the scent of new leather filled my nostrils. Pulling the CD I'd been listening to in the house out of my bag, I loaded it into the car's stereo, cranked the volume then directed my car toward the Lodge. As I drove, I tried to lose myself in the music again, to give myself the mental breather I would need to get through the rest of the night.

But in the back of my mind, I couldn't entirely silence the little voice in the back of my head. This night wasn't going to end the way I wanted it to, not by a long-shot.

When I finally walked out of the Lodge, hours later and sixty bucks richer, I checked my phone and nearly fell over in surprise. I had eleven missed calls, but only one voicemail. Any other time, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Alice had a tendency of blowing up my phone to see where I was, or when I'd be coming home. And usually, if she got riled up enough, she would convince Esme to help her track me down.

But my entire family knew where I was, and they knew that I wouldn't answer my phone while I was waiting tables. Even though the night was slow by normal standards, I couldn't shake a certain level of professionalism that kept my phone in my back pocket.

I sighed and shook my head slightly, waiting until I was safely locked in my car before I called into my voicemail to see who the message had come from and what cuold possibly have caused eleven missed conversations.

"_Baylee! Why can't you break rules just this once and answer your phone?!_" Alice's perfect little voice greeted me instantly, without any preamble. A peculiar feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as I deciphered her voice. It lacked it's usual perkiness. She had news for me, I was well aware of that. But whatever this was?

Well, this was something I wasn't going to like. At all.

The message played on from there, my tiny sister demanding I call her the first chance I got. She didn't give me any hints as to why she was _actually_ calling, and that worried me even more. Tossing the phone into the passenger seat, I started my car and headed home. I couldn't even concentrate on the music flowing from my stereo as I drove, I was too nervous and worried. The little voice in the back of my head reared back to life, trying to offer up some senarios about the feeling I'd been battling through my entire shift. What had I missed in going to greet Jasper at the airport?

All too soon, I was home and parking my car in the garage for the night. I noticed the sleek outline of Jasper's motorcycle. I couldn't help wondering if he'd been given that gift yet, or if Carlisle and Esme were planning to wait until Christmas to unveil that lavish expense. I couldn't imagine him getting it back to Seattle. Not with the distance and the fact that a ferry was needed to complete some of the journey. Unless you went way out of the way and bypassed that all together. But still.

Forks wasn't exactly known for it's bright and shiny weather. It rained here more than just about any other place in the continental US. The Olympic Peninsula had lived up to it's name of being the wettest place on earth. Not exactly ideal weather for a bike owner.

I grabbed my stuff and locked my car, trying to push thoughts of Jasper and the hidden gift from my mind. I tried to be quiet as I snuck in through the back door. My room was located on the first floor, near the rear of the house. On nights like this, when I got in so late that all I wanted was my pillow, I was grateful for room placements. I had the only bedroom on the first floor and had even gotten over the paranoia about sharing a bathroom with whichever guests we had in the house.

Dumping my stuff in my room, I sighed heavily and flipped the light on. I was so concentrated on changing clothes that I didn't even notice the figure looming in the corner, curled up in the plush chair I'd brought into my room when I started feeling better. I'd just started to unbutton my shirt so I could exchange it for my tank top and pajama pants combo when I was alerted to the fact that I wasn't as along as I'd originally figured.

"_Please_ turn around before you start unbuttoning that!"

I yelped in surprise and whirled around quickly, my hand slapped over my chest. Recognizing Rosalie's voice first, I relaxed a little by the time I turned to face her.

"You scared the hell out of me." I rushed out in a quiet whisper and threw my sleep clothes onto my bed, instead concentrating on freeing my aching feet from my shoes and second-skin like socks. "What gives, Rose?"

She huffed out a incoherent noise and settled back into the chair she'd climbed out of to catch my attention before I completely disrobed. "Just wanted to warn you before you ventured out into the rest of the house."

"Warn me about what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I tossed my used socks aside then dug through a dresser drawer for a fresh set. Straightening back up, understanding dawned slowly in my head and I slowly pivoted back around to face her before continuing on to my bed. "If it's about Jasper, I _really_ don't want to hear it, okay?"

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it slowly. Her shoulders bounced in a nonchalant shrug and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Is that what you really want? To not talk about Jasper?"

"Yes." I replied and stressed the word heavily as I plopped down on my bed. "All I really want to do right now is change my clothes, get something to eat then crash. In that exact order, no room for compromise or change of planning."

"All right." She sighed and hefted herself up. I expected her to leave the room then, to give me the privacy I needed so I could change without my back being gaped at. But she surprised me for the second time tonight. Instead of going straight for the door, she came up my side of the bed then leaned down and tentatively put her arms around my shoulders.

I knew that the hesitance in her arms wasn't for my healed injuries. This was the embrace from a woman that wasn't entirely sure the gesture would be warmly recieved. I hugged her back with one arm, my other hand groping blindly for my pajamas.

"I'm sorry." She sighed the words out once she was upright again and stared at me with a weird mixture of sorrow in her vibrant eyes. But before I could question her, to see _why_ she was sorry, she turned and left the room.

Okay, that was probably going to be the weirdest night of my life. Then again, my luck had a tendency of not being that forgiving.


	2. The Hard Way

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ The second chapter! Thanks so much for all the love, it means a lot._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking responsibility for Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: THE HARD WAY - FORT MINOR/KENNA**

_**"Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven. Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes. So what do you do when somebody lets you down? And you wanna say something but you can't cause they're not around. Inside you think they know the extent of the pain, but they won't even admit that they were the one to blame. Can somebody please just explain to me, what happened to the way that we always said we'd be? Cause right now I don't know why I pushed through the pain that I got through and I'm losing hope. Give me one reason not to."**_

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**Chapter Two:**

A wide yawn split the cracked corners of my lips before my eyes even opened. I could feel the sunlight streaming in on my bare arms. Wait, arm. My other arm was registering a different kind of warmth.

With a jolt, I shot upright in bed and looked around wildly. Edward's laughter rang through my ears as I slowly regrouped, wondering why in the hell I was being woken up and in this manner.

"Good morning." He smiled brightly at me, looking dressed for the day in a faded tee shirt and jeans. Squinting at him, I just flipped him off then turned to flop back on my side, forcing my back to face him.

"Don't see what's so good about it."

"Ouch." He teased and gave me a quick poke on the back of my shoulder. Edward was still the only one in the house that thought about what he did before he touched me. At first, I wanted to smack him for it, but after a while, I realized that he was used to the person I'd been when I came to live with his family. There hadn't been enough time yet for him to adjust to Baylee 2.0. "Someone's cranky."

"Long night." I muttered then sighed into my pillow as I got comfortable once again. But that was only fleeting. Edward was just as obnoxiously annoying as his tiny sister, and made no qualms about it when it suited his purpose. He simply changed positions and flopped down beside me to rest his chin on my exposed arm, jostling my body as much as possible in the process.

"What do you want?" I whined and turned on my back, swatting him away as I got comfortable.

"Breakfast." He beamed at me then grabbed my arm and sat up. My captive limb pulled me upright once more with a grunt and I kicked at him this time. Too bad the effort was less than impressive. Through the course of the night...or early morning, I'd gotten tangled up in my sheets. My legs barely lifted off the mattress, that was how cocooned I was.

"Be there in a second." I caved with a sigh and gestured for him to go away. He pecked a kiss on my forehead, standard operating proceedure for Edward and launched himself off my bed. Another squeak passed my lips and I lifted my head up enough to glare at him.

If the look had any weight to it, I wasn't sure. He just smiled and gripped my bedroom door with one hand. "By the way, Bella's already here. She says you two had a date...or something."

"That's right!" I squeaked and started thrashing my legs to free them. I untangled myself pretty quickly and regained my footing on my normal side of the bed. "I'll be out soon, just let me throw on some jeans."

He gave me a mock-salute then turned for the door, but not before a really weird look crossed his features. It was only for a brief second, but it was enough to make me want to demand answers. Yeah, I'd missed something pretty major the night before. Something that directly involved Jasper.

But yet, I still wasn't anxious or willing to unravel the mystery. So once I was left alone, I took my time in cleaning up. My hair was brushed, I pulled on a fresh tank top and jeans, not caring that my scars were exposed. The entire family, plus Bella, had seen me at my worst. And I was sick of hiding it, I could now fully accept myself the way I was.

Damaged goods, but no longer hindered by a haunted past. I still had some ghosts lingering, yeah. But I had too much going on in my life now to give them any attention. I was a full-time student again at Forks High. Carlisle had come through on his promise to let me actually have a normal senior year, and the homework load was enough to restrain anyone's time.

I decided to wait on brushing my teeth since I was heading out to eat, not wanting to have to repeat that twice in the span of an hour. So I just headed for the kitchen. Expecting to find everyone there. And I did.

But as soon as I cleared the doorway, I stopped short and unsuccessfully tried to dive for cover. There was a new face among my family now. A face I'd never seen before but instantly hated.

A tall girl with shiny blonde hair was smiling and laughing with Emmett while Rosalie looked on bitterly. Alice was glaring at her too, which surprised me. But Jasper, who sat directly beside this girl at our little breakfast nook, was unphased.

He didn't seem to notice the less-than-covert glares coming from the female members of his family. Even Bella was in on it! Which just unsettled me even more. Edward's girlfriend knew more about what was going on than I did.

Then again, I only had myself to blame for that one. I'd intentionally holed myself up, not wanting to face the truth that I would have to come to grips with before I wanted. Jasper was home for Christmas and apparently had brought someone along for the festivities.

"Baylee!" Bella smiled brightly when she saw me, effectively ruining my chance at a hasty get-away.

Smiling guiltily, I just waved and walked the rest of the way into the kitchen. "Mornin'." I muttered, my accent suddenly so thick that I recieved a weird glance from Emmett. Then again, that boy was a walking weird glance so it didn't really matter.

"How're you feeling?" Esme asked, coming up beside me to give me her usual morning hug. As she pulled away, a glass of fresh apple juice was shoved into my hand. But instead of being steered toward the little table Rosalie, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and New Girl were occupying, I ended up at the island with Edward, Bella, and Alice. My safety zone, I loved it.

"Exhausted." I sighed and propped my elbows on the counter, shoulders slumping as I drank from the full glass in my hand. My eyes did a quick sweep of the room, noting that Carlisle wasn't here, and frowned when I saw the whispering session between Jasper and the girl I'd never seen before. And I didn't want to see her ever again. I recognized the look on her face and the way her eyes cut to me as she tried to be discreet.

Rolling my eyes, I just straightened up and slammed my glass on the counter. "I'm sorry Esme, but I'm not hungry. Is Carlisle up in his office or at the hospital this morning?"

Another ritual, which was thankfully only once a month, Carlisle examined my scars to make absolutely sure I hadn't backpedaled any. Not that I was in danger of that anymore, my skin had healed into what it would always look like. But it appeased my foster father and he was keeping me on past his obligation date, so I wasn't going to begrudge him anything.

Esme looked around the room and a frown froze on her lips when she saw the same thing that had unnerved me. The girl was now blatantly staring at me. I felt Edward come up beside me and realized what the girl was staring at when he slung an arm around my shoulders. From the left side. I'd just given this girl a great view of my burned body.

Fantastic.

"He's in his office, honey." Esme finally answered, her tone clipped and eyes remaining on Jasper's guest. The sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach intensified a bit and I ducked out from underneath Edward's protective embrace. While I loved him for it, I wasn't entirely used to it yet.

"Thanks." I smiled brightly at my foster mother, pecked her cheek, then turned on my heel to leave the kitchen. Of course, the direction I chose took me right by the table, but I didn't care. I heard chair legs screeching against linoleum and wondered who had decided to follow me. It could only be either Emmett or Rosalie. Jasper had avoided my gaze at all costs and it was pretty clear that he still didn't want to be within two feet of me.

Not that I really cared. Especially after the little display his guest had given. I wasn't a normally violent person, but as I climbed the stairs to Carlisle's study, I began to imagine ways I could mangle the girl's face. She was way too pretty for it to be natural and she had makeup on already! Rosalie wasn't even that vain and my gorgeous sister had her moments.

There was also no mistaking the idea her clothes were trying to give off, even though I didn't see much since she stayed seated the whole time.

I didn't want to think about it, I refused to acknowledge the scene in the kitchen. As I reached up to knock on Carlisle's door, I realized that Rosalie had been the one to follow me. Not good.

"Come with me." She caught my arm easily before I could alert Carlisle of our presence and unceremoniously yanked me into her room.

"Ow!" I yelped and rubbed at my wrist as I walked further into her room. I could tell by her stance that she was wanting to talk. I had no choice, I had to listen this time. I had no problems admitting that the tall blonde in front of me scared the crap outta me.

"Sorry." She muttered but didn't look as sorry as I thought she should. "But you looked like you needed to talk."

I shrugged sheepishly and dropped my arms to shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "Just wondering what the scene in the kitchen was about. Who's the blonde?"

Rosalie grimaced and dropped down on the edge of her and Emmett's neatly made bed. "That would be Miranda, the surprise we were trying to warn you about last night."

"Wait a minute." I muttered and held a hand up warningly, silently praying she would notice and not say anymore. I was desperate for my brain to suddenly stop functioning. I didn't want the pieces to connect, but they snapped into place effortlessly and without my consent. "She's Jasper's new girl, huh?"

Rosalie let out a long breath, but our conversation was shattered when the door opened and new figures suddenly filled the bright room. I wasn't really surprised to see Emmett as he crossed the room and plopped down beside Rosalie, reclining easily on his elbows while Alice, Edward, and Bella filed in behind him. _They_ surprised me. Which led me to believe that they'd left Esme in the kitchen. Alone with Jasper and his new girl.

I cringed at just the sheer thought and raked both hands through my hair, locking my fingers together against the back of my neck. The texture of my charred skin no longer bothered me. I was used to the inconsistancies, they were part of me.

"Talk to us." Bella was the first to break the silence, her hand hovering over my raised elbow.

I blew out a low breath then shrugged as my arms flopped back to my sides once more. "It's a free country, guys. I have no claims over Jasper, he's free to date whoever he wants."

"Oh stop!" Rosalie announced and gracefully rose to her feet. "Stop acting so casual about all of this, Baylee. You have every right to be pissed!"

"Why?" I shot back and rounded on her, suddenly so angry that all I could think about doing was lashing out. Rosalie was the best choice for that, she gave as well as she got. "Because none of you told me about her? Y'all knew so don't bother standing there trying to figure out how to lie to me now. Yeah, I didn't really get all up in the conversations about Jasper, but you all had my cell phone number. Any one of you could've warned me that the new blonde in the house was going to hate me on sight." I was quickly running out of steam and let my shoulders sag as a result. "And let me guess, he didn't fill her in on the resident freak."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and Alice snorted bitterly. Bella looped her arms around my waist and rested her cheek on my shoulder. The gesture carried more weight considering the shoulder she'd chosen. My partially burned shoulder.

"Please," Rose huffed and waved her hand dismissively. "You're ten times the girl she is. But yeah, you're right. Jasper didn't tell her a single thing about you. He just said you were the foster kid of the bunch and we were all adopted. He didn't mention your burns."

"Or our history?" I finished for her, knowing that a quick look from Emmett had prevented her from going any further. But as suddenly as the connection of this girl in Jasper's life had come, my answer rushed at me just as fast. "On second thought, don't tell me." I muttered and waved my hand, as if I could somehow ward off a physical attack or something.

I didn't know what to think now. Yeah, the rational part of my mind reasoned that he would eventually find someone. Someone who wasn't me, who didn't have the same baggage I did. It was probably effortless for Jasper to get close to this girl, _Miranda_. He could probably have a relationship that wasn't riddled with nine kinds of issues.

Unlike the relationship he would've had with me if he'd fought hard enough. Or given me more time instead of shutting down like he had the last time we spent any lengthy amount of time alone together.

"Bella," I sighed and turned my head slightly to catch her attention. She was still attached to me and raised her head to signal that I had her attention. "Are you ready to go? I seriously need to get out of this house and I told my boss we'd be by early for my check."

"Yeah." She nodded and pulled away from me at once. I flashed her a quick smile then turned and left Rosalie's room. To give Bella some time to plan or whatever with Edward, I ducked into Carlisle's study.

He smiled as I approached his desk, forgetting about the papers in front of him as he stood to greet me. "Morning Baylee."

"Yeah." I muttered mirthlessly and sagged against him when he pulled me in for a hug. Another thing the Cullens had changed for me? The whole touchy-feely thing. I hadn't been used to all the hugging and innocent displays of affection, but now I depended on them like air.

"I see you've already run into Jasper's new friend." He sighed and kept an arm slung around me as he turned to lean against the edge of his desk.

"You mean his girlfriend?" I corrected and looked up in time to realize he'd intentionally avoided that phrasing. "Might as well get used to it now." I sighed and shrugged the shoulder that wasn't lodged underneath my almost-father's arm. "Besides, it's like I told the others; I had no claim over him when he left for college. He's free to do whatever he wants."

And apparently, he wanted to do a leggy blonde who indulged in way too much makeup. From what I saw, she looked pretty attractive by male standards. Tiny forehead, evenly separated eyes underneath perfectly managed eyebrows. Her nose was a little long and pointed, but agonizingly perfect against her chisled cheekbones and pointed chin. The waxy lipstick made her lips look unnaturally pouty and she had unnaturally flawless tanned skin. Apparently this girl was best friends with the invention of tanning beds.

She was everything I wasn't. The only thing we had in common was the guy she had, the boy I'd always wanted.


	3. 99 Times

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__So I finally have a new computer tower, which means that the chapters are coming quicker and quicker! Here you go guys, things are getting interesting now!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I just own original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: THE DEVIL IN ME - KATE VOEGELE**

_"I don't wanna feel the pain and I don't want another day, shackled to your ball and chain. You're entirely a pain and I'm so tired of explaining the sensation I've known over time. I don't care that there is no charity in your heart, could you spare me? I've done my part."_

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

Once I'd picked my check up from the Lodge, Bella decided we needed to eat. So I drove us to Forks Coffee Shop. I wasn't entirely sure if Bella was cool with our fooding choice, but she didn't really argue.

In fact, she didn't say anything until we were seated and had already ordered. As soon as the waitress walked away, Bella fixed a very pointed stare at me.

"What?" I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, messing with the high neck of my favorite hoodie. The weather was cold now and it'd become easier for me to hide my burns. The hoodie that had been given to me by her boyfriend, was implimented back in my daily wardrobe. I got some stares, sure, since the most noticable emblem was a solider with dragonfly wings, but it was big, comfortable and reminded me of much better times.

"You know what." She admitted quietly and leaned over the table, her hand fastening against the side of her throat. "When are you going to finally talk to me about what happened over the summer?"

That was one thing I didn't budge on when we came back to Forks after two months in Santa Cruz. I refused to talk to anyone, including my foster family, about the turmoil between myself and Jasper. I wasn't sure if he kept to the same code or not. If he had, I'd never been told about it. As far as I was concerned, our family just knew that we'd tried to make things work, but it ended rather abruptly. Jasper supplied more to the story with his behavior, which was easily picked up on by his continued avoidance of me at home. Over time, it was just easier for me to keep my mouth shut about the real reasons our friendship dissolved.

"There's nothing to talk about." I muttered and looked down at the tabletop. "Jasper couldn't wait for me anymore and I didn't want him to."

A very unattractive sound passed Bella's lips as she flopped back in her chair. I risked a glance upward and frowned when I saw the expression on her features. She wasn't buying my explanation and was starting to get mad about me not opening up to her.

I hated making her feel the way I was. I absolutely loathed it. Bella was my closest friend, it hurt not to be able to talk to her about the things eating away at me. But a lifetime of keeping everything hidden was a very difficult habit to break. I was trying, but apparently I wasn't doing so fast enough. I was exasperating every single person that meant something to me.

Heaving a sigh, I shook my head slightly then mentally caved. "Is it wrong that I hate him having brought someone home?"

She looked up in surprise but understanding dawned quickly on her features. "It's not wrong." She finally replied and we leaned closer so we could speak in quieter volumes. "It just means that you still care about him and to be honest, if you didn't? Well I'd start worrying."

I snickered in spite of myself, but before the conversation could go any further, our food appeared. Silence fell as we ate, and when we did talk, it was light and idle chatter. Bella seemed appeased with the little omission I'd allowed and I felt a surge of relief. Relief because she was letting that be enough. For now.

Pretty soon I was going to have to start opening back up or the situation I was in would get a whole lot worse.

* * *

I hated grocery shopping. It was something I'd never really liked, having to do the chore when I was still living under my mom and Brandon's roof. As I scanned the isles, I couldn't help but think about my last shopping trip in Richardson.

I was trying to do something nice for my small family, hoping maybe it would settle Brandon and please him enough that we had a nice night. One that didn't erupt in a fight with my mom sporting a new bruise the next day. So I planned the meal meticulously, gathering all the things I knew my stepfather would like. It felt weird to suddenly play peacemaker when I'd spent so much time trying to get under his skin and start a fight. But by that time, I was just sick of fighting. I wanted things to be better in my home, I wanted my mom to smile more and watch as Brandon revert back to the man he'd been when he became my stepfather.

Blinking away the memories, I jumped in surprise when a cart suddenly collided with the back of my legs.

"Shit!" I whirled around and came face to face with the source of the rough bass vibrating in my ears. I couldn't help blinking in surprise when I came face to face with the person that had just run into me. "Are you okay?"

Gulping, I mentally cursed myself for the stupid moment and nodded slowly. "Yeah, no worries." I smiled then and shrugged a shoulder carefully.

The guy standing in front of me was, simply put, gorgeous. His dark hair was shaggy and hung in around his head in the cutest possible way. Beneath that shock of black hair was pale skin and the most shocking pair of blue eyes I'd ever seen. His chiseled features and clothing made him look like he'd just stepped out a rocker magazine ad. The black shirt he wore, which set off his features even more, was a little snug on his upper body, leaving hints of the musculature that was underneath and his jeans were baggy enough to leave his lower body a mystery. A black leather jacket and boots completed his look.

He smiled and I felt another weird little shock go through me. Perfect white teeth were nearly blinding when the overhead lights caught it, and there was a cocky laziness to the grin. His stance was casual, almost like he was bored to be standing behind a cart half-filled with groceries. "You sure you're okay?"

I felt my face pale when a new tone filled his voice. Either he really was concerned about the way I was looking up at him, or I was starting to freak him out. Either option was entirely possible but I was leaning more toward the second one.

"Oh." I flushed and waved my hand dismissively. "Yeah, sorry. I just don't really act normal around strangers."

"Ah." He nodded slowly then smiled again. The cockiness I'd noticed before became a little more pronounced but there was a small twinge of something else. It was almost as if he _knew_ or something. "Well if it helps, my name's Damon. What's yours?"

Why, oh _why_ did hot guys have to have even hotter names? Damon just screamed dangerous. My weird little imagination was probably working in overdrive but I didn't really care. It was still new for me to be out and mingling with the townsfolk. I was so used to being a shut-in. A hermit forced into hiding by disfiguring scars.

As soon as that little reminder slammed through my mind, I felt a small part of me mentally shut down. This guy was hot, beyond gorgeous even. No way would he go for a girl like me.

Yet, I found myself smiling and answering him anyway. I couldn't help but wonder if, once he knew my name, he'd make the connection. I could just see the smile fading from his face. He'd be in such a hurry to get away from me. Not like that was something I wasn't entirely used to by now. "I'm Baylee. And it helps...a little."

Damon shocked me by keeping his smile in tact, like he'd never heard my name before or something. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but this was Forks. One of the smallest towns I'd ever seen! People knew things around here, there was no such thing as secrets. He had to be new to town. That was the only explanation my mind could conjure up.

"I'm glad." He inclined his head slightly, his deep voice still holding just a hint of coarseness to it. The mere sound of it threatened to send a chill shooting down my spine. He leaned over slightly then gestured at my cart. "Preparing enough food for a small army, there?"

I laughed, in spite of myself and shook my head. "No, but I do have a pretty big family. I offered to do the grocery shopping this week."

"How thoughtful of you." That cocky little smirk was back and a weird fluttering raced through my abdomen. Straight down to my weakening knees.

I had to get away from this dude, and fast.

I felt the heat in my cheeks as I bent my head slightly then shrugged. "Well, I hate to do this but I need to get going." I muttered and gestured behind me to the cart of things possibly melting. "My foster mother's probably going to start getting worried. It was nice running into you though."

"Likewise." He nodded shortly, the smile never leaving his face. But I could tell that he wasn't going to try and initiate a new conversation with me. Luckily, he was letting my slip about Esme go and I wasn't about to try and figure that one out. Waving, I turned and started to push my cart down the aisle. I wanted to glance behind me, to see if the guy was still standing where he'd accidentally rammed his cart into the back of my knees.

I didn't. I just kept one foot moving in front of the other and before I was really conscious or aware of it, I was heading for the checkout stations.

The girl behind the register rang me up pretty quickly, glancing up enough times to make me thoroughly uncomfortable. I tried to brush it off. My scars were well hidden beneath my baggy hoodie and my hair wasn't something people gawked at anymore.

It wasn't until I turned my head just enough to look around that I realized why she kept glancing up then darting her eyes back to the register. Damon was the next person in line. Right behind where I stood.

"Fancy meeting you here." He spoke, the same smile as before lighting up his pale, perfect features.

I just sighed and pretended to roll my eyes. "Okay, I know I can make a good impression but stalking? Seriously?"

A flash of surprise flickered in his eyes then quickly faded when my lips twisted up into a small smile. "Hey, a guy gets attention where he can. It's not every day he literally runs into a beautiful girl."

I couldn't help it. The reflex was entirely involuntary. Rolling my eyes, I managed to snort back a laugh then shook my head. I moved up a little to the debit card machine and swiftly swiped the card. Another condition of me getting a job, bank account in my name. That Carlisle had dropped money into so I could go grocery shopping for Esme.

I heard a weird shuffling behind me, but didn't look up to see what caused it. I simply paid for my items, accepted my reciept with a smile and headed for the exit. I'd gotten to my car, trunk popped and almost all of the groceries loaded when Damon reappeared.

He was either faster than I was, or I was so consumed in my own thoughts that I was hellaciously slow. Either way, he strolled up the side of my car and smiled as he started holding bags out for me to take and deposit in the Camaro's trunk.

A low whistle passed his lips and I jerked my eyes up to meet his instantly.

"A brand new Camaro?" He asked, the hint of an ironic smile on his lips as he pointed at the body of my beloved.

My cheeks heated up yet again and all I could do was shrug as I put the final bag inside then gently slammed the hood down. "Birthday gift."

"I'll say." He sighed and stared adoringly at my car as I fished my keys out of the hoodie's pocket. "Which birthday?"

"Eighteenth." I responded and turned to start pushing the cart toward the designated gate. He followed, of course, making sure his boots echoed enough on the slick pavement that I heard him.

"Pretty good birthday to celebrate." Damon announced casually, as if he was bored with the topic.

I shrugged and pushed the cart the rest of the way into the little gate then turned toward my car. I yelped in surprise when my chest suddenly collided with his. I tumbled backward in surprise, but managed to catch myself before I made a major ass out of myself and fell.

"Steady there." He teased, holding my arms to steady me.

I flushed even more then and half-attempted to struggle out of his grip. It was weird to have someone outside my family to be touching me like this. Some part of me didn't like it, but I was more surprised by the part that _did._

"So when do I get a last name, Baylee? I might want to see you again or something."

"Carter." I huffed out, sighing mentally when he let me go and shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. I could smell the faint scent of leather mixed with the rainy air and breathed in luxuriously. "But you won't find me in the phone book like that."

"Oh?" He questioned and a bushy eyebrow raised perfectly against his piercing eyes. "Why's that?"

"Foster kid." I muttered and gestured at myself before I turned for my car. I wasn't surprised to have him following me this time, and I actually stopped just short of the driver side door.

"Then what's your foster family's last name?" He pressed, obviously not going to let me go before I gave him what he wanted.

I couldn't ignore the little voice in the back of my head, screaming that I shouldn't tell this guy anymore than I already had. I wasn't in the same league as the girls that were attracted to him, girls he wanted. What was the point in punishing myself? Last thing in the world I wanted was to set myself up by liking yet another guy that wouldn't want me in the end.

A painful shock went through my system when Jasper's name skipped across my mind. I pushed it back and raked a hand through my hair. "Nice try." I managed out, my voice evening slightly as I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. "But tell you what, if you're serious? I work at the Lodge. The town's small enough, I'm sure you can find it no problem."

And then, before he could say anything and before I could get myself in even more trouble; I turned, unlocked my door and slid inside. The engine was started and revved, but when I glanced out my window to see if my path was clear, Damon wasn't standing there.

Talk about odd. Maybe I was slower than I'd originally thought.


	4. Faint

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__The last chapter I'll be able to post for a while. My husband's finally graduating from Basic and I'm off to go see him and bring him home. So that means for the next seventeen days, my only thoughts will be on spending time with him! But! I'm going to try and write where I can, I just want y'all to know that I haven't given up on my stories. They're just taking a momentary backseat to something I've been waiting on for over two months. So enjoy and please, leave lots of love for me to come back to._

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I just own the originals._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: FAINT - LINKIN PARK**

_"I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard. Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars. I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel. But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do. Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here cause you're all that I got."_

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

As soon as I got back to the house, Rosalie and Alice knew that something was up. I hated them both for it, but at the same time I was itching to talk to someone.

I needed help in piecing together what had happened at the Thriftway. Things like that just didn't happen to me. Not even before the fire, when I'd been whole and easily blended into the background.

"Okay," My sisters caught me in my room as soon as I cleared the door. I could tell by their expressions that they were grateful for the diversion. I'd noticed Jasper and his _girlfriend_ in the living room when I came in. "What happened?"

I glared at Rose for a second then shrugged before turning to pitch back into my beloved chair. The same chair I'd busted Rose in just one night before. "Just had a weird run in at the store, that's all."

"Bull." Rose went on but gaped at our tiny sister when Alice cut in unceremoniously.

"There's more to the story than that. I can tell. Now you have two seconds to spill before we drag your cute little butt out of this room and subject you to the worst kind of torture."

I instantly looked around for something to throw at her and frowned when I found nothing. Just my luck. Pulling in so much air that my cheeks expanded, I blew the breath out noisily and gestured for them to sit down. "A guy literally ran into me at the store, okay?"

"Was he hot?"

"Rose!" I gaped at her for a minute, slowly shaking my head back and forth. "You are _very much_ taken, remember?"

"So?" She shrugged as if I wasn't stating the obvious and waved her hand impatiently. "I can still glance at the menu. Now what happened after he _literally_ ran into you?"

"He apologized." I shrugged again, secretly enjoying this a lot more than I probably should've been. But it served them both right, ambushing me so quickly. They could've at least given me a little more time to digest everything. "He introduced himself, he didn't look tweaked when I told him my name. And he followed me out of the store, practically digging for more information."

The blonde and brunette hovering over me exchanged knowing glances then a bright smile split Alice's features. "He was hitting on you!"

"Wait!" Rosalie threw in impatiently and waved her hands in front of her. "You didn't answer the most important question; was he hot?"

I gave her a look that just screamed _"duuuuh"_ then sighed morosely. "It doesn't matter, okay? Two things are working against me here. One, the horrible disfigurement known as my upper body. And second? Well...."

They exchanged looks again when I started shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I was surprised to actually find sympathy in Rosalie's eyes when she stared down at me again.

"You're still hung up on Jasper." It wasn't a question.

I kicked my leg out to connect my still-sneakered foot with her leg, but she neatly dodged me. I should've been expecting that. She _was_ with Emmett, after all. I cringed involuntarily when unwanted thoughts filled my mind of all the surprise attacks she probably had to deal with.

"Why state the obvious?" I asked and smiled sweetly at both of them as I swept my hands up beside me. Not giving them a chance to say anything else, I jumped out of my chair and pushed past them. "Now get out. I have to get ready for work."

"You're not scheduled tonight." Rosalie threw in, her eyes narrowed in a telling way. She knew exactly what was up. I didn't want to be in the house anymore than I had to be. I knew it hurt Esme to have me constantly flying out the door, especially now that Jasper was home.

But this place was starting to feel a little more crowded than my comfort level allowed. "I got called in."

"Bull!" Rose sputtered and grabbed my shoulders to bodily turn to face her. I cursed the height difference and stared up at her indifferently. "Plus Esme was really hoping we could all sit down for a family dinner. You know we haven't had one since before you and Jasper...."

I raised an eyebrow when she trailed off, but I didn't need her to finish that statement to know where she was going with this. We hadn't all sat down together since Jasper and I left for Santa Cruz.

Sighing, I flailed my arms then let them drop back against my body. "Why can't y'all just let me escape? Give me my illusions, please? I don't _want_ to be here."

"We don't either!" Alice inserted then stared empathetically at me. "None of us like her, I promise. But I really think you'll enjoy dinner. Edward's been making one snide comment after another at the girl. Bella's nearly fallen off the couch at least twice."

"She's still here?" I squeaked in surprise then swore mentally.

"Yup." Rose nodded convincingly and let me go. "Charlie's spending the weekend in La Push, so she's flying solo for a little while. She refused to go to Jacksonville for the holidays."

I snickered in spite of myself, knowing exactly why she'd opted out of that little excursion. She didn't want to be away from Edward if she could possibly help it.

A wild flash of jealousy shot through me and I worked to reign it back in. It wasn't her fautl she was in a healthy, functioning relationship. And it weirded me out a little when my thoughts suddenly shifted back to the mysterious guy named Damon.

Shaking my head slowly, I forgot all about my pretense of going into work and trudged down the hall after my beautiful sisters. I intentionally kept my hoodie on, lying that it was a little cold in the house. Which wasn't a complete fabrication. My skin still reacted weirdly with temperature changes. And the Cullens hadn't fully commited to the heating idea yet. That was just around the corner though.

Conviently right when we all sat down for dinner. How coincidental.

"Honey," Esme looked at me sternly as I reached out to grasp my normal chair. "Don't you think it's a little warm to wear that at the table?"

"I don't want to get sick." I muttered, keeping my eyes trained on her. I could see Jasper and Miranda enter the room from the corner of my eye. "Can't chance it."

Edward came up behind me right then and lightly tugged on the hood of my sweatshirt. "Since when are you squeamish about the battle wounds, Bay? We're all used to them now."

"Not everyone." I muttered but yanked my hoodie off anyway. Once it was thrown back into my room, I rejoined the others and sat dutifully between Alice and Edward. Bella was on his other side, Emmett on Alice's left.

My comment was passed over as Esme began serving dinner. As soon as the smell of her fried chicken hit my nostrils, my mouth started watering and all I could think about was food. I dug in with gusto, earning a snicker from Edward. It later turned into a hiss of pain when he stuck his fork in my pile of mashed potatoes, earning a bite from me on his outstretched arm.

"You little vampire!" He teased, laughing right along with _almost_ everyone and jokingly rubbed the spot on his arm I'd just bit.

"Oh grow a thicker skin." I taunted, even smiling sweetly at him before I fixed my eyes on my plate. Jasper and his girlfriend were seated right across from me. Looking directly up was not an option since the blonde heathen was laying it on a little thick with Jasper. Did she not realize that his parents were sitting at the _exact same table_?!

I was able to ignore it through a good portion of the meal, ignoring the eyes on the skin exposed under my tank top. I even overlooked the flirty little giggles and coos floating over from across the table. But when a rather lewd comment left her lips just seconds after Jasper jumped visibly, I'd had enough.

"Will you two just _stop_?!" I nearly shouted, throwing my fork onto my plate. I finally looked up then and stared at the guilty party.

"Stop what?" Miranda answered, just like I thought she would. Her eyes were a little wider than normal, but I could tell the innocence surrounding them was probably about as real as her hair. Seriously. Someone needed to tell the girl that her roots were growing in and throwing off the whole blonde motif.

"You know what." I challenged instead of backing down, earning stares from the rest of our gathered family. "I may be the only one, but I really don't want to hear about all the nasty little thoughts you feel you need to share with everyone else. Rooms are made for a reason, and I'm pretty sure those rooms come with a damn lock on the door. Figure out how useful they are."

"Baylee!" Esme gasped as I scrambled out of my chair and started to push it back into the table. She didn't sound nearly as shocked as she should've to actually sell her portrayal, and I felt a little giddy with relief. So much so that I decided to push the envelope a little more.

"And while we're on the subject of gawdy behavior, why don't you just get the staring over with?" I felt rooted in place behind my chair, my hands gripping the curved backing so hard my knuckles were turning white. "I'll even give you the full view if you want. Tell you the whole story since you weren't prepped ahead of time." As soon as the words left my mouth, I threw a pointed stare in Jasper's direction.

There were a couple more gasps before I shoved away from my chair and stalked down the hall. I'd just cleared my doorway when I was aware of someone following me. Expecting it to be one of the family members that usually followed me, I turned and jumped in surprise when I met Jasper's angry eyes.

"What the hell, Baylee?" He hissed and pushed me further into my room before slamming the door. "Don't you think you're overdoing it with the jealous ex-girlfriend role?"

I didn't think it was possible but even more anger rushed through me. So much so that I struck out and shoved Jasper back into the door. "Don't you _dare_! This has nothing to do with you. She was out of line and you know it!"

"She's my girlfriend." He threw back, as if that was going to stop the arguement dead.

"Yeah, and don't you think you should've filled her in on the freak in the house? You _know_ how I feel about being stared at, Jasper! You know that's the one thing I cannot stand and you set me up for it anyway! So do you feel better now?" I rushed out, connecting another powerful shove against his chest when he rose from the door.

"Calm down!" He hissed as if he'd suddenly realized how easily our voices carried.

Too bad I was beyond caring. "And for the record? I'm _not_ your ex-girlfriend. I was never your girlfriend to begin with! You effectively shut down on me before things could get that far. But I don't care, okay? I really don't care who you date. I don't give a _shit_ about that girl in there. What I do care about, and what you should care about, is how she's conducting herself in this house. Your family's done way too much for me for me to sit there and stomach that. Nevermind her gawking at me every chance she gets! Does it really make her feel better to see how damaged her supposed competition is?"

"It's not like that. There is no competition."

I recoiled as if he'd actually slapped me. Part of me reasoned that he might as well have. I'd of rathered have to deal with that than the words he was hurling at me.

"She's who I'm with now! And so she got a little too flirty, so what? Why are you getting so damn bent out of shape about this?"

Clenching my jaw, a weird sort of scream slipped through anyway. "You're so damn dense." I finally yelled and pushed him into the door again. "Have a little respect for your family, damnit. And by your family, I _do not_ mean me. I mean nothing to you, remember? And I'm perfectly fine keeping it that way." Pausing to take a steadying breath, I squared my shoulders and folded my arms across my chest. "Now get out."

He didn't make a move toward the door he was still leaning against.

"I mean it, Jasper." I spoke so quietly that I was even scaring myself. "Get. Out. Or at least get out of the way so I can leave."

That finally sparked some sort of movement in my former best friend's body. He inched aside enough for me to clear him and get the door open. I flung the wide oak door away from the frame, not caring if I hit him or not. My path was clear and once I had my hoodie and keys, I went straight for the door.

"Don't wait up!"


	5. White Horse

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Time without Internet = lots of new chapters. I thought about stringing it out, but over two weeks without anything? Couldn't let new chapters just sit. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just in charge of original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: WHITE HORSE - TAYLOR SWIFT**

_"Holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl, I should've known, I shouldn've known. I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale. I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around."_

* * *

**Chapter Five:**

Yet another downside to Forks, Washington? The nightlife.

There wasn't one. Which was why I found myself at the diner, staring boredly into the glass in front of me. The sludge inside had originally been a chocolate milkshake, but I let it melt too much for it to classify as that anymore.

I didn't care though. I wasn't in the mood for the milkshake, but it was on the house. Who was I to pass up a free sugar high?

"Who knew milkshakes could hold such a facination?" A familiar rumbling voice sounded behind me, causing me to jump and whirl around in my chair guiltily.

Damon was wearing the same smile he had at the grocery store and a weird surge ran through me. I wasn't entirely sure if I was happy to see him or not. But I _was_ surprised. Definitely surprised.

"Damon." I breathed, another weird jolt rushing through me as I said his name. "You scared the crap outta me."

"Sorry." He offered, sounding only a little sheepish as he turned and slid into the vacant chair to my left. "I assumed you'd hear me coming this time."

"You know what they say about people who assume." I replied and stared levely into his eyes, a little startled by how blue they were. I hadn't really been this close to him during our first run-in and I couldn't help noticing more about his outward appearance.

His cheeks were a little more defined than I remembered and the blunt edge of his chin against his jaw added a dangerous edge to his appearance. Just like the first time, he was dressed simply in a pair of jeans, black shirt, and leather jacket. A jacket that fit him way too well if I did say so myself.

He shrugged out of the outer garment and laid it against the back of his chair as I grabbed my straw to stir the slushy contents in my glass around. I needed something to do, even if it was as stupid as swirling a straw around. I suddenly felt _very_ uncomfortable around this guy.

"So what brings you here?" He asked and smiled lazily at me as he folded his arms on the tabletop.

I shrugged and took a quick sip then grimaced instantly. Not only had the damn milkshake started to melt, but it was now room temperature and totally throwing off the greatness that could only be found in milkshakes. "I needed to get out of the house, so I ended up here."

"And here I thought I was going to have to haunt the...Lodge? That is the place you mentioned last time, right?"

I gulped and nodded slowly. "That's where I work, yeah. And for the record? You got lucky finding me here. I don't usually come here at night."

"So what makes tonight any different?"

I opened my mouth to respond, a smartass comment right on the tip of my tongue, but was thwarfed when the waitress appeared and asked Damon if he wanted anything. There was no mistaking the lusty look in her eyes as she appraised him silently.

I was surprised to find I was actually _mad_ that the girl was checking him out. It was a completely irrational reaction, I had no claim on this guy. Hell, I didn't even know his last name for crying out loud! Why was I suddenly wanting to punch this chick out for staring at an obviously gorgeous guy?

Because I wanted the look in her eyes to be in his, those piercing blue eyes locked on me. Something I doubted would be happening any time soon.

His voice was hypnotic as he calmly declined her offer to bring him something to drink then we were left alone yet again.

"I told you." I spoke after a few minutes' silence. "I just ended up here. What about you? This doesn't really look like your kind of place, no offense." This entire _town_ didn't look like Damon's cup of tea. I wondered idly what had brought him here, why he'd ended up in Forks of all places.

His smile faltered a little, but he played it off and shrugged before speaking. "I was out for a walk and, like you, just ended up here. I still don't know all of the hotspots like you would, so I'm taking what I can get."

As soon as he finished answering me, a bubble of laughter exploded past my lips before I could really stop it. "There are no hotspots in Forks. Sorry to break it to you, but this is one of the smallest towns on the map. The stats on boredom-related deaths in teenagers would scare you."

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow slightly, effectively making me flush a vibrant red. Great, just what I needed to prove I wasn't completely mental. "Were you born here? Your accent sounds a little out of place."

"Because it is." I smiled sweetly then let the grin fade from my lips in a bitter set of my mouth. "I've only been here for almost a year. Foster kid, remember?"

"I remember." He nodded and leaned over onto his arms to lean closer to me. "But that doesn't answer my question. Where are you from originally?"

"Texas." I replied before I could really stop myself. And here I'd just told myself that I didn't want this guy to know anything about me. Now he had my last name, place of birth, and I was still holding a zero average. "What about you? I don't even know your last name, I'm starting to feel a little exploited here. Not entirely sure how I feel about that."

Damon laughed again and smiled apologetically before he slouched back into his chair, one arm slung over the back with his other hand resting on the table still. "My last name is Spencer and my family just moved here from Georgia."

So we were both into the vague answering. Good to know. I just didn't think it was a good idea for me to be so amused by us _both_ being Southern kids. Why did I always attract the Southern boys? First....

Shaking my head mentally, I cut my eyes to the table and reached a hand up to start messing with my hair. I felt eyes on me, namely the side of my neck, and felt my damaged skin start to prickle uncomfortably.

"Why're you so nervous?" He asked, effectively pulling me from the thoughts I was still trying to push back into their lockbox. "You're looking like you just got caught shooting someone's dog."

I looked up to glare at him then sighed and sat back as well. "I'm trying to figure out why you seem so hellbent on talking to me. I'm not that interesting, Damon."

"Oh," He smiled conspiritously and leaned toward me yet again. "But I think you are. You're not like any of the other girls I've seen in town."

I laughed then, in spite of my best efforts and shook my head slowly. "You have _no_ idea, dude." I replied but before he could say anything, a familiar ringtone began to float in the air around us. Swearing under my breath, I snatched my phone out of my pocket and groaned aloud when I saw the number flashing on the screen.

Alice had impossible timing.

"Sorry." I muttered and quickly hit 'accept' then put the phone to my ear. "Yeah?"

"Everyone's freaking out, where _are_ you?"

My forehead fell into my free hand and I swore mutely. "I'm at the Forks Diner. Tell them to stop worrying, I'm fine and gonna start heading home soon."

"You can't avoid him forever." Alice blurted out and I didn't think twice in ending the call right then. I wasn't wanting to think about the _him_ in question. I didn't want to mentally revist the scene I'd caused during our first dinner as a family in six months.

"Who was that?" Damon questioned and I frowned in surprise at the tone of his voice. He sounded almost _afraid_ to ask that.

"My sister, Alice." I sighed and pocketed my phone as I prepared to stand. "I need to be getting home. My foster mom's probably going nuts right now."

Damon surprised me for the second time that night by getting up when I did and followed me to the counter. I thanked the manager, a guy I'd come to know very well thanks to all the times I frequented the place with Bella.

It wasn't until we were outside that I stopped at the trunk of my car and turned back around to face him. "You don't strike me as the type to not tell your family where you're going."

"I'm not." I shrugged and shoved my hands into the pocket of my hoodie. I wasn't wearing enough layers for the drop in temperature and felt the cold seeping into my skin. "I kinda...pissed someone off and lit out."

One eyebrow arched over his penetrating eyes, but no sound passed his lips for several seconds. When it did, I had to fight the urge to laugh in his face. "I'm wanting to guess that you pissed your boyfriend off, but that doesn't make sense. You'd just kick him out if that were the case."

Again, he had _no_ idea. "It's complicated." I sighed and turned toward the driver's door. But then I realized what I'd just said and faced him again. "But it's not my boyfriend I pissed off."

"So there _is_ a boyfriend." He assumed, again, with a lazy little grin on his face.

I wanted to kick myself, right then and there. Why? I wasn't entirely sure. But the parts of me that wanted to set him straight versus setting the record straight were still fighting.

"Like I said earlier, you have _no_ idea." I muttered eventually then waved and ducked into my car. Once I had the engine running and heater on full-blast, I swerved out of the parking lot and out onto the main road that would lead me to the outskirts of town.

Some day really soon I was going to stop running from guys that made me feel something other than the usual bout of emotions I carried around. I still wasn't entirely sure why I was doing it either. I'd never been like this before, to search for an easy way out. That wasn't how my life had shaped up around me.

Life was hell, there was no such thing as an easy way of doing things. Simply put.

So lost in my thoughts, I pulled up to the house and didn't even notice the lurking figure on the front porch. I simply killed the engine and climbed out, gripping my keys in one fist before shoving both hands into the pocket of my sweater.

By the time I hit the first stair of the porch, the shadowy figure I'd failed to see when I pulled up came out to meet me. The porch light hit the blonde hair just right and I nearly groaned on sight when the blonde hair kept flowing past petite shoulders. And here I'd _actually_ been hoping for the blonde male member of my family.

Not that family member's girlfriend.

"What do you want, Miranda?" I asked tiredly and tilted my face up to stare her squarely in the eye. It was cold outside, I was exhausted and my run-in with Damon still had me unsettled. Something about a walking mystery.

"I know you don't like me." She threw in quickly.

I blinked in surprise and actually took a step back from her. Wow, she didn't waste any time at all! Sighing, I just shook my head and raked a hand through my hair. "I don't hate you. Hell, I don't hate anyone. It's a waste of time. I don't know you."

"And yet you have your entire family against me." Miranda went on, a small pout forming against her lower lip as she folded her arms across the front of her chest.

I couldn't help it. I began to laugh so hard that I actually doubled over, hands on knees. Tears were pricking at the back of my eyeballs but my eyes were clenched shut so tightly that they couldn't really escape. Of all the conversations to have with this girl, I'd never thought she would have this kind of accusation ready for me.

Shaking my head slowly as I regained at least some of my barings, I sighed and straightened back up. "Dude, I have no control over my family. If they act like they hate you? Well, that's on them. Not me. Maybe you're just jumping to conclusions or something."

My offering was weak, we both knew it. But before things could go further, Edward and Emmett suddenly appeared out on the porch.

"Hey Bay?" Edward called, his eyes trained on Miranda as he slowly advanced toward me. Emmett was looking at her too, but poised as if he didn't give a damn about what he'd just walked out on. I knew better. That stance was damn dangerous when a person thought about it.

"Hey Bubba." I sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist in a side-hug. "What's up?"

"Mom's asking for you." He replied and finally looked down at me. Of course, that was followed up with him pushing me into Emmett's waiting embrace. I nodded and didn't fight as my burly brother pulled me into the house. I was too busy thinking about the last time he'd come at me looking the way he did.

"We'll talk again." Miranda promised, scornfully, right as I got to the door.

I rolled my eyes in spite of myself and shrugged unevenly, throwing my words over my shoulder as Emmett unceremoniously pushed me inside. "Whatever you say."

"Well hell." Emmett grinned as he followed me through the house to my bedroom. I noticed the weird expression on Jasper's features as I pushed past him in his search for his girlfriend, but didn't let myself dwell on it. I was too mad and a little irritated at Edward and Emmett to give the other boy much thought. "You're just making friends wherever you go, Baylee."

I rounded on him before I could stop myself, earning attention from the entire family that was beginning to form around the staircase and front door. "I love you to death, Emm." I started and glared up at him, unleashing at least a little of my pent-up anger on him. "But I don't need to be rescused by you and Edward. So she cornered me on the porch, so what? We were just _talking._ That doesn't mean the Cullens have to come charging in on their white horses. Stop trying to save me all the time, haven't y'all done enough?! Give the chivalry act a rest, damnit."

Spinning on my heel, I didn't break my frenzied pace until I was safely locked in my bedroom. I knew that what I'd just said to Emmett, with Edward overhearing nearby was pretty harsh. But if I was being honest with myself, it was pretty much the truth. The Cullens had done so much for me already, what more did I expect them to do for me?

Actually the better question was...what more was I _hoping_ they'd do? After all, they weren't always going to be there to protect me from the things I just did not want to deal with.


	6. Easy

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Time without Internet = lots of new chapters. I thought about stringing it out, but over two weeks without anything? Couldn't let new chapters just sit. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just in charge of original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: EASY - BRYAN GREENBERG**

_"Easy, easy baby. Give me time to think. Time goes tick tock, tick tock, tickin' on by. I'll still be me. So what're you rushing for? Ask me twenty times, I still don't know. Settle down, simmer down, hit the ground. Don't know where I'm going but I'm here now. Rock-a-by baby, don't say a word. Nobody knows, haven't you heard?"_

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

It was the day before Christmas and I was stuck working. Why? Well, I was pretty sure my boss hated me. But I couldn't prove it.

But if I was being honest with myself, being at work was a hell of a lot better than being home. While I was a little upset about missing the festivites with the Cullens, I didn't entirely want to paint a plastic smile onto my face and spend time with the two people that had unceremoniously taken my safe haven from me. I didn't have it in me to be okay with Jasper kissing all over some girl that wasn't me.

I didn't say anything as I checked on my section, making sure that the elderly couple finishing up their early dinner was okay. It wouldn't be long until they were ready for the check. After making sure they wouldn't be ordering anything else, I printed up their ticket and shoved it into a black folder. That was dropped into the middle pocket of my short black apron and I turned to find my manager staring at me with a weird expression on his face. One that screamed he was just about to ask me for a favor he was sure I wouldn't agree to.

"Whatever it is, no." I muttered and edged past him. Donald, in all his graying hair glory stayed right on my heels, not saying anything until I was inside the kitchen and out of earshot of our dining guests.

"We have a special party coming in at six." He explained, effectively causing my heart to drop down into my stomach. I was scheduled to go home at five-thirty.

I sighed and shoved my thumbs into the back strings of my apron as I slowly pivoted around to face him. "Is this your way of asking me to pull the dinner shift too? Donald, my family's going to be expecting me home for Christmas Eve dinner. I _have_ to be out of here by five-thirty!"

"I know." Donald started looking even more uncomfortable as he fidgeted with the tie he always wore over a crisp white shirt and black slacks. "But I don't have anyone else competent enough to handle the party. I just need you to take care of them then after that, you can go home."

As much as I was tempted to whine, beg, and practically grovel to get out of here on time, I could feel myself caving. I'd always liked Donald. He cut me slack and wasn't on my case too much, especially when I had a bad day but came in to work anyway. He knew all about my scars and surprisingly didn't gawk everytime my shirt collar didn't quite conseal my neck. "This gets me out of sidework, silverware_ and_ cleaning my section. Whoever comes in after me can handle all that."

"Just promise to take care of the party and keep up with your sidework." He agreed, almost in a relieved frenzy. This guy was seriously acting like I was going to change my mind at any second if he didn't agree fast enough with my demands.

"And I don't get anymore tables. It's almost five now, I'll keep an eye on who I have now, but my next and last customers are the party."

"Deal." He rushed out again and actually grasped my arm briefly before he started to head out into the dining room. "I'll even throw New Year's in for you, even though you didn't request it off like everyone else. I'll tell Stacy to keep your section cleared until the next server comes in."

"You drive such a hard bargin." I sighed, jokingly as I followed him up to the front. I wanted to make damn sure Stacy followed the boss' orders. For some reason, the overly-perky blonde didn't like me too much. I wasn't really sure why, but I didn't really go out of my way to figure it out. I knew she'd once had a crush on Edward, but that had been squelched when my brother found the love of his life in Bella. The two were inseperable and I made sure everyone knew it. You know, providing they couldn't tell just by watching Edward and Bella for all of five minutes. They weren't overly showy about their relationship, but there was no mistaking the looks that would pass between them when the couple thought no one was looking.

Donald made quick work of giving Stacy the low-down on our little agreement. She followed through, but gave me a grimace as I turned to go back to my lone table. She hated following the rules but her hands were tied. She couldn't really challenge the front-end manager and expect to keep herjob at the same time.

"Y'all doing okay?" I asked the eldery couple once I'd approached their table. The woman, Mrs. Grandy was taking a final sip of her iced tea while her husband pulled his white linen napkin off his lap and set it atop his now-empty plate.

"We sure are, dear." Mrs. Grandy smiled warmly at me then looked over at Mr. Grandy. "We're just going to need the check now. We have to get home and get ready for Christmas Eve."

"That's awesome." I smiled genuinely at her and slid the black folder with their ticket onto the table. Mr. Grandy snatched it up, but didn't kick up a fuss when he saw the total. He was notorious for that and I'd made Donald do a preemptive strike to keep him from making an idiot of himself. "What do you two have planned for the holiday?"

"Our grandchildren are spending the night with us." Mr. Grandy replied as he shoved a bill into the left side pocket of the folder and passed it back to me. "We're playing Santa for the first time in years."

"I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time." I smiled and nodded at both of them as I prepared to cash them out.

"What about you, sweetheart? Why're you still here? I'm sure your family is so anxious to have you home."

"They are." I agreed with a quiet smile and had to force a little enthusiasm into my smile. "But I won't be here much longer."

"This is your first Christmas with the Cullens, isn't it?" Mrs. Grandy surprised me by asking, thoroughly catching me off guard. I should've been prepared for that though. Everyone liked to talk in this town and no one was exempt from the rumor mill. The Cullens were unfortunate enough to _always_ have someone talking about them and their adopted children. Since I'd come to town, I just fueled the fires even more because of my absence during the first few months after my arrival.

"It is." I nodded, not wanting to wait too long in answering her question. While Ellen Grandy was a nice woman, she gossiped right along with the best of them.

"It must be tough on you." She went on, staring at me kindly as she patted the hand I was using to brace me against their table. "Being without your parents for the first time and in a new place. And after_everything_ you've been through."

Right then, I didn't want to talk to this woman anymore. While her intentions might've been pure, I still couldn't escape the nagging feeling that she was trying to fish for information. No one in town knew the exact reasons why I'd come to live with the Cullens and I wanted to keep it that way. Forcing a smile on my face, I said my goodbyes and wished them a happy holiday then spun away from the table.

The next half-hour passed slowly once I cashed the Grandys out and emerged from outside. Esme had sounded a little disappointed that I was being kept at work later than normal, but she understood and promised to keep a plate warm for me. My appreciation toward my foster mother carried me as I milled around, waiting for my final party of the evening to get here. I just wanted this night to be over with. The Lodge was open on Christmas Day, but had different hours than normal. I was just lucky that I had the next day off. Anyone who had agreed to work Christmas Eve and actually showed up were rewarded with the next two days, as well as New Year's Eve off. That was the only reason I didn't call in this morning. It was just an added bonus that I now had New Year's day off too.

But as I walked up to the hostess stand and saw the next set of people arriving, I began to feverishly wish that I had called in.

There, in all his mysteriously dark glory, stood Damon Spencer with people I presumed to be his parents. The resemblence between the young man and his father was hard to mistake, and it had bled over onto another young man, who looked a little younger than Damon. Still, they were dressed in almost the exact same thing. Damon had his signature leather jacket on and had paired it with dark jeans and a silky-looking black button down. The boy I presumed to be his brother had a similar jacket on, but the material of his leather jacket looked worn and wrinkly. Still, he was impeccably dressed in dark denim and a dark blue shirt open against a black undershirt. His hair was about as long as his brothers, holding a hint of a wave to the tresses.

"Welcome to the Lodge." Stacy greeted them, looking a little _too_ chipper to greet the good-looking family. I just rolled my eyes behind her back and started to gather up their menus. I was tempted to grab a child's menu for Damon, but thought better of it. Instead, I plastered a smile onto my face and stepped off the rounded platform.

"I'm Baylee, your server for the evening." I finally greeted the family and took a step back to lead them toward their table. Looking at them now, I could see why Donald had set up a private table in the back for these people. They looked like they had more money than Carlisle could've ever dreamed of owning in his lifetime. "If you'll just follow me, your table's all set up."

"Perfect." The woman, a gorgeous brunette with long hair and impossible curves smiled and started to lead her family forward. "I wasn't sure if we'd gotten our reservation in on time."

"We've taken care of all of it for you." I reassured her then turned and lead her through the maze of tables. The dining room was a little more full thanks to the hour, and I wanted to snicker at the expressions on some of my co-workers' faces. Apparently I wasn't the only one that hated working on a holiday as busy as this one was promising to be.

I kept my pace slow enough to keep anyone from thinking that I was in a rush and had the family of four seated in no time. Their menus were set beside pristine cylinders of silverware and I stepped back to let them take their seats. I could feel eyes on me and glanced up to find Damon watching me as he eased into the chair now directly in front of me. His father took the seat to his left once his wife was in her seat, which left his brother to sit on his right side.

"Would y'all like a few minutes to look over our drink specials?" I asked and clasped my hands behind my back. All so I'd have something to do while they got situated and opened their menus.

"Such a charming little accent." Mrs. Spencer smiled at me suddenly, her own accent dipping into her syllables. "Where are you from, dear?"

"Texas, ma'am." I replied courteously, keeping my eyes fixed intently on hers.

"I thought so." She smiled and even winked at me as I pulled my server book from my apron so I could get their drink orders once they had decided. "A Southerner always knows when she encounters one of her kind. Were you raised in Texas? Your accent isn't as thick as some that I've come across."

I could feel my cheeks beginning to tint and wondered if Damon was having a mental field day with this. "I was raised in Texas." I answered and took a step closer to her chair, mentally aware that I now had the entire family's attention. Even the quiet younger son who looked like he wanted to be anywhere _but_ here. "But I've spent the last year here in Forks."

"Is that when your parents moved to town?" I jumped a little in surprise when Mr. Spencer addressed me, instead of his wife. His accent was just as thick as his wife's.

"No sir." I shook my head slowly and hugged my book to my stomach carefully. "My guardians live here. I relocated shortly after the holidays."

"How sad." Mrs. Spencer frowned and didn't really bother to conceal the pity in her eyes. Something I hated seeing, even after all this time. "What happened to your parents, honey?"

I swallowed thickly and looked down at the scuffed tops of my boots. I really didn't want to answer this question.

"Mom." A new voice broke through and I looked up instantly to find the younger son coming to my defense. "I'm sure she doesn't feel comfortable giving us her whole life story while she waits for us to decide what we want to drink."

"Of course." Mrs. Spencer conceeded, her cheeks flushing a little and smiled sadly up at me. "Excuse my brazen behavior. I'm just surprised to have found a young lady like you so far up north."

"No worries." I smiled encouragingly at her then glanced around at the entire table. I wanted to verbally thank the nameless boy for cutting his mother off, but couldn't. Not if I wanted my tip to stay in tact. "I'll just give you all a few minutes to look over the drinks and see if you'd like an appetizer to start your meal off with."

The four guests nodded their consent and as I turned to walk away from the table, I had to fight the urge to walk around the other way and smack Damon upside the head with my book. As enticing as it was to wipe that smug smile off his face, I didn't think it would go over so well with his parents. Who, I assumed, were playing for this whole outing.

But maybe I'd get a tip for knocking him down a peg. Doubtful but a girl could dream.

I made quick work of getting them their drinks once they'd ordered and put in the appetizer before I headed back for the table. I'd just got within eyeshot of the family when Edward suddenly appeared. With Bella and two other familiar figures in tow.

I had a feeling my night was about to get a whole lot worse.

"Hey." I smiled at Edward and hugged Bella, already feeling eyes on my back as I stepped back to greet two of the foursome. Jasper and Miranda were with them, but I wasn't letting myself look at either one of them just yet. "What're you guys doing here? I figured y'all would be stuffing your faces right about now."

"Mom almost burned down the kitchen." Emmett announced as he suddenly appeared.

"I did not." Esme challenged and swiped at the back of her tall son's head. I snickered in spite of myself but tried to cover it with a cough as I stepped forward to hug my mother of sorts. "I left Carlisle in charge of the turkey and that poor bird just didn't stand a chance."

Chuckling, I just shook my head and exchanged a sad smile with the head of the family as he joined the rest of the group. "Poor bird." I echoed Esme's former words then stepped back. "I hate to do this but I have to get back to work. I'm sure my table's wondering where I am."

"Of course." Esme nodded and mutely started to shoo me away. But before I could get too far, Donald walked up and smiled sheepishly at me.

"Baylee, I know you said you could only handle one table but there's no one to take the Cullens. Would you mind waiting on your family as well? That way you can just leave together since I'm sure the Spencers will have finished by the time your family gets their entres."

I wanted to kick him. Right then and there. But I just smiled and shook my head. "Course not, just set them up at a table near the Spencers? I'm too tired to run back and forth across the restaurant."

"And we won't have her doing that anyway." Esme smiled and looped her arm around my waist. I smiled weakly at her then gently disentangled myself.

"Donald will get you all set up, okay? I'll be there as soon as I can." Once I had approval from the family members I wasn't ignoring, I turned and set off for the Spencer's table. Yeah, tonight was going to be a lot longer than I'd originally thought it would be.


	7. When It's Over

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Time without Internet = lots of new chapters. I thought about stringing it out, but over two weeks without anything? Couldn't let new chapters just sit. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just in charge of original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: WHEN IT'S OVER - THREE DOORS DOWN**

_"You must be happy with yourself. You think you're so much better than me. Why do you love to see me fail so much? Cause on that day you crawl back on your knees, tell me who will save you? When there's no one else around and you can't turn to me. Tell me where will you be? When it's over, and all this pride you hold inside is gone. Tell me, where will you hide? When it's over, and everything you know is said and done. When it's over, where will you run? Do your memories haunt your dreams? Do they simply seem to have a mind of their own? Tell me what the emptiness brings. And everything you know is every thing but gone. Tell me who will save you when there's no one else around and you can't turn to me? Tell me, where will you be?"_

* * *

**Chapter Seven:**

The Spencers had food and specified condiments at their fingertips. After making sure they were pleased and would be okay for a few minutes, I turned my sights onto the sudden arrival of my family.

The Cullens looked like something straight out of a greeting card as they smiled, laughed, and munched on their appetizers. Part of my brain still couldn't believe that _this_ was my family. No matter what was thrown at them, no matter what changes they had to adapt to or obstacles to overcome, they were still a family. Nothing could tear them apart and I envied that in a way.

Forcing myself out of my thoughts, I lightly flicked Emmett's ear as I came up to the table. Once again, I had the feeling of eyes on me but ignored it as I smiled at my family. "You guys decide on dinner yet or did Carlisle go off on another tangent?"

Everyone laughed, minus Jasper and Miranda. It surprised me a little how sullen and ostracized they looked. They were seated at the end of the long table, the chairs in front of them empty in favor of ones closer to our parents. Hmm, odd.

I didn't have time to dwell on that though. In order to get me back for flicking his ears, Emmett started to rattle off the most disgusting meal I'd ever heard in my life but ended the whole thing with a loud curse when Rosalie reached over and pinched the inside of his thigh as hard as she could.

Winking at my beautiful, blonde sister, I pursed my lips together and raised an eyebrow at my burly brother. "So basically you want a steak cooked medium, with green beans and a loaded baked potato?"

Emmett gaped at me for a minute then leaned over to his dad, who sat right next to him. "Dad, make sure to tip this one good, okay? She's freakin' psychic!" He whispered, rather obnoxiously then leaned as far back in his chair as he could to pretend to check me out. Once again, I was overcome by temptation to inflict bodily harm. But one look at Rosalie's face told me that she wanted to do the same thing I did; flip Emmett right out of his chair.

Everyone laughed simultaniously and I couldn't help joining in. Shaking my head, I glanced over at the Spencers' and started to turn toward them when Mrs. Spencer looked up and around expectantly. As nice as this family was, I couldn't help but be irked by their needy attitudes.

"Actually look at the menu this time, okay?" I jokingly childed my family and stepped back. "I'll be right back over."

Esme noticed the other woman starting to get impatient and rolled her eyes. "Take your time, honey."

Winking at her, I flicked Emmett's ear again then walked back over to the other table. "Is everything okay?"

Mrs. Spencer's eyes widened a little at my sudden appearance and smiled a little. "I was just wondering where your manager is. This is the best cooked salmon I've ever tasted."

I smiled and breathed a little sigh of relief that all she wanted was to compliment the manager about her meal. "I'll send him right over."

"And," Damon drawled and I looked over at him in surprise. He hadn't talked much during the course of his family's meal and now he was looking at me with that cocky little grin that had haunted my dreams for the past few nights. "To compliment our waitress." He winked discreetly at me then turned his attention to his mother. "We can't forget to do that, Mom. She's been pretty attentive to us."

"That's right." Mrs. Spencer smiled dotingly at her son then looked up at me. "I don't think we've had such excellent service in a while either. And I know it must be difficult for you, juggling us with a larger party also needing your attention."

I glanced over at my family then shrugged with a small smile playing on my lips. "That's just my family. They understand my time restraints."

"Oh." Mrs. Spencer blinked in surprise and actually turned her head to look at the Cullens, who were all probably laughing at something Carlisle had said. Or, knowing my family, something Emmett had done. "I had no idea your guardians were the Cullen family."

"Yup." I nodded and knelt down, locking my arms for support on the spare bit of table between Damon and his younger brother. "I don't really go around bragging about being a doctor's kid."

"I understand." Mrs. Spencer smiled at me then raised an eyebrow slightly. "They have so many kids, I don't know how the doctor's wife has handled them all. And you all look so close in age!"

In spite of myself, I turned my head to gaze at my family and found myself looking directly at Jasper. He looked up then and locked eyes with me. A weird jolt ran through me and I raised an eyebrow slightly when I fully gaged his expression. It wasn't that he was unhappy being with his family in public. His distress seemed to come from the blonde sitting next to him, commanding his full attention away from his siblings and parents. Shaking myself mentally, I forced myself to look away from Jasper and turned back to the Spencer family. "We're actually a motley crew. They were all adopted. It's just luck that some of us are the same ages."

Damon, for the first time that evening, didn't have a smile on his face as he stared down at me. "Sounds very confusing."

"You get used to it." I shrugged and rose back to my full height. "Is there anything else y'all need? I'll be sure to make sure the manager comes to talk to you as soon as he can."

"We don't need anything else at the moment." Mr. Spencer smiled briefly at me then returned to the plate of food in front of him. Nodding, I gave them all one more smile then went to grab my family's dinner orders.

It was taxing, getting them all to admit to what they wanted. But luckily I already had Emmett's order. He was usually the most playful of our bunch. I'd just gotten to Jasper when Esme interjected quietly. I held up a finger to the blonde male and eased down the table to kneel behind her chair.

"What's up?" I asked quietly.

A small frown was set on her features, directed at her quiet son, but disappeared once her eyes landed one me. "Go ahead and tack on whatever you want. Once you're through with your other table, we've already gotten Donald to agree to let you sit down and eat with us. Once you're done, you can cash us out then get ready to come home."

"Oh Esme." I whispered and straightened up to wrap my arms around her shoulders. Kissing her cheek, I quickly regained my composure and stood up fully. "I'll be okay. I'll just grab something once I get home."

"Nonsense." Carlisle added in, having heard exactly what his wife was talking to me about. "There's no point in us eating when you've already been given permission to eat with us. And you must be starving."

"Please." I sighed and hung my head, eyes closing for a second. "I just wanna make sure you guys get fed then go home. I've been here all day."

Esme seemed to understand what I was saying and nodded silently. I squeezed her shoulder lightly then moved to stand between Jasper and Miranda's chairs. The only members of the party that I didn't have food orders for. "What'll you have?"

Jasper looked up instantly at my brisk tone and frowned. "Can't even talk to me like you know me?"

The hand holding my pen dropped a little and I sighed mentally as I lowered my eyes to meet his. "Will you please just tell me what you want to eat, Jasper? I don't have all the time in the world here."

Miranda muttered something under her breath, something I couldn't hear. But Alice, who was sitting in the chair right next to the vacant one in front of Jasper did and frowned at her brother's girlfriend.

And this chick wondered why the Cullens hated her. Gee....

It took some effort, but I finally got everyone's orders and went over to the nearest welling station, which was just a computer screen and cabinet of condiments underneath, to put it all in. I'd just finished and turned to check on the Spencers when a very unexpected guest appeared in front of me.

"Damon." I breathed and looked up at him in shock. "I was just coming back over to your table."

"Figured I'd save you the trip." He smiled at me, practically imagining me naked and leaned a shoulder against the wooden divider set up around the cabinet.

Tired and completely fed up with frustrating men, I rolled my eyes and shoved my book into my apron. "Dude, stop trying to imagine me naked. You won't be happy with what's actually underneath my clothes."

"Is that a challenge?" His eyes, darker in the limited light, lit up and his smile stretched a little more across his lips. I wanted to smack him again but just stepped back instead.

"No." I replied evenly and looked him square in his shocking blue eyes. "It's not a challenge. It's not an invitation either. I don't play games and that's pretty much all you seem to thrive on. So let me clear the air for you, okay? I'm not interested in getting to know you better, I'm not interested in dating you. And I sure as hell ain't interested in your talents between the sheets. I'm still a virgin and I pretty much plan on dying that way."

Information overload, maybe. But I wanted to get my point across. Yeah, he was the new kid in town and I was grateful to him for taking that title from me. But everything about this guy screamed game. And I didn't have time or patience for those. I was still smarting from the mental whirlwind known as my courtship with Jasper and wasn't looking for another round any time soon. With anyone. I just wanted to be left alone so I could complete my senior year and get on with my life.

Several expressions crossed his features as he stood in front of me. Or rather, _lounging. _Finally, he seemed to decide on grim determination and straightened up as if preparing to leave. But it wasn't going to be as simple as that. He leaned into me and I refused to back down. Or shy away in the tiniest way. So I stood my ground, arms crossed over my chest with my eyes locked on his.

"I'll make you change your mind." He vowed solemnly, no hint of amusement or joke in his voice and features. He believed what he was saying. He _actually_ thought he had a chance of getting into my pants.

Rolling my eyes was probably a bad judgement call, but I was too tired to keep fighting impulses."Your family's looking for you and mine is hungry. Can I get back to work now?"

"Of course." Damon answered and moved away from me. "You weren't being held here against your will, you know."

I rolled my eyes again and even huffed as I walked around him and disappeared into the kitchen. As badly as I wanted this night to just _end_, everyone seemed to be hell-bent on not giving me exactly what I wanted.

Once I was sure that Damon had returned to his family, I revisted their table and breathed a mental sigh of relief when I wasn't greeted by several stares of death. Not that I counted on Damon to be some kind of snitch, but I did expect him to have a mean streak that entailed him messing with my tip.

"Did the manager come talk to you?" I asked, pointly staring at everyone _but_ Damon. I didn't need to look at him to know he was practically smirking at me. Silently daring me to say or do something out of the character I was presenting to his family.

"He sure did." Mrs. Spencer smiled up at me as I paused behind her chair. "Thank you for getting him over here so quickly."

"No problem." I smiled at her and leaned between her and the still-nameless Spencer to start clearing away tables.

"May I ask you a question?" Mr. Spencer asked suddenly, catching me off-guard enough that I nearly dropped the plates I'd just picked up.

"Sure." I blushed and tucked short hairs behind my ear, momentarily forgetting about the empty dishes that needed to be taken back into the kitchen.

"How old are you? I've been trying to figure it out all night and just cannot."

"Eighteen." I replied and grinned a little. "That's the youngest age they can employ servers here, since we sell alcohol. Why do you ask?"

"I've just been trying to guess." Mr. Spencer's grin was a little unnerving and reminded me a little too much of his son's. "Are you still a student?"

"Yes sir." I admitted with a small nod and moved around the table to collect more pieces of china. "I'm a senior at Forks High."

"What a coincidence." Mrs. Spencer smiled and even clapped! _Clapped_. Just because I was still in high school. "Our youngest boy here starts once the holidays are over. He'll be a senior as well."

"Really?" Now it all made sense. The boy now to my immediate right seemed painfully shy. So shy that his family was stepping in just to ensure he'd know someone walking into Forks High. "Well, the best advice I can give you is get ready for the most boring six months of your life."

I was joking, but apparently not carrying it out very well. Nameless lifted his eyes to mine in a bit of a panic, causing me to feel sorry for him even more. "Is it that bad?" He asked quietly, but in a pretty calm voice considering what his parents were trying to set up for him.

"It's not too bad." I allowed and gave him a reassuring grin. "But if you need help, you can always just look out for me. Or my brother, sister, and best friend. We kind of ban together at school. Our group could always use one more."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized that Alice would be very attracted to this kid. I hated that my sister, beautiful and crazy in the best of ways, had yet to catch someone's eye. Suddenly, I was in matchmaker mode all over again. I just hoped my luck held like it had when I was trying to get Edward and Bella together.

"Thanks." He replied, sounding genuinely honest as he smiled up at me.

"No problem." I winked at him then held my full arms up a little. "Just let me drop these off in the kitchen. Are y'all wanting desert tonight?"

"Heavens no." Mrs. Spencer sighed and lightly patted her still-taut belly. "I couldn't possibly eat another bite."

"Just the check, please?" Mr. Spencer answered after a adoring smile to his wife. Nodding, I quietly promised to be right back and darted into the kitchen. As I stood there, putting away the separate dishes, I tried to figure out a way to get the younger Spencer's name. If I told Alice about him, I knew she'd throttle me for not having his name on hand. I almost felt sorry for him in a way, snickering as I imagined Alice pulling out all the stops to impress him. Providing she found him attractive.

But seeing as how I couldn't stop staring at his dangerously attractive older brother, I wasn't entirely sure I had anything to worry about.


	8. Sober

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Time without Internet = lots of new chapters. I thought about stringing it out, but over two weeks without anything? Couldn't let new chapters just sit. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just in charge of original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: SOBER - PINK**

_"I don't wanna be the girl that laughs the loudest. Or the girl who never wants to be alone. I don't want to be that call at four o'clock in the morning, cause I'm the only one in the world you know who won't be home. The sun is blinding, I stayed up again. Oh, I am finding that's not the way I want my story to end. I'm safe, up high. Nothing can touch me. Why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside, you're my protection. So how do I feel this good sober? I don't want to be the girl who has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation. Cause I won't remember, save your breath, cause what's the use? The night is calling and it whispers to me softly, come and play. I am fallen, and if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame."_

* * *

**Chapter Eight:**

Christmas morning dawned a lot earlier than I wanted it to. I couldn't remember what time I'd finally gone to bed, but I could tell it was late. Everyone had waited up for me then gotten mad when I told them exactly what had kept me from being able to leave when they did.

The Spencers didn't pay for their meal until after I had all the facts I needed about their youngest son, Draven. Apparently the couple had a thing for gothic sounding names. Damon and Draven Spencer. Sounded like something straight out of a horror novel. But then again, I was used to the normal names of my family; I was the oddball with the name Baylee.

Yawning as I slowly walked into the kitchen, still dressed in my pajamas even though it was nearly two in the afternoon; I wasn't all that surprised when I walked in on Jasper and Miranda making out beside the breakfast table. Or rather, making out _on_ the breakfast table.

Miranda was in Jasper's lap, greedily kissing on his neck while Jasper had his head thrown back and both hands up her shirt. Classy. Real classy.

My appetite vanished almost instantly and I surprisingly didn't make a loud noise to signal my presence. I didn't want to give them any more ammo to consider me the jealous ex. Granted I _was_ jealous, but I'd never practically sex Jasper up at the same table our family ate on every day.

"Baylee!" Alice squealed and skid to a stop right in front of me. Before I could leave the kitchen. She rolled her eyes as the couple jumped apart guiltily and I briefly considered murder as I walked around my tiny sister. I was suddenly in need of some air. I didn't care that I was still wearing my tank top and pajama bottoms, that my back was mostly bare and exposed for the world to see. The entire house just felt_ way_ too damn small.

Alice followed and as soon as I slid the back door closed, she was off on a rampage.

"The _nerve_! How could they seriously _think _it's a good idea to go at it there?! That girl is such a horrible influence on him! He never would've done that with anyone else. Did you _see_..." She lost steam as soon as she saw the strangled look on my face and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her then pulled away, already shivering.

"I'm so sorry Baylee. If I'd known they were practically screwing in the kitchen, I never would've pounced on you in there. Are you okay? You really need to get inside. Your back's totally exposed."

"My back's fine." I muttered, but shivered anyway as I plopped down on the back steps. The same steps I'd once found Edward and Jasper jamming on. That day felt so long ago that a new wave of anguish swept over me. "But what'd you want to talk to me about?"

She opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally pouted. "How'd you know?"

I snickered, in spite of my mood and the artic temperature and slung an arm around my tiny sibling's shoulders once she was seated and still beside me. "Dude, are you kidding me? I know you better than I know myself sometimes. And the look you had in there just screamed that you've been dying to tell me something."

"Okay," She caved with a small laugh and leaned into me. Right then, the sliding door behind us opened and we both jumped in surprise.

Rosalie appeared, rolled her eyes then stepped outside with a mess of gray in her arms. "Chill, it's just me." She closed the glass door behind her then tossed the bundle into my lap. "Esme saw you escape out here and I know you just woke up. Which means that Alice hasn't had a chance to grill you yet. Plus I'm extremely nosey and want to hear too."

"Which means pow wow." I sighed, jokingly and winked at my impossibly gorgeous sister. I picked up the blanket she'd thrown at me and wrapped the soft fabric around my shoulders. Alice grabbed the extra one and huddled in, arms tucked into her stomach. Then, just as I expected, both sets of eyes landed on me expectantly.

"The guy you waited on last night was _hot_." Rosalie started, but was promptly interrupted by Alice.

"You kidding? Both of those boys were hot!" She gushed and pulled a hand free to start fanning herself dramatically.

I snickered and shook my head slowly. Only my sisters could pull me out of a funky mood that I felt content to dwell in for a little while. "I will agree with you there." I finally sighed, knowing that my confession of sorts was going to spiral us into a conversation I wasn't entirely ready to have.

"I knew it!" Alice nearly exploded in triumph. "Was that the guy you were telling us about? The one that literally bumped into you at the Thriftway."

"One and the same." I allowed with a quick nod of my head. "And his family, the Spencers. Apparently the youngest one is going to be finishing up his senior year with us."

"Really?" My tiny sister's eyes lit up and Rosalie almost snickered. Not quite, but almost. "What's his name?"

"The youngest one is named Draven." I started and paused long enough to smile knowingly at her. "I told him if he needs anyone to hang with once school starts back up, to look for us."

"Baylee's in matchmaker mode." Rosalie announced quietly, with a playful little smirk on her face. "And it's about time you targeted Alice. It's been way too damn long since she had a member of the opposite sex to torment."

"That isn't in our family." I agreed with my blonde sibling, which sent us into loud peals of laughter. Even though we were laughing about something insanely stupid and mundane by most standards, I didn't care. I couldn't remember the last time I just _laughed_ with the female members of my family. Without worrying if we were going to hurt anyone's feelings, or worrying that I would hurt myself if I accidentally lost my balance while indulging in the funnier sides of my family.

I'd really missed hanging with my sisters like this, people I hadn't been able to count on last Christmas.

"Okay," Rosalie was the first one to sober up, but hints of a smile were playing on her lips. "Time to give us all the dirt you know about the Spencer boys."

I jokingly gaped at her for a second then stood up and opened the sliding glass. Sticking my head inside, I immediately called for Emmett before the blonde could thwarf me. "Oh Emmett! Rosalie's thinking about trading you in for a newer model!"

"Like hell!" Emmett bellowed right as Rosalie's chest collided with my back. I was expecting the crash, but it still hurt when we fell into the house and ended up sprawled on the tile floor. I was instantly caught up in a wild case of the giggles, with my curvy sister laying over me laughing her perfect ass off. Just then, several people rushed in and all demanded to know what had just happened.

One glance to my left and I started laughing even harder when I saw Alice tumble down the steps, she was laughing so hard.

"The hell?!" Emmett growled again, but I could hear the laughter in his own voice as he helped Rosalie up. A loud grunt passed my lips when her weight was suddenly relieved from my body and I looked up when another hand stretched out across my head. Taking it, I hopped up effortlessly and started to readjust the blanket that was had fallen around my waist in our little tumbling act.

"Thanks." I smiled brightly at my rescuer but as soon as I saw the glare from hell, I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel. What did Jasper _possibly_ have to gain in helping me up, only to give me a dirty look? His behavior, which had just gotten even more sullen since the night before, was really starting to confuse the hell out of me.

But I didn't care. I heard a couple people hollering my name as I headed for my bedroom to change, but ignored every single one. It wasn't until I was inside my room and halfway through the changing process that I realized I'd been barged in on. Yet again.

"Dude!" I huffed and whirled around, ready for some kind of verbal spar. Shock rendered me immobile the second I saw Jasper leaning against my closed door. "What the hell?"

"We need to talk." He responded quietly, yet in an eerily calm voice that just freaked me out worse than I already was.

"It's Christmas." I sighed and let my shoulders slump, holding the hoodie I'd just prepared to throw on over my tank top and jean ensemble at my side. "Can we please just _not _do this? I'm sick of the back and forth we have going on here."

"You think I like the tension between us?" He asked and pushed a shoulder effortlessly off the door. Distance was quickly lost and he was in my face before I had even a second to think about moving back. "Baylee, I hate being at odds with you."

"Funny." I frowned and immediately wanted to smack him as hard as I could across the face. "I seem to remember you being the one ignoring _me_ as soon as we got back to Forks." I blurted out, hating that he was trying to throw all of this on my shoulders. Yeah, I had pushed him to the breaking point, but the rest of the sequence of events was on him. I wasn't the one ignoring hm, I wasn't the one flaunting some hooker around the house to show how 'over' someone I was. Hell, because of him I was spurning the advances of a pretty hot guy. A guy that, for some unknown reason, chose to turn his sights onto _me._ That was yet another mystery waiting to be unraveled in my life.

Jasper started to say something and I reacted without thinking, slapping my hand across his mouth as my free hand tossed my beloved hoodie onto my bed. "Dude, I don't care anymore." I rushed out, wanting to get it all said and done now. While we were alone and before the blonde beast charged in and started accusing me of stuff I hadn't even _thought_ about doing to her boyfriend. "I really, honestly don't. It was a good try, that's it. Things didn't work out, and you moved on. I get that and for the most part, respect your relationship. I'm tired of dwelling on it, of having everyone whisper about all the drama between us now. You know I've never thrived on that shit. So it ends now, I'm putting a stop to it all. It's your choice how you treat me from this point on. But from where I stand? We have nothing else to talk about. We're siblings, that's it."

Before he had a chance to say anything, before there was even that little opening for him to put some tiny seed of doubt into my head; I snatched up my hoodie and walked out of my bedroom. It was Christmas and Esme had kindly prevented anyone from opening their gifts until I woke up. The very least I could do was put everyone out of their misery so they could quit trying to guess what they were recieving for the holiday.

The actual gift exchange, once everyone gathered together in the living room where the most beautiful tree I'd ever witnessed, was pretty fast. Carlisle doled out the gifts and then gave us all the greenlight to just dig in. I was actually a little surprised by the gifts I recieved. Most of my loot consisted of books, all replacements of the beloved paperbacks I'd lost in the fire. A couple of CDs were also thrown in and a new CD carrying case for my car completed my bounty. I was grateful for all the small gifts, having asked my family repeatedly to keep it all simple. Esme and Alice were the toughest to convince, but after promising to let them take me on a massive shopping spree before Rosalie went home, I pretty much got my way.

They'd be able to overload me in less than twenty-four hours.

Stashing my stuff in my room, I set my hoodie aside as well. It was a little warm in the house, thanks to Edward fiddling with the thermostat in order to keep me from hiding underneath my comforting layers. The doorbell rang as soon as I cleared the bottom of the staircase and frowned when I realized I was the closest to the door.

Just as I reached for the door knob, Edward appeared out of nowhere. The doorbell sounded again and he nodded at me. Widening my eyes in surprise and confusion, he gestured to my room. His payback for cranking the heat up on me. Blowing him a kiss, I jogged back down the hall I'd just come through and had cleared the doorway when a familiar voice rang throughout the first floor of the house.

"Is Baylee home?"

Oh_ crap_. This wasn't happening. I refused to accept this as reality!

Snatching up my hoodie, I swore under my breath just as Edward called for me. "Bay! That dude from the restaurant last night's here."

Once again, I found myself traveling down the familiar hallway with a fake as hell smile plastered to my lips. "Thanks." Smiling at my taller sibling, I managed to kick my leg back enough that the side of my foot connected easily with his ass. He shot me a dirty look, pinched the small of my back and disappeared into the living room as I stepped out onto the front porch.

"To what do I owe this unexpected intrusion?" Jasper had depleted my kindness stores, I wasn't taking any prisoners now.

Damon looked unpreterbed by my mood, smiling lazily with a hand shoved into the pocket of his jacket as I closed the door behind me and rested back against it. "I just wanted to come apologize for my family's behavior last night. I know you were pretty anxious to get home."

"I was tired." I admitted, giving him only a little leeway. That was all I could allow right then. It was cold, I didn't want to be standing out on my front porch in nothing but my Linkin Park hoodie and jeans, and most of all; I didn't want to be gearing up to trade verbal body slams with Damon Spencer. "Is that all you came over here for? To apologize on your family's behalf? You could've waited until the day _after_ Christmas for that. I'm with my family."

"I know." He replied and for a split second, there was no malice or condesending amusement in his voice. He was simply a young man standing in front of me, trying to make things right with the waitress his parents ran ragged the night before. There was just a small part of my brain that wasn't buying it. "But I also wanted to bring you this."

Damon held his hand out and I noticed the small bag dangling from his long fingers for the first time. My eyes rounded slightly and I was almost completely sure that I'd just heard him wrong. There was no way this kid, who I'd _just met_ had been kind enough to get me a Christmas present. And here I was empty-handed!

I could practically see the layings of a trap now. My defenses had been right in staying put when he dropped the tough guy bravado.

"I can't accept that." I admitted softly, my eyes glued to the plain black bag dangling from rounded silver handles.

"Why not?" Damon pressed and I looked up to find a semi-uncertain grin on his features.

"Cause I didn't get you anything." I admitted without any real hesitation. "And we don't know each other that well. You don't owe me anything, Damon. Showering me with gifts isn't going to do anything but deplete your bank account and leave you with crap you probably can't use." I went on then paused long enough to tilt my head slightly and squint at him. "But from what little I _do_ know of you, you'd probably just recycle the gifts on your next, unsuspecting victim."

"Wow." He breathed and slapped his free hand over his chest. I wanted to roll my eyes and thankfully resisted as the smile completely left his features. "Someone's _really_ screwed you over in the past. Are you this loving to every other stranger you come across that just wants to do something nice for you?"

"People don't do nice things for me." I challenged in a low voice, already knowing that I'd just set myself up for a pretty good argument from the cocky bad-boy type standing before me.

"Oh really?" He raised an eyebrow and dipped his chin toward his chest, looking at me now through eyelashes that nearly rivaled Edward's in length. "What do you call the Cullens taking you in? I doubt you knew each other when you first came to live with them."

"That's different." I blew his words off with a quick wave of my hand. "The Cullens are honoring an old promise between two dead families. They're free to toss me out on my ass at any second and they know it. I make my gratitude no secret with my guardians, but I know that it comes with a time restraint."

"I take it back." Damon breathed and finally took a step back. "A lot of people have hurt you in the past." He sighed and shook his head, almost as if my cynicsm was a crime that he just couldn't let slide any longer. He grinned again and held his hand out once more. "Just accept the gift, please? It's something I really do think you'll enjoy."

Sighing, I relented and took the tiny bag from him. "I still feel bad that I have nothing to give you in return."

"But you do." He grinned at me so suddenly that I quickly thought about running back into the house and bolting the doors behind me. I'd only seen a look like that once before in my life, the same sneering smirk that my step-father wore right before he dragged my defenseless mother into their bedroom and made her beg for death.

My skin was wanting to crawl right off my body and I reached behind me blindly to twist the door knob. I easily felt the door give way behind me and I stepped back instinctively. "Collect later." I retorted, emotionlessly and held up the small bag. "Thank you for the gift and the apology. But I really do need to get back to my family. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holidays."

"Always a pleasure, chatting with such a _lovely_ girl like you." He grinned at me again, even bowing a little at the waist. I'd just pulled my other foot back into the house when he turned suddenly and strode off the porch. I forgot all about slamming the door on his retreating back when he stopped beside the amazing black Ferrari that was parked right beside my Camaro.

I'd just accepted a gift from someone that the logical part of my brain never wanted to see again. But as I watched him slide effortlessly behind the wheel of his gorgeous car, I found myself wondering when I _would_ be seeing the cocky newcomer.


	9. Disarray

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ So sorry for the delay in chapters. Writer's Block is truly a crappy thing sometimes but I'm back in the thick of the story so things should start running more smoothly now. Anyway, enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I can only take credit for the originals._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: DISARRAY - LIFEHOUSE**

_"Struggling between the facts and fiction I'm alone but I'm alive. Everyone around me is trying to make a statement. Then there's me, I'm just trying to survive. Some day I'm gonna find it wish i knew what i was looking for inside the disarray. I woke up this morning don't know where I'm going but it's alright I wouldn't have it any other way. If this was any other day I'd pretend to know where I stand, I just don't know."_

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**

"Just open it already!" Bella blurted out after nearly half a minute of silence. She'd driven up just as Damon was starting up his car and caught me practically gawking at the dude's ride. The beauty of cars was wasted on her and for a fleeting second, as I stood in the doorway trying to remember how to move, I was grateful for her automotive ignorance.

"What if it's a dead animal?" I screeched then looked up at her blankly. "And why're you in here? I figured you'd be hanging with Edward."

"He can wait." She brushed my question off and shifted in her seat. I, on the other hand, felt frozen in place on the middle of my bed while she gazed impatiently at me from my worn chair. "You're more important right now and I'm sure if I told him that you were staring down a gift from Mystery Dude, he'd send me straight to your room. So why not cut out the middle man?"

I groaned and flopped over sideways, my curled legs moving in front of my stomach. "I so don't _want_ to know what's in that bag!"

Bella huffed and shook her head as she stood and plopped down in front of me. "Fine, want me to open it?"

"Yes!" I blurted out so suddenly, without letting myself think about it as I sat up eagerly. "You open it. Otherwise I'm throwing the damn thing in my closet and doing my best to forget about it."

"Won't work." She frowned and shook her head. "Alice would just find out about it then ream you later for not opening it immediately."

Damnit. She was right. It was a little scary how well we knew the tiny brunette terror known as Alice Cullen.

My nerves started to get the best of me as Bella peered cautiously into the small, unoffensive little bag then reached a hand in to pull the matching tissue paper that was peeking out against the handles. "Who gives a Christmas gift wrapped in black?" She frowned and tossed the paper aside.

"Damon Spencer, apparently." I muttered and started to actually squirm as she reached a hand in then started rooting around with her fingers. My eyes were so trained on the bag itself that I missed the look of surprise passing my best friend's features when her fingers hit something solid.

Within seconds, the gift was out and laying on the comforter between us. As soon as I saw the shiny jewel case, my breathing hitched and my eyes rounded in surprise. No _freaking way_!

There, laying between us in all it's perfect little glory, was a CD I hadn't seen in over a year. The original demo from Linkin Park, back when they were still calling themselves Hybrid Theory. The artwork I could probably trace with my eyes closed gleamed up at me, a tiny fetus painted in septia hues with HYBRID THEORY etched in white against the black border underneath.

"This is unreal." I breathed and looked up to meet Bella's eyes. She looked just as surprised as I did, but probably for completely different reasons. This CD was so rare that I couldn't help wondering how Damon had come across a treasure like this. I'd had to join the band's fan club during the first year to get my copy. And now, an exact duplica lay in front of me, just begging to be opened and listened to.

"I did not see this coming." Bella breathed and I looked up at her sharply. What _had _she seen coming?!

"Did you expect something specific to be in the bag?" I asked before I could really stop myself, letting way too much anger seep into my voice. Anger that had absolutely nothing to do with her.

"Hey!" She shot out and stared up at me woundedly as I vaulted off the bed then turned to snatch up the offending little jewel case. "Why're you so mad at me all of a sudden? I had nothing to do with this."

"I'm not mad at you!" I burst out and angrily raked both hands through my hair. My fingers interlocked against the top of my head and came to a stop at the base of my skull. "I'm mad at _him_. How did he _know_ what kind of gift that I would like? He knew there was no way I'd want to return this. It's too awesome of a present for someone like me."

Bella bit down on her bottom lip and looked away so suddenly that I momentarily forgot all about my anger. I could tell...just by the look on her face, she wanted to say something and had a feeling I wasn't about to like whatever passed her lips next.

"Just ask." I sighed and turned, flopping back onto my bed before letting my head fall sideways to stare at her. "I know you want to and you're suddenly paranoid that I'm gonna freak out on you again. I promise I won't, so just ask."

"Why do you hate him giving you a gift so much? He was probably just trying to do something nice for you."

"Oh no." I scoffed and sat up on my elbows. "There's no way that a guy like Damon Spencer does something out of the kindness of his heart."

"Then why else would he be doing it?"

That brought me up short! How could I answer her question and not come off as some kind of cynical little brat? There wasn't a way and my best friend seemed to know that.

"Baylee, I think you like this guy." She finally admitted, meekly, after a couple beats of silence. But before I could offer any type of protest, and I had plenty of those, she was off and running. "I know you're going to say that you don't. That he's just some annoying, arrogant jerk who wants nothing more than to bug the crap out of you. But really, why else would this gift bother you so badly if there wasn't a part of you that wanted to keep it?"

"Of course I wanna keep it!" I rushed out and sat up quickly, waving the CD around wildly. "This is the rarest CD the band has ever made. I don't even want to _think _about how he came across this. They never put it into stores and the only reason I ever had a copy in the first place was because my stepfather had a labotomy moment and let me sign up for their fan club. That was the _only_ way they put this out to the public."

"But it's more than that." She stressed and I wanted to hide in a very big, very dark hole. "Bay, you've been fighting this guy ever since you first ran into him at the Thriftway. And I can tell you've already talked yourself out of letting this guy in any further than you already have. But what's it going to hurt? Not everything you embark on is going to be a lifetime sort of deal. Who says you can't have fun with this Damon guy and just see where it goes?"

I stared at her like she was growing another head. I loved Bella Swan to pieces, but sometimes she was just way too on mark for my comfort levels to be happy with. Yeah, if I was being honest with myself, there was a part of me that wanted to see where things went with Damon Spencer. But reality just did not like me as much as my little fantasy world did.

"You really want to know?" I asked, nearly silent in bewilderment. Bella nodded solemnly and I yanked back the collar of my shirt down to expose the charred skin that ran underneath the fabric. "_That's_ why. He's going to take one look at my scars and go screaming for the hills. Not everyone is as forgiving and understanding of this as you and the Cullens are. Hell, I'm surprised Jasper never...."

As soon as I said his name, I immediately regretted it. My mind wasted no time in conjuring up painful old memories. The night I'd fought with Jasper and exposed myself for the hideous monster I thought myself to be. Of course, he'd had no problem with it. Jasper had his own scars to battle, not that they were as severe as mine. But he had his own wounds to contend with nonetheless. And in a way, it'd put us on some kind of equal footing. I saw his flaws, he saw mine. And surprisingly, we didn't judge each other for them.

Though, there was no real way I could overlook my flaws. They were seared into my body. Quite literally.

"Baylee?" I jerked suddenly when Edward knocked on my bedroom door then poked his head inside. "Sorry to interrupt the estrogene powwow, but Carlisle wants to see you in his office and Bella, we gotta get going if you still want us to catch that movie you were talking about the other day."

God bless my best friend. She smiled sheepishly at her boyfriend then, still holding that expression in place, cut her eyes to me.

My own eyes rolled in their sockets as I waved her off. "Go on. I've already taken up enough of your time. Go have fun and enjoy your movie."

"You sure?" She asked, looking just as uncertain as she sounded.

"I'm sure." I nodded then winked and blew her a kiss for further emphasis. "Besides," I muttered and climbed to my feet before tossing the rare Linkin Park CD back onto my bed. "the doctor calls."

Both Bella and Edward snickered at my martyred expression and led the way out into the hall. I waved them off once we were at the stairs then turned and vaulted up, two at a time. But just as I reached the landing, I saw Jasper and the hag from Seattle leave Jasper's bedroom.

Okay, there was something I didn't want to think about; the two of them holed up in his room and thoroughly disobeying Doc and Mrs. Cullens' rules about sexual activities.

I bent my head and brushed past them, zeroing in on Carlisle's door when I heard Miranda whisper rather loudly from behind me.

"Please say she doesn't think those scars are _attractive_?!"

Stopping short, I briefly contemplated throwing her down the stairs, but figured it would just get me in trouble. And knowing my luck, she'd walk away from the whole damn thing unscathed. Or she'd pretend to get hurt so badly that medical attention was required. Then her parents, who were probably just as snotty as she was, would get involved and try to sue the Cullens. All because of me. So I swallowed my comment and my fit of violent rage and pushed my way into Doc. Cullen's office.

"You rang?" I jokingly hobbled toward his desk, ala the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Carlisle chuckled, probably humoring me, and I straightened up. "I did." He complied and gestured at my favorite chair in his entire office. Seriously, I loved that piece of furniture. I was still trying to convince him that the overstuffed leather chair would look so much better in my room.

So far, he wasn't biting.

"So what's up?" I sighed and plopped down, spraying one leg over the wide arm and laid my head back against the high chair back. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

The smile on my guardian's face was patient as he settled himself into a seat beside me and turned to face me. "Your senior year's about halfway over and I was wondering if you'd given any thought to college."

Crap. The future talk. I _so_ wasn't ready for this!

Gulping in surprise, I just shrugged and straightened up in my own seat. Complete with sitting in it like any sane human being would. "I...haven't thought about college at all, actually. I never really planned on going. Even before the fire happened."

A weird sound came from the back of Carlisle's throat as he shook his head slowly. "Is it because of money?"

"Yeah." I muttered and pushed a shoulder up toward my chin. "And because I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I just figured I'd get some kind of desk job then go from there." Planning for the future hadn't been too big in the Carter household. Not when the leader of the house liked to remind his followers that they were more than useless.

"What is something you'd enjoy doing?" He asked, obviously doing his best to change my way of thinking.

It was for that reason that I decided to just humor him. He was only looking out for me, after all. He saw me as one of his kids and I didn't need three guesses to know that he wouldn't be too keen on me skipping the college route while the rest of his children went.

So I fell silent and bit down on my lower lip, trying to figure out what it was I _would_ want to do with the rest of my life. The answer that came was so sudden that I was momentarily knocked speechless and silent.

"Baylee?" Carlisle asked carefully, even putting a hand on my knee. That brought me out of my stunned little reviere and also caused me to look guiltily up at him. "What did you think of?"

"I'm not even sure I can." I rushed out and pushed up out of the chair. Spinning quickly, I'd made it to the ceiling-to-floor window and was looking out at the backyard before I was aware that Carlisle had followed me.

"Talk to me." Carlisle asked, soothingly. He definitely wasn't pulling out any stops here, that was for sure! This, me figuring out my future, obviously meant more to him than the sheer fact it would get me out of his house.

My shoulders slumped automatically and I slowly turned back around to face him. "Carlisle, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Really, I promise I do. But the way I was raised...? I wasn't taught to dream about things. I learned very early on that it didn't matter how badly I wanted something, it was a pretty safe bet I wouldn't get it either way."

That same sound from before trickled past Carlisle's lips and I was finally able to tell what it was. A hiss cut off almost before it was too late. None of the Cullens made their thoughts of my stepfather a secret. They hated the man, I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that one.

"Just tell me what you thought of." He replied, forever patient as he placed both hands on my shoulders and held me in place. "There is nothing in this world you can't do now, Baylee. And it's time you start believing in that. You've survived the greatest tragedy of your life and you're so much stronger now than you were when you first came to live with us. Why, I hardly see the girl you were before."

A lump began to form instantly in my throat. While he believed that I could do or have anything in the world that I wanted, I wasn't so inclined to agree. Especially when a single name popped into my head before promptly being banished.

But the words formed on the tip of my tongue anyway, just aching to be spoken. Oh well, might as well get the laughing and taunts out of the way now.

"I'd want to help burn victims." I muttered and looked away shyly. I couldn't stand to look into his eyes as he told me that was something I _couldn't_ do. I didn't want to see his expression change as he took back his words.

"Really?" I looked up in bewilderment when I heard the change in Carlisle's voice. No malice, no patronizing amusement. He seemed genuinely interested and surprised by my answer. "How would you want to help burn victims? What about nursing?"

That was some pretty serious food for thought. It wasn't a half bad idea either. I'd always had some kind of interest in nursing before, I'd just never told anyone. And since the fire, that was something I'd thought more and more about. I hadn't gone through the fire for nothing, I didn't believe in chance happenings. I'd never admit that aloud, but it was the truth.

So why couldn't I indulge myself and think that maybe, _possibly_, I could turn my struggles around and use them to help someone else out? Not all stories were exactly the same, but the pain was still there. The fears and the uncertainties.

When I looked up again, finally released from the rampage of thoughts Carlisle had unleashed into my mind, I found him smiling down at me.

"I'll start checking into a few things for you." His grin got a little bigger as he pulled me into his arms and gave me a tight hug. I patted his back awkwardly, still confused by our conversation and nearly fell over in even more surprise when he let me go long enough to kiss my forehead.

The conversation was pretty much over from there. I'd given Carlisle a new project to work on, something to research so he'd have information for me just as soon as possible. That left me free to do whatever I wanted. So I wandered downstairs, smiling when I saw Rosalie beating Emmett's ass in his new video game as I passed the living room.

Stopping in the kitchen, I had to laugh at the sight that greeted me. Alice had flour in her hair and Esme was nearly doubled over in silent laughter. Edward and Bella had seemed to cancel their plans for a movie because Edward's hands were coated in flour and he was grinning devilishly at our tiny sister. Alice on the other hand....

Well, if looks could kill Bella would have to find herself a new boyfriend!

"Do I wanna know what I just walked in on?" I joked as I cautiously approached the island, the crime scene as it were.

"I was just trying to help!" Edward chirped, his smile turning innocent before my very eyes as he held his hands up in defence. Noticing something out of the corner of my eye, I immediately started backing away when Alice was suddenly closer to me than before.

"Don't you dare!" I warned, pointing at her as sternly as I could. I'd just barely got the words out though when Edward suddenly came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"Oh Baylee!" He crooned and put both hands on the front of my very new, very _black_ tee shirt. I gaped and started to wiggle away, but only succeeded in laughing more when Alice came up and launched her attack from the front. Esme and Bella roared in laughter then and I soon joined them, my voice somehow rising in pitch because I was also squealing for my siblings to let me go.

How in the hell had I walked in on this and ended up a target?! I really couldn't understand it, especially considering the fact that Emmett was in the living room. Not right in the thick of things, egging everyone on.

I somehow disentangled myself from Edward's considerably taller frame and growled menacingly at Alice when she took another step toward me. "Do it again and you're getting a rather unattractive haircut that no magic can fix, Pixie." I warned.

She laughed and bounced away, smiling innocently at Esme as she passed. I rolled my eyes and huffed in annoyance. But it was all for show. I loved moments like this, being able to just be normal and joke around with my family.

The moment was short-lived though when Miranda waltzed into the room then stopped and frowned at us all.

I had to admit it, it was tempting. _So_ damn tempting to stick my own hands into the large bowl of flour right in front of me and let her have it. But Bella seemed to have an idea similar to mine. She somehow wedged herself between me and the counter, winked then grabbed the large white bowl.

"I'll just go throw this out for you, Esme." She said, her voice ringing with innocence and her smile pure. Edward caught my eye then and we exchanged a glance. No one could fake the innocent routine quite like Bella Swan.

Two things happened simultaniously. I grinned openly at Edward just as Bella conviently tripped and sent the bowl flying. Flour rained through the air and I looked over just in time to see the bowl's contents come down on Miranda. The fluffy powder made her blonde hair white and the supposedly stylish little dress she'd put on that morning was, for lack of a better word, ruined.

She shrieked as the bowl bounced off her bare shoulder and immediately brought her hands up to wipe her face.

"I'm so sorry!" Bella rushed out, grabbing a dish towel and handed it over. The rag my best friend had grabbed wasn't exactly clean either and Miranda realized that just as she ran it down her face. The runny yellow substance that had coated the white folds caked her face and clung instantly to the white substance on her face.

I couldn't help it. Right as she started to shriek again, this time with egg yolk on her face, I lost it. I nearly fell over, I was laughing so hard and would have if Edward hadn't grabbed me in time. But he seemed to realize that something was transpiring between Bella and Miranda. I regained my balance just in time for him to lunge at Bella. She was pulled out of the way before the once-airborn bowl could hit her.

I lost it all over again, only this time I was livid. It'd just been a joke. Okay it was a pretty mean joke, but Jasper should have warned the walking and talking Barbie doll what we did in our spare time. Because of the holidays, our escapades were a little accelerated. But still!

"What the hell?!" I shouted and snatched the bowl off the floor. It scraped against the linoleum as I straightened up and shoved it into her face, keeping only half an inch between the white plastic rim and her disgusting face. "That was completely uncalled for! It was a damn joke, don't you know what that means?!"

"She knew exactly what she was doing!" Miranda threw back, visibly fuming in front of me.

"So that gives you the right to throw a bowl at her face?!" I hissed and leaned back a little in surprised anger. "It's flour for crying out loud. The crap will wash off in the shower! What would you have done if you'd actually _hit_ Bella? You could've broken her nose you stupid bitch!"

"Enough!" Esme's voice effectively cut off any further argument from Jasper's girlfriend. She appeared between us and put a restraining hand on my shoulder. "Things have gotten wildly out of control." She sounded scary calm as she addressed the both of us, but I had a feeling I was going to get yelled at later for getting up in our guest's face.

Too bad she couldn't be as courteous to the family as the family, minus me of course, was being to her.

"Miranda," Esme started and shifted her eyes onto the tall blonde in front of me. She only had about an inch or so on Rosalie's height but I didn't care. I'd been able to knock my fair-haired sister down before. And Rosalie was much more physical than this chick was!

"Miranda." She spoke again, her voice taking on a hint of steel that caused the girl to stop trying to stare me down and acknowledge her. "I will not allow you to come into my house and be violent to my son's girlfriend. Bella happens to be a very clumsy young lady. And Jasper surely told you how his siblings like to play around and get each other dirty. There's no excuse for your behavior toward Bella. You have been nothing but disrespectful since you walked through the front door of my house. I've tolerated it because you're dating my son, and I want him to be happy. He's decided that you make him happy and for that reason alone, I've held my tongue about your behavior. But this is _my_ house and I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting another person in this house. If you continue to act as you have, I will not allow you into my house again."

"_My_ behavior?!" Miranda spit out and I immediately wanted to slap her. Hard enough to clean all that flour off her evil face. "I'm the one covered in flour and you're talking about _my_ behavior? I was just coming in for a glass of water."

"Fair game." I chirped and shrugged my shoulders casually, still staring at the visibly upset blonde. "Too bad you weren't adequetely warned."

"This isn't over." She threatened and even jabbed me in the chest with her finger. I stumbled back, mostly due to surprise, but regained my balance pretty quickly.

"If you ever wanna throw a bowl at my best friend's head again, you better make sure no one's around to stop me from stomping your ass into the ground." I threatened, my voice so dangerously quiet that I was almost growling at the girl!

Taking a step back, I blew out a low breath then tilted my head toward the ceiling. "Jasper! You better come get your girl. She just broke a nail and is freaking out."

Turning on my heel, I didn't spare her another look as I walked over to Bella to see how she was. She was staring angrily at Jasper's girlfriend just as he entered the kitchen. I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't like hearing me address him. But as soon as he saw what kind of state the kitchen, his girlfriend, and mother were in; he promptly forgot all about me.

Which was just fine by me! Too bad I couldn't really ignore him. Once I was sure that Bella was absolutely fine and being taken care of by Edward, I turned again and looked at Jasper. "Wow, if I'd known what kind of standards you have when it comes to girlfriends, I never would've wasted your time."

I relished in the shock that crossed his features as I pushed past him and headed for my bedroom.

Last Christmas, I'd been watching my parents fight. This Christmas, _I_ was the one about ready to fight someone.

Never would have seen that one coming!


	10. Burnin' Bridges

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Yet another unexpected turn in the story! I'd say more but, well, it's just much more fun to read for yourselves. Thanks so much for the reviews, the love, and the people who come back for each and every chapter I churn out. Y'all are more than appreciated._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking responsibility for original characters._

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**CHAPTER SONG: BURNIN' BRIDGES - JESSIE JAMES**

_"You've showed me so many things, but the best would be never ever roll over. Stand up for what I believe and eventually everyone will come back around. I ain't burnin' bridges, I'm trying to mend them. I apologize if I ever hurt your feelings. Got my own convictions and I've got to live them. I ain't burnin' bridges, that ain't my intentions. Always three sides to every story. There's yours and there's mine but we've been ignoring the truth it hides behind a clear disguise."_

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**Chapter Ten:**

There were only two days left of Christmas vacation and I was officially bored. For the first time in a very long time, I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself.

Everyone had gone out for a final hurrah before we all went our seperate ways again. Rosalie and Emmett had flights scheduled for the coming morning. They had to get back quickly if they wanted to be settled in time for their classes to resume. Jasper and his his girlfriend weren't leaving until the very last day of break, much to my distress.

Trying not to think about either of them, I sighed and tossed the remote I'd unconsciously picked up a few seconds ago back onto the intable beside the couch. I didn't want to watch TV. I didn't want to really do anything. After I came home from work, I just took a shower and changed clothes. That was as far as my thought process went.

As I slowly wandered through the first floor of the house, I remembered a book Carlisle had mentioned earlier in the day and decided to go upstairs and try to find it. He didn't really mind us going into his office, as long as we had an actual reason for being in there.

I liked to think borrowing a book he wanted me to read constituted as a viable reason. So I silently climbed the stairs and turned to the right once I was on the second floor landing. The doc's office door was shut, but not locked. No one was supposed to be in the room while he was gone, but he hadn't started actually _locking_ up until Miranda appeared at Jasper's side. Not like I could really blame him.

I couldn't help staring at _his_ door on my way to Carlisle's office. I had expected to find that door closed too, signaling his absence from the house. But it wasn't. The door was wide open and light spilled out into the otherwise darkened hallway.

Moving closer, I discreetly peeked my head inside and frowned instantly at what I saw. Jasper was alone in his room, staring dejectedly at something in his hands. I couldn't tell what it was from where I stood, but the curiosity was burning too brightly within my head for me to ignore.

Just as I reached the doorway, I overextended my knee and smacked it into the wood doorframe. I swore under my breath and flicked the offending object with my middle finger then froze in shock when Jasper looked up and suddenly met my eyes.

"Sorry." I muttered and started to back away from his open entryway. "I was just going to Carlisle's office for a book. I didn't know you stayed behind."

He nodded and looked back down at the object in his hands. "I just needed a break."

"Oh." I muttered and nodded, feeling rather dumb as I did so. Gesturing behind me, I braced my free hand on the doorway and slid my bare toes back against the carpet. "I'll...leave you alone then."

He didn't move a muscle or say anything until I turned and was almost out of his eyesight. But when he did speak, his choice of words caused my entire body to lock down.

"Do you remember the last night we spent together?"

Of course I remembered. Instantly, tears welled up in my eyes as that long-ago conversation flowed through my head. The night he'd told me that he couldn't wait any longer. I was frustrating him with my inability to open up and he just couldn't do anymore. He'd given up on me, just like I'd figured he would.

"We fought about some pretty stupid stuff." He laughed bitterly and turned his head sideways as I slowly walked into the room. "But I think that last fight was probably our dumbest to date."

"It didn't feel dumb to me at the time." I muttered and instinctively wrapped my arms across my chest. It felt weird to be in his room after such a long time. I glanced around and noticed a few of things I assumed to be Miranda's. Her clothes littered the floor in one corner, her cosmetics strewn out atop his dresser. It all made my stomach want to lurch violently, especially when I saw the indention I assumed to be Miranda's head on the pillow I always used when I slept in here.

"I know it didn't." He sighed and tossed whatever he'd been staring at when I found him, aside. He didn't look at me as he stood and turned his back to me, eyes on the object now laying on his bed. "I tried so hard to keep you with me. It never once occured to me that you wanted to be anywhere _but_ where I was trying to keep you."

"Jasper." I sighed, feeling my heart break in my chest as I moved to the foot of his bed. There were so many memories of this room that I was momentarily speechless. So much had happened within these four walls, memories that I couldn't escape from now that I was here. "I wanted to be with you, I wanted it so badly that I thought of nothing else for a long time. I can't count how many nights I stayed awake, just..._dreaming_ about what it would be like. But I didn't know how to let you _stay_ where you were. My mind couldn't fathom why you wanted me."

"And now?" He asked and I looked up involuntarily at the sound of his voice. It carried the hint of something I hadn't heard in so long. It almost sounded as if he was..._hopeful_. Like he wanted me to have a specific answer to offer.

"What do you mean?" I asked, shifting uncertainly as he slowly moved closer to me, his hands hanging limply at his sides. Glancing around the room again, my shoulders tensed a little as my eyes met his again. "Jasper, where's Miranda? Why didn't you go with her and the others?"

"She went off on her own." He replied with a shrug of his shoulders. Suddenly, I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing. He had to care where his girlfriend had wandered off to. Granted, Forks wasn't large by any means and she didn't have anything to fear. But still! How could he sound so casual when discussing his girlfriend's whereabouts?

"And you needed a break." I repeated, using his words from earlier as he came to a stop beside me. I had no idea why I automatically assumed that Miranda had gone off with the others, or that he had been so willing to sacrifice her to people who didn't really like her all that much.

"You didn't answer my question." He muttered and shifted his weight from one foot to another, his eyes still on the checkered bedspread.

Swallowing thickly, I leaned my head back to look up at the ceiling. A ceiling I'd stared at so many dozen times before. But I'd never had to battle my thoughts or emotions the way I was now. This was my childhood best friend, suddenly wanting to have a deep and meaningful conversation with me. But he was no longer my best friend. He was someone's boyfriend. He belonged to someone who wasn't, and never could be me.

"It doesn't matter." I muttered thickly and turned suddenly to go. Jasper caught me though, his fingers easily forming a manacle around my wrist as he turned me back to face him. I gasped in surprise when my back suddenly collided with the wood of his open door.

"Yes it does!" His voice was so quiet, but filled with such conviction that I was momentarily stunned. I didn't know what to do, or how to react. What could I possibly say? What answer could I give that would satisfy his sudden thirst for revisiting the past?

"Why?!" I sputtered without warning, my body tensing against his as I prepared to jerk my wrist from his grasp. Idly, a dim part of my mind registered which arm he was holding when his fingers brushed over the last scar I'd inflicted on my own body. The night I'd tried to kill myself, only to be thwarfed by the guy standing in front of me. "Why does it matter _now_? Why, after so much time has passed? You moved on, Jasper. You've got a girlfriend and a whole new life in Seattle now. One that doesn't involve me. So why do you need these answers _now_? Why are you asking these questions at this point in time?"

"Because I want to know." He responded, his voice still thick with the emotions I'd heard a second ago. "I can't let it go, Baylee. I've tried, God knows I have. But I can't get past it, I can't wrap my head around what happened to us. So I moved on. I tried to block it out and convince myself that it wasn't important. That I needed to stop fixating on it and spending so much time trying to unravel the demise of what we had. Of what we _could_ have had if...."

"If I hadn't been so stubborn." I finished his sentence quietly, without any infection. "I'm the reason we didn't work, Jasper." I sighed, letting my barriers down to the point where I felt completely naked standing in front of him. We'd been physically naked before, yeah. There were at least two other times when I had stood before him, with no clothes to hide my body from his eyes. But that was a cakewalk, nothing compared to the onslight of emotions I now felt. All because he had decided to dredge up the past and unleash it on me.

"I remember that night." I replied, my voice still soft after a few beats of silence. "I was afraid to let you in because I was afraid of you hurting me. I was just a scared little kid, dealing with things that my mind and heart just couldn't contend with. I wasn't strong enough this summer to let you in, to give you what you wanted. I wasn't strong enough to build a relationship with you, even though that's the one thing I've wanted since we were kids. I've never wanted someone the way I wanted you. That never changed or dwindled with time."

"Then why couldn't you just _trust me_?!" The feeling in his voice was stronger now than ever. "Why couldn't you just trust me when I told you that I wasn't going to hurt you? Why was that so hard for you to believe?"

"Look at me." I whispered then looked down in surprise when he let go of me and took a shaky step back. "Look at how I grew up, Jasper. Even the best intentions can turn into something earth-shattering. I didn't want to put you into that category, I didn't want to lose what we had. But look where we are now! I lost it anyway. We're never going to be able to be what we were, too much has happened. So why dwell on the past? Why agonize over something that's never going to be recaptured the same way again? Jasper, we can't go back."

"You're right." He sighed and looked down at his bare feet. I realized then how he was dressed; jeans with the waistband of his boxers peeking out above the denim and nothing else. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice his state of undress, or how my body was only marignally more adorned than his was. Suddenly the simple tank top and pajama pants I wore didn't conceal me the way I wanted them to. "We can't go back."

I nodded at his words, feeling a weird sense of numbness beginning to spread through my body. But when I looked up and saw the expression marring his features, my heart began to thump violently against my ribcage. I didn't know what to draw from that look, I had no idea what he was thinking or what he was wanting to happen next. Taking an uncertain step toward the door, I was stopped yet again.

Only this time, instead of grabbing my wrist, he lightly placed a hand on my hip. I stopped in surprise and looked up at him, my face naked and vulnerable to him.

"If we can't go back," He whispered and I winced at how thick and strained his voice sounded. "If we can't go back, then why is it that the only thing I can think to do is kiss you?"

My heart began to hammer even more violently within my body, but I couldn't will my frame to make the necessary movements that would remove me from his room. This was a dangerous subject we were encroaching on, it felt like my toes were on an invisible line that would be more than difficult to cross back over once all of this was said and done.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I whispered, feeling more than heartbroken as I watched the changes of his mood.

"I've wanted to do that since the moment I walked back into this house. It hit me so suddenly, when I saw you the first time after months of nothing. It hurt to hear the family talk about you, all the accomplishments and strides you've made since the beginning of the school year. And I wasn't part of that, I had nothing to do with the growths changing you into what you are now. I wasn't here, getting to see it all for myself. I didn't know how I would feel when I saw you again, knowing that we were going to have to interact because of the holiday. But I never, I _never_ thought that I would be swept right back into the flurry of emotions I've carried since the moment I walked into your hospital room in Seattle. I even went back and revisited the hospital you were sent to, just so I could get some sort of perspective. I thought that, by having Miranda here and with me, I wouldn't feel the temptation I feared was waiting for me here."

"Is that why you've been so angry with me?" I muttered and nearly gasped aloud in shock when my mind made the connections I couldn't before now. It all suddenly made sense; his unwillingness to be alone with me, the fierce determination in his eyes not to meet my gaze. He was protecting himself the only way he knew how, by either being downright mean to me, or pretending I didn't exist at all. All so that he could stay safely in the bubble he'd encased himself in. The bubble that was his relationship with his classmate.

I felt him move before my mind registered the changes. I couldn't think, I couldn't even act when Jasper suddenly grabbed me and pulled my body flush against his. The only sound that passed my lips was a squeak of surprise just half a second before his mouth crashed violently onto mine. His arm felt like iron being wound around the small of my back, holding me defenseless against him.

The logical part of my brain told me to fight. This was wrong, we weren't supposed to be having this kind of moment. Even though there was no one else in the house, there was no telling when the others would start trickling in. Miranda wasn't with the rest of our family, so her return was even more unpredictable.

Even with all of that swirling through my head, I couldn't fight Jasper when he pulled me further into his room. I was dimly aware of the sound his door made when he slammed it into the frame then pressed me against it. I couldn't move, held securely between a slab of wood and his chest.

This was wrong. That was the only thing vibrating powerfully through my mind, but yet I found myself kissing him back, pressing my body painfully close to his. There was no distance between us, but yet I wanted to be closer. I wanted our bodies as close as humanly possible right then, the fire-like heat swirling through my body almost too painful to bear.

But I couldn't turn my thoughts off. I couldn't forget how far we'd come for this point to make any semblence of sense. _This wasn't right_. He didn't belong to me, he wasn't my boyfriend. I couldn't kiss him or make out with him any time I wanted. My body wasn't free to cave into his and do the one thing I'd fought against for almost a year.

The thing that surprised me the most, as Jasper's hands began to roam hungrily over the boundaries of cloth holding my breasts and sides hostage, wasn't his girlfriend. My new series of thoughts had nothing to do with our family, or the damage he was doing to his relationship. A dim part of my mind could have cared less what kind of hurt I inflicted on the tall blonde calling herself Jasper Hale's girlfriend.

No, none of that made me suddenly start to struggle against the powerful hold Jasper held me captive in. I could've cared less about all of that right then. I was getting what my body and heart had craved for years.

The one thought now slamming mercilessly around in my head was a simple word. One connotation that held so much more behind it. As I stood trapped against his bedroom door, with his tongue dueling mine mercilessly for room in my own mouth, I suddenly found myself thinking about a person I didn't want to think about. The same person I'd been fighting for little over a week now.

Damon Spencer was the one that inevitably made me push Jasper away. His breathing was labored, eyes wide and filled with unrequited desire as he stumbled back to look up at me.

"No." I whispered, the simple word feeling like lead being expelled from my mouth. It was all I could think to say right then, with my own chest heaving for needed oxygen. "We _can't,_ Jasper."

"Why not?" He whispered, sounding almost angry as he stepped up to me again. I pushed his arm away when he tried to wind it back around my waist. I didn't know what to tell him, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

But couldn't he see that this was hurting _me_? What good was it going to do, to follow through with all of this, to have sex in Jasper's bedroom when he was only going to go back to his girlfriend in the morning. I knew he would, and I knew how he would feel with the coming dawn.

He would hate himself for giving in and being with me the way he was supposed to be with his girlfriend. And I would hate myself. I'd never liked people who cheated on others. I didn't understand the whole concept. Why should two people be together when one wanted the gratification of another's body? Wasn't it just simpler to break up and go seperate ways in hopes of finding that happiness that wasn't in the original relationship? Granted, I didn't have very many romantic entanglements to my own name, but I wasn't about to wreck someone else's relationship. No matter how much I detested it, or thought the two involved were bad fits for each other.

Finally catching my breath, I used one hand to rake hair off my forehead while the other stayed in front of my body as a silent guard against any further advancement Jasper tried to make. It hurt to refuse him, to not let myself give in the way I would have in any other instance. But too much had changed. Too much time had passed, and there was someone else to consider in all this. As much as I detested the girl, I didn't want to hurt her in ways similar to my own sources of pain.

Instead of mentioning his girlfriend, instead of reminding him that I wasn't the person he'd chosen to start something with, I went for the most painful thing I could ever say to him. The most painful thing I could ever select to pass my own lips.

"Because you didn't want me."


	11. White Liar

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ So sorry for lack of updates. Writer's Block and all that fun mess. Thanks for reading and sticking with me! Hi to all the new readers as well! Anyway, another chapter for your enjoyment._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking credit for original characters._

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**CHAPTER SONG: WHITE LIAR - MIRANDA LAMBERT**

_"Hey white liar, the truth comes out a little at a time. And it spreads just like a fire, slips off of your tongue like turpentine. And I don't know why, white liar. Here's a bombshell just for you, turns out I've been lying too. Yeah I'm a white liar, the truth comes out a little at a time. And it spreads just like a fire, slips off of my tongue like turpentine and I don't know why."_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven:**

"You don't look so good."

My first instinct was to whirl around and smack the hell out of whoever had just interrupted me. I just didn't really want to think about the fact that not only had I been interrupted, but I'd been insulted on top of it.

Glaring, I slowly turned to face the source of my irritation, but gasped in surprise. I must have been pretty lost in my own head to not have recognized the cocky little undertone to that simple sentence.

Damon Spencer was smiling with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket as he watched me slowly rise to my full height. He'd caught me in, of all places, the grocery store. I was starting to notice a trend here!

"You seriously gotta stop sneaking up on people." I muttered, shooting him the dirtiest look I could muster up before my eyes fell to the basket hanging off my arm. Esme had been needing to go to the store for a couple of days now, but hadn't been able to find time. Of course, I'd offered to go for her and was thankful that the list she shoved into my hand wasn't absurdly long.

"Why?" He asked and I looked up to find a weird glint in his eyes. A glint that didn't really sit all that well in my stomach. "It's so much fun to catch you off-guard. I don't think I've met a girl that gets so consumed in her thoughts that she forgets about the world around her."

I couldn't help rolling my eyes as I turned on my heel to start walking down the isle. Damon, of course, followed. It still unnerved me how casual he was about every-day movements, as if he knew the power his muscles could produce but had no inkling to tap into that. I feared the day when I actually saw some sort of purpose in his body.

"Why're you deciding to harrass me again?" I huffed out, hating that my eyes kept cutting over my shoulder to glance at him.

He was right there, coming up beside me when I stopped then turned to finally face him. "I don't see it as harrassing you."

"Oh really?" I feigned interest as I locked my arms carefully across my chest and stared up at him. "Then what do you call it? Cause, call me crazy, I view it as harrassment."

He sighed. That was the one reaction from Damon Spencer that I _hadn't_ been expecting. "Baylee," He frowned and gestured at the basket on my arm. "Do you think your shopping can wait? I'd like to talk to you somewhere a little more private. I may be new to town, but I know how small towns work. I don't really want our conversation to be people's focal point until something more interesting happens."

In spite of myself, I felt the rough plastic handles lifing from my arm. I held up one finger and put away the few items I'd managed to grab then set the basket down before turning to rejoin him. I honestly had no idea why I was doing this, especially after all the time and energy I'd exerted to keep him away from him.

But that just wasn't going to happen. I could tell by the look in Damon's eye as he watched me slowly advance on him. Once I reached him, I waved ahead of me and tilted my head expectantly. "Lead the way. But I'm not leaving this parking lot with you."

"Fair enough." He gave me a lopsided little smirk, one that made my heart skip a beat or two, or ten and turned on the heel of his worn black boot and started out of the grocery store. I had no choice but to follow him, since I'd already agreed to going somewhere more private to talk.

I was anxiously curious to hear his response to the question I'd unknowingly posed. I needed to know why he kept showing up, why I was the target of his time and attention. My feet hit pavement all too soon and before I was really aware of it, the passenger door of Damon's Ferrari was open and his hand swept in toward the seat as a silent invitation.

I climbed in and took a deep breath as he walked around the car then folded himself in behind the wheel. Silence clung to the rich leather underneath me then, neither of us seeming all that ready or eager to start talking. But the silence was filled with tension, thick and a little awkward. I just had no idea how to break the little spell that seemed to fall over the car the moment we climbed in.

Sighing, I leaned my head back against the seat then turned to look at Damon. He appeared perfectly calm and at ease, even though I felt about ready to jump out of my skin.

"Okay." I sighed, finally having had enough of the silent stares. "What is it that you just could not tell me in the store? What kind of answer do you have for me now?"

Damon sighed and bodily shifted to stare at me. I hadn't been expecting that and guessed the expression on my face conveyed that. He chuckled almost silently then dipped his head. I shifted self-consciously but froze when his ice blue eyes met mine. "I want to spend time with you, Baylee. I'm sick of chance encounters and wondering if today'll be the day I'm finally in the same place as you. I'm already out of high school so once classes reconviene, I'll have even fewer chances to see you. But my brother won't and do you really want me to bully him into gathering information about you? Besides, I'd rather you just tell me yourself. I want to get to know you and I'm not taking no for an answer anymore."

There it was. The _one_ answer I'd been hoping not to hear pass his lips. "Damon," I sighed and turned to reach for the door handle. I saw a brief flash of movement through the corner of my eye and jumped when the power lock slammed down. Effectively making my escape a little tougher to accomplish.

"Give me one good reason." He breathed and I whirled back around to suddenly find him leaning over the console between the seats. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be interested in you. Why are you so against the idea of us dating?"

"Really?" I asked, unable to help myself as I shifted in the seat again to face him. He backed away a little, his face expectant. So I did the only thing I could think to do, the one sure-fire way that would keep someone like Damon Spencer from darkening my doorstep ever again.

I was wearing a zip-up hoodie beneath the jacket Esme had bought me for Christmas. She claimed it was now too cold for me to just rely on my beloved hoodies. And she'd been right. Thanks to the damage to my skin, and the northern temperatures that I wasn't used to, I had to reconsider my wardrobe choices. Yanking the zipper down, I pushed the jacket and sweater off one shoulder to expose my tank top and bra strap underneath.

There, in the last rays of a surprisingly sunny day in Forks, was my charred skin. The sun bounced off it just enough to give Damon no doubt as to what he was seeing.

"_That's_ why I'll never date you." I replied and quickly yanked my clothes back on. The zipper was pulled up to my collarbone and the latch on the door popped before I was even aware of where my movements were carrying me. "No guy like you is ever going to look at me and _not_ see me for what I really am. A disfigured freak that doesn't have time for people who want nothing more than to remind her of that fact. As if I even _need_ one!"

I didn't give Damon a chance to respond. Hell I didn't even give him a chance to _think_ of a response before I was out of the car and headed back into the store. No matter how mad I was, or how desperate I was to get away from Damon and safely inside the four walls of my bedroom, I had made Esme a promise.

I didn't think about my task as I rounded up the items on my female guardian's list. I barely blinked when I swiped the card and accepted my reciept. All I was conscious of was my car coming into view. I could still see the sleek body of Damon's Ferrari parked where it'd been. But now the door was closed and the figure inside didn't move.

As much as I wanted to go over and see if he was okay, I didn't. I had no more courage left in my body. I felt weak, so hideously tired that I shoved the bags into the passenger seat of my car then climbed into the driver's seat.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I noticed something through the rearview mirror. The figure that had been so stoic in his car while I walked past, the unmoving shadow that I kept an eye on as I shoved myself into my own car finally emerged and leaned against the back fender. His eyes were on my taillights as I merged into traffic. As soon as it was safe, I slammed my foot on the pedal and listened to the intoxicating roar of my engine as it sprang to life, pulling me closer to home with every passing second.

When I parked the car and headed inside, Alice immediately decended on me. I could tell that not having Rosalie arond was already getting to her but I'd at least hoped for a moment to calm down before she launched into the questions I was sure she had ready for me.

"Are you okay?" She rushed out, not caring that I was standing at the island, handing Esme all the things I'd bought at the grocery store. She knew where they went, I didn't. Plus she viewed this as her method of payment for me going out to actually get said items.

"Fine." I muttered in a clipped tone then gave her a very pointed look. That shut her up almost immediately. But as soon as Esme released me from my duties and I was in my room, my tiny sister was right there. Ready to try again.

"Alice, _please_." I begged, already feeling like I was on the verge of crying. Hell, I _knew_ I was. All because of that moment in Damon's car when I'd used my scars to get him to back off. The shock on his face was a clear picture in my mind now, mixing in with the look of shock on Jasper's face when I'd pushed him away from me the night before.

Groaning, I turned and flopped onto my bed, face down. I didn't want to hurt Alice, but I was in no mood for caring and sharing time. I just wanted to be alone, more right then than I had since the moment I walked into this house for the very first time. I didn't want to field questions or talk about what had happened. It was obvious to me now that she'd heard what had transpired between Jasper and me the night before.

I just did not want to deal with it right then. It was too much and I didn't have the strength necessary to face it all. I felt bad for being so short with Alice, but there was really no other way to get her to see that, right then? Talking was the worst possible thing for me.

I heard the door click quietly behind my tiny sister when she left, but made no move to look up and see if she had _actually_ left. There wasn't any sound in the room and that was enough for me in that moment. Later, or possibly tomorrow, I would figure out some kind of way to make it up to her.

I might even subject myself to a shopping trip and let her bleed me dry for information about Jasper. And Damon. Hell, I'd answer any question she wanted thanks to the guilt swirling around in my belly, causing me to feel nauseated. I'd never forced her out of my room before, but I could only assume there was a first time for everything.

But how was I going to tell her about everything she'd obviously wanted to talk about? I couldn't even wrap my head around everything. Making out with Jasper in his room, effectively helping him cheat on his girlfriend. Even though I didn't like her, I still didn't want to ruin their relationship. How would I feel if I'd been put in her position?

I doubted I'd ever be able to be so forgiving if I was the one being cheated on, instead of the one doing the cheating. But as long as it didn't happen again, then my conscious could deal with this little infraction. It felt weird and somehow wrong to think that, but I'd never been able to force myself to feel anything other than what I already was. I didn't like this girl, she'd never been kind of respectful to me. And we had history together, Jasper and I. Could I really just turn that off because he was with someone else but thinking about me?

As I lay there, going over the kiss in my mind, I couldn't help thinking about Damon and the glimpse of my body that I'd given him. No doubt, I'd never see him again. I'd see his little brother when school started up again, sure. But that was the extent I would probably ever have with the Spencer family if they didn't become frequent visitors of the Lodge.

So maybe I was worrying about Damon for nothing. I hated that I'd let him get so under my skin that I couldn't stop thinking about him. Or all the things I'd wanted to happen. I was still having dreams about him, about the sexy tousle of dark hair, the perfectly flawed line of lips that I'd wanted to kiss so badly but never allowed myself to entertain. And then there was his body! A body that I'd wondered about more often than I cared to admit. What did he look like without his shirt on? Was the line of muscles that were always rippling beneath the fabric of his dark shirts really as impressive as I'd once hoped they would be? Or would the idea of Damon never live up to the person actually walking around in his body?

And why was I thinking about this?! When had my life become so complicated that I was comparing notes between two completely different individuals. Jasper had been my best friend, the boy I grew up trusting. The boy I'd always wanted to be with, even after he disappeared. When we came back into each other's lives, I thought it was fate. That the Gods were somehow giving us a second chance to have what we'd been denied before we even realized or were ready to have it. But then the summer had happened and my insecurities tore us apart. Damon entered the picture soon after and had affected me in ways I didn't know he could.

I'd never had this kind of issue before. Guys had wanted to get closer to me, sure. But that was only for one reason and one reason only. But maybe Damon was one of those guys, into girls only for the physical gratification that happened between two bodies when enough barriers were let down. Could I really ever entertain the idea of losing my virginity to him when I'd hoped for Jasper to be the one? I couldn't even take that step with a boy I used to know inside and out. It seemed crazy now to be having those same thoughts about Damon Spencer. A boy I knew next to nothing about, other than he seemed to have sick facination with cat-and-mouse games.

Groaning into my bedspread, I sighed then turned onto my back. I stared up at the ceiling for a minute, one leg crooked with my heel digging into the mattress while the other lay stretched out. I bit down on my lower lip idly and tilted my head to look down at my stomach as I raised the hem of my shirt to expose the crude line of scars riddling the left side of my body.

I couldn't even stand to look at myself naked. How could I possibly ask a guy to do the same? No matter if it was Jasper Hale or Damon Spencer.


	12. Down

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Wow, okay so there's going to be less Jasper appearances than I originally assumed. And more Damon. Didn't plan on adding him in but he's sort of an adapation from another book I've been reading. Anyway, the song used for this chapter comes highly recommended. I had it on repeat the entire time I was writing this and I really hope you guys enjoy. The song can be found on iTunes and Youtube. I recommend listening to it while reading at least the last half of this chapter. And I apologize in advance, this is probably the longest chapter I've written to date._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I just take credit for the original characters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: DOWN - JASON WALKER**

_"I don't know where I'm at, I'm standing at the back and I'm tired of waiting. Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find What I've been chasing. I shot for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground. So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down. I thought I could fly so why did I drown? I never know why. It's coming down, down, down. Oh I'm going down, down, down. Im not ready to let go. cause then I'll never know, what could be missing, but I'm missing way to much. So when do I give up, what I've been wishing for? I can't find another way around. And I don't want to hear that sound, of losing what I never found."_

* * *

**Chapter Twelve:**

Jasper and Miranda were finally gone. School had started back and Alice still barely talking to me, probably fearing that I'd snap at her again. I had no idea how to approach her long enough to apologize for blowing her off when all she wanted to do was help me work through my own issues.

Though now it didn't really help that she'd set her sights on Draven Spencer and wasn't going to be deterred. I'd been right in at least one respect. She'd taken one look at the younger Spencer and instantly wanted to get to know him better.

So much better that she'd actually invited him over to study and hang out. He'd accepted, grudgingly or not I wasn't sure, but he agreed to come home with us. Along with Bella, who was in pretty much all of Edward's classes this year. The Cullens had some crazy weird pull when one let themselves think about it.

Last class of the day ended and I headed out to the parking lot. My movements were almost mechanical and I didn't say anything when Alice, Edward, and Bella joined us near the trunk of my car. "Is Draven riding with us?" I asked, leveling my glance at the one Cullen who had started speaking to me only when I spoke to her.

The look on Alice's face made me speechless for a second, as she opened her mouth to say something but stopped abruptly. Instead, she just sighed then threw her arms around my neck. In my bewilderment, I stumbled back a little but regained my footing and threw my arms around her tiny body.

"I'm sorry!" She wailed, causing Edward and Bella to look at us in shock. Apparently they'd had no idea that the tiny brunette and I were even fighting in the first place.

"No worries." I breathed and accidentally laughed into her hair, surprised by her sudden ferocity to end our feuding. She pulled away after a quick squeeze around my midsection and stepped back. "I know that I can be overbaring sometimes and I'm sorry. I should've realized that you aren't always so willing to talk about things. Especially after everything you've been through and...."

"Alice." I broke in, my voice gentle as I held up a hand. From the corner of my eye, I could see Draven approaching and smiled as I nodded my head in his direction. "It's cool. _We_'re cool. And your boy's approaching."

Alice swung around so fast that she very narrowly wiped out. Edward snickered then swore under his breath when Bella smacked him. A traitorous snicker passed my lips but was quickly squelched when Draven stopped in front of us.

"Hey Draven." I smiled and waved a little before shoving both hands into the pocket of my hoodie. "You riding with us or following?"

"Um." He shifted uncertainly and gestured behind him. I glanced over his shoulder and swore mutely when I noticed a very familiar, very sleek black car. "My brother drove me today. Would you guys be willing to maybe study over at my house?"

I wanted to protest. Immediately and stubbornly. The thought of sharing a house with Draven and Damon made my skin want to crawl, though why I wasn't entirely sure. But before I could say anything to turn down his request, Alice piped up with her consent. "Of course! Wherever you want is cool by us."

I groaned inwardly and turned back toward my car. Alice shifted uncertainly, clearly torn about which way she wanted to go as her brother and his girlfriend began to follow me.

"Would you like to ride with me and Damon?" Draven asked, smiling uncertainly at Alice. Biting down on her lower lip, her gaze fell on me instantly with a silent question. She wanted to know what I wanted her to do.

Sighing, I nodded and waved her off. "Go on with Draven. We'll follow behind."

"Promise?" She quipped, smiling conspiritously as if she knew that I'd already entertained the idea of bailing out on the study session planned out.

I immediately wanted to kick her and jokingly stuck my tongue out at her. "I promise. Edward and Bella will even be with me so I can't have a cowardly moment."

Draven snickered then shot me a sheepish look when he met my gaze. Smiling briefly, I waved Alice off again then unlocked the Camaro doors and slid inside. Edward dutifully opened the door and pushed the seat forward so Bella could slide in. He followed suit and settled himself in the passenger seat as I started the engine. I glanced quickly into my rearview mirror and smiled a little at the sight of watching Alice and Draven walk over to Damon's waiting vehicle. His profile was outlined through the drizzle of the day's weather. He wasn't perfectly clear, as he would've been if the sun was out and shining. But I couldn't help wondering if I'd be able to pick his outline out anywhere, no matter what the conditions were like.

The drive to the Spencers' house was a silent one, only the stereo playing a new mix CD to break up the silence that threatened to consume us all. I wasn't sure if my passengers could tell, but I had a sinking suspicion that they were staying silent out of fear of what my anxiety would cause me to say.

They feared an outburst from me, and probably had from the moment they willingly climbed into my car.

"Guys, I'm cool." I announced just a second before I followed the Ferarri's turn into a well-paved driveway. It was circular, curving around the front of the house in an arch that had probably been meticulously overseen while construction raged on within the house it was granting access to. Wide white pillars greeted us as my car slid to a stop behind the car in front of me. I'd have to back up a little and angle around Damon's car when I left the house. But that didn't really bother me right then, I was too focused on the sprawling white house that looked like someone had copied it directly from an old Southern novel.

The porch was wide with lightly glossed wood, the sides disappearing around back to give the hint of a wrap-around porch. The steps were just as wide, spanning the width of the pillars that offered support to the second floor. A balcony stretched out above the front porch and wide dark blue door, a white fence encasing it and displaying a set of double doors right in the middle of the balcony.

Blowing out a low breath, I pulled the key from the ignition and climbed out. Once I had my bag on over my body, I let the driver door slap gently back into the frame and walked around to meet Edward and Bella, who were also gaping openly up at the house. Snickering as I passed Edward and came up on the other side of Alice, Draven to her left, I lightly nudged him. "Dude, you act like you've never seen a nice house before."

"Not one made like this." He whispered back then shook himself out of his obvious stupor. My mind immediately flashed images of Esme smacking the back of his head when she caught him staring openly at the house, as he was now. Bella just shifted uncomfortably on his other side. It had taken her a while to get used to the grandure that was the Cullen house, she was probably going to have to do the same now to the Spencers' restored masterpiece.

"Welcome to our house." Damon grinned, smiling pointedly at me as he stopped on the middle step leading up onto the first floor porch. "I was wondering if you'd actually follow me here."

I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes as I met him on the porch. Everyone else was behind me, making me want to stop and kick each one of them as they passed. "Why does everyone think I'd bail out on this?"

He shrugged unevenly and gently pulled me toward him as his brother and Alice passed behind me. Edward and Bella walked after them and into the house, effectively leading me outside with the one person I'd hoped I _wouldn't_ run into today. For some strange reason, this all felt like a giant trick. Orchestrated by the one person I was trying to set up with my sister. Hmm, okay maybe that match would be easier to create tahn I'd originally thought.

"You run from me more than you actually talk to me." He started, his bright eyes levelly holding mine as he slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Just like almost every other time I'd seen him before, he was dressed in all black. His boots were worn almost perfectly, adding a little danger to his dark jeans and fitted black shirt. "Asking you to follow my brother home so you can study, knowing that I'd probably be here would give anyone reason to believe you wouldn't show."

"Why wouldn't I come over? Draven invited me, and he's clearly interested in my sister. Besides, it's just to study. If I let other people influence my decisions, I'd never leave the house."

Damon frowned and stepped forward suddenly, his eyebrows throwing his eyes into an almost absolute shadow. "We both know it wouldn't be people's influences that kept you from coming over after you said you would. Why don't you just admit the real reasons why you didn't want to come over here?"

Staring at him for a second, I just shook my head and took an uncertain step up onto the next level of stair. "And what reason is that, Damon? Would reason could I _possibly_ have in wanting to stay away from this place? I already told you everything I want to say, so there's no real reason why anything should be keeping me from walking up onto your front porch and going inside to study. With your brother."

Before he could say or do anything else, I turned and jogged across the porch into the house. I didn't let myself glance back over my shoulder at Damon as I stepped inside then soon found myself being led into the vast table that took up a good portion of the Spencers' dining room. It was long and rectangular, framed with chairs that looked more comfortable than if you actually sat in them. A pristine chandelier hung over the center of the dark oak table, the slender bulbs glowing faintly off the glossy surface.

Draven smile timidly at me as he set his bag on the table then slid into a seat at the center of the table. Thanks to all the chairs that had been pushed up underneath the lip of the table, I wasn't entirely sure they used this table for regular dining activities. This entire room didn't really scream repetition. A curio case stood off to one side, holding an entire set of dishes that could pay my way through college if I wanted them to. Other artifacts and old artwork hung on the walls, giving an impossibly sophisticated glare to an already intimidating room.

"Esme would be in heaven." I muttered, mentally shaking my head as I stared at the walls surrounding us. Edward snickered as he came up beside me and sat his bag down. Bella came up on my other side, smiling timidly in a show of strength. All because I'd willingly walked into the enemy's lair.

"She wouldn't know what to do with herself." Alice agreed, practically beaming as she took her seat next to Draven. I just snickered and shook my head, following suit once I'd shooed Bella off onto her boyfriend's other side.

"I love you but sit next to your boyfriend." I challenged, jokingly eyeing her in a silent dare for her to say something. "Besides," I shrugged casually and popped my bag open then tucked the flap underneath the dark tan canvas satchel I carried to and from school every day. "He might start getting wise to the fact that we're cheating on him."

Her dark brown eyes got about as round as quarters as she stared at me across Edward's body. Edward's face almost mirrored his girlfriend's expression while Draven and Alice burst into wild peals of laughter.

"What?" I asked, looking around innocently before a sound in the doorway directly behind me caught my attention. Damon had removed his jacket when he came inside, leaving him in the tight black tee shirt and jeans that looked like they'd been made especially for his body. He strolled casually into the room, hands in his pockets with an easy smile playing on his lips.

"Well, I see now why a lovely girl like you spurned my advances." Damon joked, winking at me as he came to a stop at the head of the table closest to where we'd all camped out.

My first instinct was to roll my eyes, but I bit back the urge and just looked down at the glossy tabletop. It seemed that whenever I started to get comfortable, Damon somehow sensed that and just popped right on up. He kept me on my toes, but not in a way I liked or particularly appreciated. He had too many similiarites with Brandon, and I hated that there was still someone on this planet that made me think of that man. How could I possibly be okay around a guy that seemed to display the same kind of manipulation tactics that had enabled Brandon to keep the ring on my mom's finger.

"Well with guys like you in the world...." I trailed off and smiled sweetly up at him. Sugar could have melted off my tongue with how my tone dipped and curved around my spoken words. Of course, I had the voice in the back of my head telling me that he knew of my scars. He'd seen a hint of the damage I'd already endured, and feared him capable of. It was just a matter of time before he brought it up.

I didn't know Damon Spencer all that well but I wouldn't have put it past him to use that against me in whichever way he could.

If he was actually wounded by my words, I couldn't tell. He just mockingly gaped at me with his hand slapped over his chest. The echo of his hand against his skin resonated almost silently through the room then Draven cleared his throat and stared pointedly at his brother. I noticed the exchange, wondering suddenly about the bond held between brothers. On first glance, they didn't look like they were that close. Then again, I didn't know much about them to see any commonalities between them, other than the shared strands of DNA embedded in their looks. On the outside, they were brothers. But that was as far as I could get without appearing to be digging for information.

My curiosity wouldn't let me do that, no matter how badly I wanted to question the younger Spencer about his older sibling. So I kept my head down as I flipped open my Calculus book, my ears straining for hints of Damon's departure. He didn't make a sound and the only confirmation I got was Draven's sigh once his brother had left the room.

I looked up, curious, and frowned immediately when I met Draven's clear green eyes. "I'm sorry." He muttered and shifted in his seat, clearly preturbed by his brother's actions. "He doesn't think sometimes."

"No worries." I shrugged and flipped through the pages of my textbook until I came to the chapter we were currently studying in class. I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I moved, forcing myself to look casual as if Damon's continued appearance hadn't made me uncomfortable.

Draven snickered and drew my attention back onto him. Along with everyone else's. Alice hadn't really looked away from him since we all reconviened at the house, and I could tell she was already beginning to really like this boy. "He hasn't ever really been rejected by a girl he likes, Baylee." Draven started, looking like he clearly owed me some kind of explanation that would give me a better clue of his sibling's motives toward me.

"I'm sorry but that's not really the jist I get from your brother." I managed out, surprised and a little grateful that my voice was remaining as strong as it sounded. I smiled reassuringly at the other boy and shrugged both my shoulders. "Him liking me, I mean. Your brother seems to thrive more on the chase of catching a girl rather than actually _getting_ her."

"And Baylee's not really easy to catch." Alice supplied before I could even think to open my mouth. I glared at her for a second, my lips slackened in horror. She was supposed to be on my side here! Realizing how her words had probably sounded, she quickly shot me an apologetic look and bodily turned to face the boy sitting beside her. "I mean...Baylee's pretty tough to get close to, when you meet her for the first time. It took a while for her to warm up to us when she first came to Forks."

"Can I ask why?" Draven asked and if he'd been staring at Alice, I wouldn't have considered answering him. But I looked up and found his eyes on me, his expression calm but curiously casual.

I shifted in my seat and glanced over when I felt Edward's eyes on me again. The impulse to make some kind of obscene gesture, or an off-hand remark was tough to battle, but I overcame it and shrugged, homework momentarily forgot about in favor of a surprisingly deep conversation that I had unknowingly walked into. "I'm not really sure," I started and shrugged as I glanced down at the book and notebook open before me. The pencil I'd snatched from my bag hung limp between my fingers, as if I couldn't force my grip to strengthen enough to propel me into action. "I didn't really have it easy growing up and it just became natural for me to hold everyone at a distance. Besides, the reason I came to live with the Cullens isn't exactly a happy memory to revisit. But it didn't take me long to realize that they really did care for me. That's what made the difference and after that, it was easy for me to open up to them. To see them as my family."

"What happened to your family?" That question just seemed to pop past Draven's lips before he could really stop himself. Alice squeaked in surprise beside him and was about to actually smack him when I waved my hand discreetly at her.

"They died in a fire." I admitted and smiled ruefully. "That's the answer you saved me from giving when your family came in to eat back on Christmas Eve. My mom and stepfather died about this time last year. I never knew my real dad, he died when I was still a baby. An old contractual agreement between my real dad and my godfather landed me with the Cullens."

"Do you like it in Forks? With the Cullens, I mean."

"Sure." I nodded and relaxed a little. Draven was curious, I could tell he was practically dying to ask me more about the fire, but he was restraining himself. That made me want to tell him everything, because he wasn't so thirsty for the knowledge. He just looked like a kid that wanted to get to know his new friend better. If that was what we could even consider each other, after only two or three days of time spent together. "They're a great family. Even when they annoy the hell out of me." I paused to shoot adoring looks at both Edward and Alice, before Bella interjected.

"She's actually the person that helped me and Edward start dating." She revealed, a timid little smile playing on her features as she spoke for the very first time.

"Really?" Draven smiled, a real genuine one that reached his impossibly green eyes. His entire focus was on the pretty brunette that had captured my bronze-haired brother's attention and kept it. "I've been noticing that you're the envy of a lot of girls at school."

She shrugged and I laughed, in spite of myself. "She is." I acknowledged with a small nod of my head, snickering more at the glare Bella sent in my direction. "But she never notices it." And she didn't. Whatever anyone said about her, or her relationship with Edward, she didn't pay any attention to it. It was almost as if, to her, she didn't care what everyone else thought. His family liked her, hell we _adored_ her and the positive influence she had on him. And that was what mattered most to her. As well as Charlie's acceptance of him. It wasn't easy dating the Police Chief's daughter, but he'd gotten on the chief's good side early in advance.

"I still don't see why it's a big deal." Edward interrupted, clearing his throat roughly as he shifted his feet under the table. "I've been going to school with those girls for as long as I can remember. They've had plenty of time to try and make their interest known."

"Oh please." I scoffed then promptly clamped my hand over my mouth. Edward looked at me in clear surprise, like he hadn't expected me to say anything. I just shrugged sheepishly and let my hand fall onto the table. "Dude, Jessica Stanley is still shooting Bella dirty looks whenever she thinks no one notices."

"And it's a wonder Baylee hasn't kicked her butt yet." Alice threw in with a tiny giggle in her impossibly clear voice. "Not to say she hasn't had it coming. That girl's gotten on my nerves from the moment I met her. I'm sorry but if you ever started dating her, I would've ran her off gladly."

"Kind of like she's been trying to do with our brother's new girlfriend." Edward threw in with an easy chuckle. But suddenly, the mood in the room shifted and three sets of eyes trained on me. I knew which brother he was referring to. It wasn't all that big of a secret. Alice and Rosalie adored each other, there was no reason for her to try and sabotage a relationship that would probably never be broken. Besides, Rosalie could hold her own and Alice posed no threat.

"What do you mean?" I asked casually, shoving a hand up against the back of my neck, partially hidden under the high hood of my sweatshirt as I leaned onto the table. If I looked informal about the sudden turn of our chat, I wasn't sure. But I knew I'd never be able to fool my family thoroughly enough to keep them from ever broaching the subject with me in privacy. But for the sake of the newcomer, and the fact that we were having this discussion in his house, I was doing my best.

Edward snickered, giving me the benefit of the doubt, and gestured with his chin over at Alice. "You know how she gets. You should've seen her when he first showed up with her. She mentioned everything and anything she knew of that would make them uncomfortable."

"It's true." Alice heaved a very fake sigh and did her best to look defeated as she stared dejectedly at me. She winked discreetly at me then turned her attention back onto Draven, who was smiling at us in open curiosity and entertainment. He really seemed to be enjoying our conversation, seeing us act like any normal set of siblings would. Well, as normal as the Cullens could get considering we were all adopted or, in my case, in foster care. "But in my defence, I at least waited until the first time she said or did something completely stupid."

"No you didn't." Bella laughed out and jokingly pointed at her. The amusement on Draven's face grew exponentially as he watched the sudden exchange between the two brunettes. "You launched into her the second she stepped out of Carlisle's car! She didn't really do anything stupid until she laid eyes on Baylee for the first time."

"And I smacked Jasper upside the head for not warning the newbie before they ever got here!" She shot out, clearly not paying attention to what she was saying now.

"Wait, does this mean you have to warn _all_ newbies?" Draven blurted out, the smile on his face still outwardly showing his entertainment at this topic, but there was also a hint of fear curling his lips.

I couldn't help snickering as I shook my head no. "She was a...special case." I hedged. To be honest, I had no idea how to explain it all properly to this guy without going into a whole bunch of details that I just was not ready to deal with yet. But in a way, he was right. He was another newbie and if he was going to have anything to do with Alice, like I was hoping he would, he needed to be let in on some key points.

"How was she a special case?"

I smiled in mild surprise by how bold he was with his questioning. He seemed to have no problem asking these questions. Then again, no one was really letting out any signs that he should stop talking. This was safe, for all intents and purposes. Or at least, it was starting out safe. Knowing my siblings? I doubted things would stay that way.

Alice heaved a sigh that sounded very fake and a knowing smile stretched across my lips when she daintily laid her hand on his exposed upper arm. The sleeves of his thermal sweater were pushed to the elbows, exposing the veins and musculature that was discreetly hidden by the dark fabric. "You see, we don't like Jasper's girlfriend for one very specific reason."

"She's not who we want him to be with." Edward announced abruptly. I gaped at him and tried to discreetly kick him underneath the table. Too bad I put a little too much force behind the blow and he jumped then reached down to start rubbing the targeted area.

"It slipped!" I grimaced then smiled angelically at him. He just snorted and shook his head, letting me know that my look needed work and he wasn't buying what I was trying to sell. Damn him.

"Sure." He threw the words at me absently then refocused on Draven. "You see, Jasper was dating another girl, or at least trying to...during the summer. A girl we happened to like very much. Things didn't really work out, he went off to college and started dating...."

"Bimbo Barbie." Alice chirped happily, smiling gratefully at her brother for his vague answer. I was a little appreciative too, but I couldn't get away with being as open as Alice was without giving it away that I was the girl he was referring to.

"Yeah." Edward answered flatly and shook his head. "Anyway, we figured that once he came back for a break, if we could force him and the girl he was dating to be in the same room for longer than five minutes, they might get over their issues and reconnect."

"I'm guessing it didn't work." Draven drawled out slowly, his accent thicker than normal thanks to his brain probably trying to connect the dots. "Why didn't it though? I can't really see anyone telling you guys no." He went on and shot Alice a covert smile. "Especially you and I have a feeling you were right in the middle of it."

"She was." Bella nodded matter-of-factly then blew a kiss at the pixie across the table when she looked afronted. "It's the truth, Alice! You're a force to be wreckoned with and it's only fair that he knows what he's dealing with now so that when you ambush him, like we know you will eventually, he'll have seen it coming."

"I'm not going to sit here and take this!" All her sudden bluster had absolutely no merit. She loved the gentle teasing we were supplying and seemed genuinely happy right where she was. Her hand was still on Draven's arm, he had made no move to pull away from her as we basically laid her personality out on the table.

"Sure you will." I announced with a perky little smile. "I'm your ride home." She grunted at me, rather unattractively which caused Draven to laugh. "And I'm not going anywhere until we get at least one page of homework done. So let's save the Cullen history lesson for another day, okay? Draven probably has a lot of catching up to do anyway."

"Not really." He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. Because I was actually looking at him, I noticed that he was trying very hard not to pull his arm even an inch away from Alice's grip.

I immediately wanted to aww rather loudly and obnoxiously, but decided against it. Ruining the tiny brunette's chances before they even had a hope of coming to fruitation was a big no-no. Not to mention, my imminent death would probably soon follow. That and I had to use the bathroom. Suddenly and rather badly. "Um, Draven?" I chirped, raising an eyebrow at myself at how my voice had come out.

He snickered and looked up at me. "Never heard my name sound like that before."

"Har har." I stated dryly then slowly rose from my chair, keeping my knees partially bent while my hands supported me on the table. "Can you point me in the direction of the bathroom?"

"Sure." He nodded and gestured out into the foyer. "The first floor's being remodeled still but you can just use the one upstairs. It's the door in the right corner right after you come up the stairs."

"You're a gem." I grinned and even blew him a kiss before I wiggled out from between the chair and table then jogged upstairs. I kept my eyes peeled as I reached the landing and slowly turned to the right, my fingers sliding over the lacquered banister. But as soon as I took a step toward the open bathroom door, a weird sound caused me to stop. There was another door on the second floor that was open with probably the saddest melody I'd ever heard pouring out. My curiosity got the better of me and I found myself slowly approaching the room. A peek inside revealed a boy's bedroom, the walls a dark blue with darker curtains covering a rather large window. A large bed was set up in the center of the room with a heavy, dark oak headboard and deep red pillows propped against it. A black comforter was spread across the wide mattress and a computer table was positioned almost right beside it. Complete with a swiveling chair on wheels that held a body off the floor.

The slouched figure straightened up and I stopped when blue eyes landed on me. I froze and immediately looked guilty before pushing my body to stand in the middle of the doorway. "I come in peace." I muttered and even waved my hands a little, to show they were empty.

Damon laughed humorlessly and turned back to the desk. Now that I was actually looking into the wide, spacious bedroom, I noticed the sound system set up in the corner of the room. The source of the music that had stopped me from going straight to the bathroom. The haunting melody ended, but was quickly brought back into a series of piano keys that signaled the beginning of the song. If I had to guess, the song was on repeat.

"I heard the music when I came up to use the bathroom." I started to explain, even gesturing at the bookcase that seemed to be made of the same wood as the headboard in front of me.

Damon shrugged and rose smoothly from his chair. His feet were bare, his boots to the left of the doorway I was standing in. His socks hung off the edge of a white plastic hamper that was filled and nearly overflowing. "I figured I had it too loud but didn't think anyone would be venturing up here."

Nodding, I lightly clicked my tongue and angled my body sideways in the entryway. I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't really want me up here. And really, I couldn't blame him. But the music was just too impossible for me to ignore. Especially now that I was hearing the lyrics first-hand. I couldn't be sure which was more heart-breaking, the melody or the actual words. Especially when I heard what was presumably the second verse, sung by a feminine voice that would probably be forever engrained in my head now.

"_I'm not ready to let go cause then I'll never know, what could be missing. But I'm missing way too much. So when do I give up what I've been wishing for?_" Damon didn't say anything or move until the chorus was sparked back up, his eyes slowly rising to meet mine before he moved away from the stereo and stepped closer to me.

"Who sings this?" I muttered, hating that my voice was cutting out on me. I wanted to say it was because of the song, the impact it was having on me affecting my voice. But I knew better. With every step closer that Damon took toward me, I could feel what it was doing to me. Both vocally and physically. He wore an expression that I'd never seen before: open vulnerability that seemed to be only reserved for his bedroom.

"Jason Walker." He admitted and shrugged his shoulders slowly. "It's called _Down_. You can probably find it on iTunes. You use that, don't you?"

I nodded soundlessly then bit down on my lower lip to keep myself from saying anything else that might potentially get me into trouble. This was dangerous territory. It felt much more dangerous than the last time I'd spoken to Jasper. In the doorway of his bedroom no less.

Clearly I needed to stop listening to music so much! It was leading me directly into the path of unknown temptation.

"Why're you up here?" He asked so suddenly, the bitterness in his tone cutting out the lyrics from my ears.

I gulped noisily and pointed behind me feebily. "I told you, bathroom." As soon as the words passed my lips, I realized how this must've looked to him and winced. "Look, I'm not trying to play games here. I'm really not. I wasn't lying when I said I heard the song and got curious. I also meant it when we talked in your car."

"That's right." He breathed the words out, sending invisible shivers down my spine as he nodded slowly. His eyes stayed on the ceiling before slowly sliding down to meet mine. "The day you used your scar as a weapon."

"I didn't." It was my turn to breathe words out. I didn't flinch or even think of pulling away when I was suddenly moved into the room enough that Damon was able to close the door. I had a sinking suspicion that whatever happened next? I wouldn't be asked for permission.

"Yeah, you did." He deadpanned, not believing a single word I was saying to him. "I know exactly what you were thinking when you showed me your neck that day. You thought that, if I saw it, I wouldn't want you anymore. I'd think you were some hideously disfigured girl and be grossed out by you. And if I thought that, I would leave you alone. I wouldn't want anything else to do with you because of vanity. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

To be honest, I'd had no idea what I wanted that day. But it must've been along the lines of what Damon was guessing. But I hadn't shown him the full extent of my burns. He'd only gotten a glimpse, which was more than I could say for the rest of the town. "I've kept it a secret from almost everyone else in town. My family excluded. They've all seen it. But for some reason, I wanted to show you. If you liked me as much as you were saying you did, then you needed to see exactly what you were interested in. And I didn't set out to prove that I'm some hideously disfigured monster. I prove that to myself every single time I look in the mirror."

He sighed and leaned away from me for a second, his long pale fingers lingering on the doorknob. "How bad is it, Baylee? And what caused it?"

"No." I blurted out and shook my head quickly in two swift jerks. "No, I'm sorry but I can't tell you or show you that."

"Then see?" He revealed and pointed at me as he started to back away. "That proves you're using them as a weapon. You think that's the one, sure-fire way to keep people away from you. You _want_ them to see you as you see yourself because you think that's the only thing that makes you who you are. You probably figure that, if they don't like the outside packaging, then they won't give a damn about the girl underneath the scarring. I'm sorry but I refuse to let you push me into that category without my consent."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes involuntarily. Looking away, I swallowed thickly and crossed my arms tightly across the front of my hoodie. "No offense?" I muttered then looked over at him sharply. "But I've heard that before. And in the end, it turned out exactly the way I figured it would."

"Maybe the trend will continue." Damon shrugged and collapsed back into his desk chair, hands interlocked against the back of his head. "But that's entirely up to you, isn't it? You're the only one who can control how the world sees you."

My eyes rolled in their sockets again and I jerked impulsively to yank the door open. But as soon as I took a step out into the hall, Damon's voice stopped me.

"When are you going to stop being so scared to live, Baylee?"


	13. Sooner Surrender

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking credit for the originals._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG - SOONER SURRENDER - MATT NATHANSON**

_"I'm waiting for something, I've waited for now. For the rolling canyons of love and i'm tongue tied. And you're coming alive, coming alive."_

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen:**

A month after my last run in with Damon Spencer, I recieved two bits of news that I just could not wrap my head around. One, I refused to think about. I didn't want to, not with the impending holiday and all the sentimental crap that made money for stores all over the country. The second was just as bad, and unavoidable.

Jasper was coming home for Valentine's Day, with Miranda. And Alice wanted to have a party. A party where her date was going to be her new boyfriend, Draven Spencer.

Couples were just popping up left and right, all around me! Even Emmett and Rosalie were flying in for the stupid holiday that didn't even celebrate it's origins.

Classes ended too soon for my liking and I trudged home with a grimace that seemed to be permanantly twisting my lips. Parking the car back in the garage, I climbed out with Edward and headed inside. Alice had stopped riding with us, usually getting rides from her boyfriend and his newly purchased car. I had to admit, the dark green piece of machinery was pretty impressive, but I was also a little grateful to now see the pristine SUV in the school parking lot instead of the ostentacious Ferarri driven by Draven's brother.

It was still uncertain why Damon was still lurking around Forks when he should've been off attending college, but I tried not to pay too much attention. Draven had tried to explain it once to Alice, with me in the room. But after I made a hasty exit, I never got a chance to assauge my curiosity. Why was Damon Spencer holed up in this small town when he had the chance of going to any college he wanted? And now, with graduation hanging even heavier over my head, I was starting to think about those same schools.

Carlisle was still on my back about it, doing everything he could think of to try and get my head in plans for life after high school. I was still considering nursing, but I didn't want to be so broad in my dream. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't quite know how to explain it to Carlisle. Plus, part of me wasn't entirely sure just how much more help I was willing to accept from the doctor and his wife.

"You okay?" Edward asked, unceremoniously yanking me from my thoughts as we crossed the backyard and headed in through the back entrance. I just shrugged and tossed my school bag into my room when we passed it. But as soon as we entered the kitchen, I immediately wanted to turn and hole up.

Not only was Jasper and Miranda all cozy in the little breakfast nook, but the Spencer brothers were leaned against the counter, talking animatedly with Alice and Esme. The matriarch of our family was clearly enthralled with the brothers, smiling and laughing as if she were a seventeen year old girl, not a mother of six.

"Talk about a packed house." I muttered and belined for the fridge. I was thirsty and had been since my final class of the day. Grabbing a bottle of water, I consciously paid attention to my hands when I felt eyes on me. I was thankfully still dressed from the outside weather in my bulky sweater and jeans. But I still felt exposed in a way. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to keep my cover around Damon with so many people that had way too much information at his disposal.

Plus I didn't trust Jasper to keep his trap shut. As soon as I walked into the room, the tension that had become heightened during his visit home on Christmas attacked me and refused to loosen it's grip around my neck.

"Baylee!" Esme scolded me as I stepped up beside her. "I've never known you to forget to say hi to our guests."

"Hi." I waved, rather cheesily, at Damon and Draven then started for the exit. I wasn't about to turn over my shoulder and extend that greeting to Jasper and his giggly girlfriend, who was making lusty eyes at Damon. The entire scene just churned my stomach and thankfully, Esme didn't make me stop and greet the two I'd convienently left out.

I'd just cleared the doorway when footsteps began to echo behind me. With a sigh, I walked on into my room and set the water bottle aside before turning to see who had escaped with me.

Damon was clearly at ease as he stood in my doorway, leaning against the white molding with his arms crossed over his chest and one ankle tucked against the outside curve of his boot. "So I hear you sister's throwing a party and has invited my brother to be her guest. What do you think it'd take to get an invite as well?"

I shrugged and switched my stereo on, not caring what song I'd stopped half-way through the last time I'd turned my iPod on and snatched my bag off the foot of my bed, where it had landed and threatened to spill out onto the floor. "Ask Alice. I'm sure she'd be very willing to make you RSVP."

"And you?" He asked, his eyes watching my every move as I kicked my sneakers off and settled into my beloved chair so I could start studying. I had an English paper due and wondered if that would be enough of an excuse to get me out of this stupid Valentine's party. Esme had put restrictions on Alice and made her promise that only a small group would be gathering at the house while Carlisle swept her off on a romantic night for two. A romantic night that probably wasn't going to end until the next morning.

Ew.

"What about me?" I sighed my question out and looked up at him blankly. "I'm not going if that's what you're hedging at. And after that day in your bedroom? I doubt I'd invite you even if I was going."

Shaking his head, he straightened up and let his arms drop to his sides. "I've never met someone as willingly anti-social as you are."

"But yet you keep trying."

"Of course." He scoffed then flashed me the most devilish little half-smile I'd ever seen cross his features. "I'm just as stubborn as you appear to be. A few scars on your neck isn't going to stop me."

I rolled my eyes and briefly contemplated launching my English book at him. But the thought of walking across the room to pick it up just didn't sound all that appealing. So I let the little moment of violence go and rubbed my forehead tiredly. "I'm not going to keep you from wasting your time on a lost cause. So do whatever. Just leave me out of it, I have to study and I have a ton of homework waiting to be done."

"What subject?" Damon asked, his entire demenor changing as he came into the room and knelt in front of my chair.

I blinked and stared at him in surprise before I suspciously reached into my bag, almost as if something inside was going to bite me. "The only thing I'll probably have issues with is Calculus. Necessary evil and all that."

He nodded slowly, thoughtfully then stood and sat down on the edge of my bed. "I can help if you want. I was pretty good at it when I was still in school."

"Really?" I asked, staring dubiously at him. I wasn't convinced that this kid had ever cracked a book open in his life! He didn't look the type.

Damon rolled his eyes, obviously knowing what I was hinting at and impatiently gestured for me to join him on the bed. I complied grudgingly and soon had my Cal book and homework spread out between us. The music was just background noise as I settled out onto my stomach with a pencil shoved between my lips. Damon somehow ended up in the same position, laying right next to me with my book open in front of us.

The tone of his voice changed completely as he explained the chapter problems I had to have completed for my next class. It was weird, to listen as he pointed out certain equations and how easily solvable they were. His voice was like honey, so intense and quiet that I was suddenly more interested in concentrating on the connotation of his words, instead of what he was actually saying.

Unconsciously leaning closer, more so that distance disappeared instead of me needing to hear him better, I yelped in surprise and jumped up onto my knees when a new figure appeared in my doorway, clearing his throat obnoxiously.

It was Jasper, of course. And he didn't look too thrilled about the scene he'd just walked in on. "Esme's got dinner ready. She wants to know if you plan on staying for dinner." He threw a gesture at Damon, indicating that he hadn't caught his name and didn't really care to rectify that.

"If Draven is, yeah." He nodded then looked back down at my book. Only Damon.

I kept my eyes on my almost-an-ex and frowned when he rolled his eyes then turned to walk out. The moment of violence I'd initally directed at Damon was turned onto Jasper. Before I was conscious of it, the notebook I'd been writing equations in was flying through the air and hit Jasper square between his shoulderblades. Damon sat up with a shock and the honey head of curls shivered a little as the owner slowly turned back to face me.

"What was that for?!" He blurted out then bent to snatch up my spiral.

"You know what for." I accused, my face curiously blank as I sat back on my heels. "Don't tell me college has made you so stupid that I have to start explaining stuff to you now."

He frowned and tossed the spiral back onto the bed. He left without a word and I looked down to find Damon's body shaking. His face was buried in my comforter and I could tell that he was trying not to laugh out loud.

"What?!" I huffed and flopped back onto my stomach, bracing my upper body with my elbows in preparation of going back to study. "Why're you laughing so much?"

"That was great." He sighed happily and smiled dreamily at me. "I really didn't think you'd actually launch something at him."

I shrugged and pulled the book closer to me before picking up the pencil I'd stuck in the binding to keep it from rolling away. "He had it coming and don't ask me to explain why." I snapped and stared pointedly at him. "Cause I won't."

Damon rose onto his elbows and spread his hands out in front of his face in a surrendering gesture. "None of my business."

Mouthing a 'thank-you', I absently reached across him to pick up my weapon. But as soon as I felt a warm rush of air across my cheek, I froze. I'd leaned over too far and ended up sticking my face right in front of his. My hand was still hovering over my spiral as I slowly turned my head to stare up at him. His eyes were nearly closed, eyelid slitted against dark blue eyes as his lips parted about a fraction of an inch wider.

There was a strong part of me that wanted to lean over and close the distance between us. To just give in for a second and see what it would be like to kiss him. The only other person I'd ever kissed in my life was probably in the dining room, with our family waiting for me and Damon to emerge. That thought alone made me want to groan aloud and I pulled away slowly. Ducking my head, I rested my forehead against the comforter for a second then sat up on my knees. "We should probably get out there."

Damon cleared his throat and nodded as he climbed off the bed and readjusted the shirt he'd paired over his jeans. "You're probably right. I'll...meet you out there?"

"Sure." I nodded and faked a smile for him. He chuckled at the obvious force behind my grin and waved casually before turning to leave the room. I fell onto my back once he was gone, mildly surprised that I hadn't cracked my head on my book. Another deep sigh filled my body then slowly escaped from my lips. It was a little unnerving just how close I'd come to kissing Damon Spencer. It was even weirder after all the protesting I'd done, putting up invisible walls so he would leave me alone and find someone else to target.

Now, here I was in my bedroom, wondering how differently things would've turned out if I _had_ kissed him. It was useless now for me to entertain the thought that he hadn't gotten under my skin. The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to be around him. I was sure it was a lose-lose type of situation, but I couldn't bring myself to keep him at bay.

With another sigh, I heaved myself off my bed and changed out of my hoodie. The tank top I'd worn to school was left on but soon covered with the flannel shirt Emmett had given me to supliment my closet when I first came to live with them. I kept the buttons undone against my stomach, knowing I'd have the desired amount of coverage. Unless someone decided to be mean and yank it down, I wouldn't have to worry about exposing more of my damaged body to Draven and Damon Spencer.

Everyone was waiting, just as I'd predicted when I came into the dining room. Because there were now so many people in the house, we had to eat at the dining room table that hadn't seen much use since Emmett, Rose, and Jasper left for school.

Damon had an empty seat beside him, his brother to his right with Alice on Draven's other side. He smiled as I approached and actually stood to pull the chair out for me.

"Thank you." I stuttered and smiled bashfully before folding myself into the plush chair. I was almost sure that he was just putting on an act for Esme, who was smiling encouragingly from her place at the table. Carlisle was even smiling, having already sat down with a glass of wine in hand.

The food was soon distributed and as soon as my plate was full, I concentrated on eating. Bella was on my left side, thankfully barricading me. But Jasper was across the table, his hand underneath the table and probably on Miranda's thigh. She'd stopped staring obscenely at Damon, which I was a little grateful for. It was easier to keep the green-eyed monster away when she remembered who she was dating.

"So how is your family adjusting to Forks?" Carlisle asked, starting conversation as he smiled at Damon.

Damon waited to answer, swallowing the lump of mashed potatoes he'd just pulled off his plate and smiled at my guardian. "We're pretty happy here, which I didn't expect. Our mom's such a southern belle that Dad was almost sure she'd demand to go home."

"Well he's such a vital asset to the hospital, we'd hate to lose him." Carlisle smiled, his eyes flickering between our first-time guests before he turned his attention onto me. "Speaking of hospitals, Baylee I got a call from Dr. Davenport the other day about you."

"You did?" I squeaked, nearly choking on my food as I stared blankly up at him. What was my doctor from Seattle doing calling Carlisle? I had a feeling I wasn't going to like this answer. "What did y'all talk about?"

He shrugged casually and ate more before he paused to answer my question. "The hospital is putting on a benefit for burn victims still residing at the hospital. It's mostly centered around the children, and he wanted to know if you'd be willing to volunteer. It's on a weekend but I'm sure Esme and I can agree to let you off for a couple days of school to get up there and back."

Heat flooded into my cheeks so quickly that I was afraid to look at anyone but Carlisle. I had everyone's attention now, there was no doubt about it. "Which weekend?"

"It's next weekend, actually." He smiled apologetically at me and set his fork down on his plate of half-eaten food. "I know it's short-notice. But they're dangerously understaffed as far as volunteers go. And he would love to have a fellow burn survivor there to talk to the kids."

A fellow burn survivor. Which meant that these kids were going to be just as scarred, if not more badly scarred, than I was. But it was right up the alley of what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. In any other circumstance, I would've jumped at the chance to do this.

"Is he wanting only burn victims to volunteer?" Damon asked, thoroughly surprising me. So much so that I jumped in my chair to stare at him wildly.

He looked perfectly at ease as he picked at the food on his plate, taking a second or two to eat a bite here and there. Carlisle smiled and shook his head. "Why, no. But I have to admit that these children have some pretty gruesome burns. It's not a sight for someone who doesn't have an iron-cast stomach."

"Or been through it before and remember what it looks like." I muttered and looked down at my plate. I was suddenly very nauseated, images of my own body right after I woke up from surgery playing across my closing eyelids.

"I wouldn't mind it." Damon shrugged and smiled again. "I've been thinking about becoming a paramedic and our parents have always encouraged us to be active in charity work."

"Plus he has nothing to do around here and is going stir crazy." Draven injected with a light laugh. A light round of laughter followed Draven's words and I felt a brief moment of thanks for him trying to lighten the mood.

"It would give you someone to hang out with." Esme smiled, the corners of her lips twitching a little when she realized I wasn't eating anymore. "Not to mention make us feel a little more comfortable about you making that trip. That is, if Damon doesn't mind."

"I don't mind at all." He revealed with a smile, but it promptly faded when Jasper decided to speak up.

"I was planning on coming down next weekend to transfer some more of my stuff to my dorm. I could bring her back with me on Friday then bring her home whenever she was finished."

Anger flooded through me so suddenly that I actually glared at him from across the table. Miranda was shocked, sitting still with her mouth hanging open beside him. He hadn't been planning on coming down at all, and the stuff he wanted could probably be shipped by Esme if he needed it badly enough.

Emmett was sitting on his other side and took that opportunity to smack his smaller brother upside the head. "That makes no sense dude. Why make two unnecessary trips down?"

"Exactly." Damon went on, as if he hadn't noticed the stunt Jasper was trying to pull. "Just leave a list with Baylee and we can bring it up to you. I don't mind."

He must really be bored in Forks. The tightening in my stomach was growing more and more, no thanks to the look contorting Jasper's features when he realized there was no way he could inject himself into this casually.

"I'm sorry." I muttered and quickly pushed my chair back as I tossed my napkin onto the table. "I need to be excused." Not waiting for Esme's approval, I stood up and swiftly walked out of the dining room. Once I hit the hall, my pace broke into a run and I launched myself into the bathroom just in time to bend over the toilet and get sick. I didn't even have time to close the door or disguize what I was doing. I just knew that I was going to get sick. Now.

I hadn't expected Damon to offer to come with me, just so I could do some volunteer work at the hospital I'd been transferred to when the Cullens took custody of me. I was going to be surrounded by people in almost the exact same boat as me. I wouldn't be able to keep my scars covered, I knew that much. Kids were inquisitve by nature and wanted to make sure that you weren't just feeding them some crap about knowing what they were going through when you really didn't. If I went in there talking about the scars riddling my body, I'd need proof to back it up.

Not to mention a weekend's worth of nights spent in a hotel room. Presumably with Damon. Suddenly this little party idea of Alice's seemed like the least of my worries.

Once I was sure that there was nothing left in my stomach that wanted to come up, I flushed and stood to rinse my mouth out. A shadow appeared behind me as I spit the Scope mouthwash out into the sink basin and grabbed a hand towel to wipe my mouth. The figure looming behind me stayed where he was and as I straightened up, I recognized Damon.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He muttered, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans. "I just figured it would be a nice gesture and proof that I really do want to get to know you better."

"I know." I sighed and slowly turned to face him, my hips leaning back against the counter. "But Damon, this isn't a joke to me. How can I be sure that you're going to take this seriously? Carlisle suggested me going because he knows I want to go into some kind of healthcare field once I'm out of school."

"I'm serious about it too." He shot back, his face flushing faintly in anger before he sighed. "Why don't we talk about this in your room? I told your parents that we needed a second to discuss and decide."

I nodded and followed silently as he lead the way down the short distance between the bathroom and my bedroom. The door clicked shut behind me and I stopped to lean against it for support. "Were you serious when you said you were thinking about becoming a paramedic? Or was that just to butter Carlisle up?"

He turned and sat down on the edge of my bed, hands folded between his thighs as he stared up at me. "I meant it. My father's only given me a year to decide what I want to do with my life before he starts making the choices for me. And that means Harvard Medical School, where he went. Draven's already decided what he wants to do, so the heat's really on me to figure it out. And when you graduate, I'll be out of time. That's the deal. So maybe if I go with you next weekend, I can figure some stuff out and go to my dad with some kind of plan set."

I nodded and bit down on my lower lip. The line of burns riddling my body was in the forefront of my mind but I couldn't decide if it was better to just get that out of the way now or wait. The chicken squaking in my head demanded I wait, to spend as much time with him as possible before he really did see me the way I saw myself. Plus Jasper's reaction was fresh in my mind, even after all the time that had passed.

"Then...come with me." I agreed with a small nod. "But I swear, if you make this into some kind of joke, I will never speak to you again."

Damon frowned and slowly rose to his feet. Air felt lodged in my throat as he stopped directly in front of me and held up his right hand. "I swear to you, Baylee. I'll be on my best behavior next weekend. I know how serious you are about this and it's about time I stopped acting like such a douche around you."

"That'd be pretty helpful, yeah." I admitted with a small nod then snickered at the flicker of surprise across his face. "Sorry." I muttered then sighed and straightened up. He stepped back to give me room and surprisingly didn't say anything when I turned and opened the door.

We walked through the hall in silence. Everyone was still gathered around the table, but I didn't really see anyone eating as I slipped back into my seat. Damon followed suit, being mindful not to touch me as he sat down.

"Everything okay?" Esme asked, worry pooling deep in her eyes as she leaned onto the table.

"Fine." I smiled at her and nodded. "I just...I don't have a good grip on all my memories yet."

"I'm sorry." Carlisle sighed, causing me to whip my head around to stare at him. He looked like he was mentally beating himself up for even bringing this topic up in the first place. "I'll call Richard and let him know you're unavailable. I'm sorry, Baylee. I wasn't thinking about what you might or might not have remembered."

"No!" I rushed out as my hand flailed a little in front of me to catch his attention as he prepared to stand and leave the table. "I want to, Carlisle."

After exchanging a confused glance with Esme, he focused on me and leaned back in his chair. "Are you sure? Baylee, even though you've made a remarkable recovery...."

"It's fine." I repeated sternly, hoping that silenced him from delving deeper into the medical history that the Spencer boys didn't know about. I wasn't even sure Draven had been told as much as Damon had yet. "I told you, I want to go. And I don't mind Damon accompanying me."

"I'll make sure that she has everything she needs, and we'll be bunking in separate rooms."

"Oh." Esme flustered and smiled knowingly at me before cutting her eyes to Damon. "We trust Baylee."

I snorted in spite of myself and looked sidewasy at him. "Notice how she didn't say she trusted _you_."

"Baylee!" Esme gasped, but before she could really get onto me everyone else started laughing. Everyone that is, except for Jasper and Miranda. Oh well. But as much as I tried to fight it, I found myself glancing up discreetly to study his face. He was the first person I had willingly exposed my body to. He'd painted my scars the way he'd seen them at the time, a memory that wasn't going to leave me for a very long time.

If ever. And as I sat there, forcing myself to smile and laugh along with everyone else, how different this trip would be if I'd had Jasper to count on instead of Damon. That made me immediately angry. Tears even stung the back of my eyelids as I leaned back in my chair. This was something we could've been doing together, if he'd just given me more time to adjust to everything. I would've been able to go up to Seattle and see how he was living now while attending school. I might've even been able to share this experience with him, instead of Damon. A boy that knew exactly what I had endured and overcame to get to where I was now.

But that wasn't the way it was going to be. And a small, growing part of me strangely didn't mind. The body sitting beside me was starting to surprise me left and right.

Maybe I _had_ been wrong about Damon Spencer when I labeled his personality for the very first time.


	14. Long Way to Happy

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__Things are gettin' interesting now! Hope you guys enjoy._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking credit for originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: LONG WAY TO HAPPY - PINK**

_"Thank to you years ago, I guess I'll never know what love means to me. I'll keep rolling down this road. But I've got a bad, bad feeling. It's gonna take a long time to love, it's gonna take a lot to hold on. It's gonna be a long way to happy. Left in the pieces that you broke me into, torn apart but now I've got to keep on rolling like a stone. Cause it's gonna be a long way to happy. Left my childhood behind in a roll-away bed. Everything was so damn simple, now I'm losing my head. Trying to cover up the damage and pad out all the bruises. Too young to know I had it so it didn't hurt to lose it. No but oh, I'll keep on rolling down this road, but I've got a bad, bad feeling. It's gonna take a long time to love, it's gonna take a lot to hold on. It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah. Left in the pieces that you broke me into, torn apart but now I've got to keep on rolling like a stone. Cause it's gonna be a long, long way. Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing."_

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**Chapter Fourteen:**

After dinner, Damon and Draven were invited to stay a little longer. A quick phone call was placed to their parents and we were soon all crammed into the spacious living room that didn't have enough furniture to accomodate everyone. Rosalie had gone over and turned the stereo on, letting music play throughout the room instead of the background noise that the flat screen TV on one white wall would provide.

Carlisle had even disappeared long enough to call Dr. Davenport and let him know that I'd agreed to come up next weekend and volunteer for the annual weekend they set up every year in the burn unit. The smile on his face displayed the fact that the Seattle doctor had been surprised to learn of an unexpected volunteer in the form of Damon.

I sat stretched out on the floor, my ankles crossed in front of me with my hands holding my upper body up for support. Emmett and Edward were trading verbal threats back and forth but as soon as Esme and Carlisle left the room to give 'us kids' time to hang out, Emmett turned and launched onto Edward.

He was stretched out in the floor beside me, with Bella curled protectively against him. Even Draven and Alice were a little cuddly on the loveseat she'd claimed before anyone else came into the room. I wanted to aww so badly at them, but refrained. Only because Damon sat on my other side, his posture mirroring mine with a limited amount of space between our braced arms. I wasn't stupid, I could see how it would potentially turned back onto me.

But when Emmett tackled Edward just seconds after Bella rolled away, I laughed and accidentally pitched back. The momentum pushed me into Damon, who also laughed and wrapped an arm protectively around me.

"Hey!" Emmett's voice boomed around us and stared accusingly at me. "What do you find so funny, Bay?"

"You." I sputtered between giggles, drawing my knees up to my chest in hopes of keeping him from launching his next attack on me. Rosalie was on the couch beside Jasper and Miranda, but stopped looking so pissed when her boyfriend began to make everyone laugh. Even the excluded couple was in on it, Jasper's laughter ringing clearly through the area.

"You're such a freakin' gorilla." I snickered again then squeaked and jumped to my feet when he climbed off our lanky brother and jokingly growled at me. "Rose!" I yelped and dove toward her. I didn't get very far though and as I glanced back to see where Emmett was, I noticed Damon pitch back in his own fit of laughter.

My burly brother's larger body collided with mine and sent us both sprawling onto the floor at Rose's feet. She wrenched her legs up and fell back against the couch, laughing even harder when Edward threw his weight onto Emmett. That caused them both to roll off me and a large gasp of air flooded into my lungs.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" Edward teased, a wide grin flashing his perfect white teeth as the two started to grapple.

"I was!" He grunted as he fell onto his back, Edward sprawled weirdly across his chest. "Dude, get off me! You're not as light as you used to be, you know?"

"You were never light!" I giggled, unable to help myself. That just drew attention onto me and I sprang to my feet in hopes of another quick getaway. But as soon as I righted myself, Emmett was up and gripping the back of my shirt. Not thinking, I just took a couple more strained steps away and threw my arms back. That sent the flannel shirt I'd used to protect myself down my arms and I jerked forward when I was suddenly relieved of the garment and Emmett's weight.

But as soon as I heard two very distinct gasps of shock, I froze and clenched my eyes shut. I was still standing directly in front of Jasper, who had taken up the other side of the couch. That left Miranda wedged between him and Rosalie. I didn't need to look behind me to see who had finally noticed the tiny expanse of my back that wasn't covered by the low spaghetti strap shirt I'd thrown on that morning. It'd been such a good idea at the time too, thanks to the built-in bra.

"Shit." I muttered, my head falling back before I slowly turned to face the eyes now following my every move. "Okay, go ahead and take a good look!" I shouted, hating that my moment of stupidity had wrecked the good mood holding us all in it's spell. I spread my arms out to my sides and even slowly turned to give Draven and Damon, who were on their feet and staring right at me, the full affect.

Damon reached me first, his hand on my waist stopping me from completing my turn. I flinched when he tucked a finger into the back collar of my shirt and lifted it away so he could fully look down. A low growl passed his lips and before I was even aware of anything else, he had me by the arm and was pulling me out of the room. I heard Jasper's yell for him to stop, but didn't look behind me to see if anyone stopped him from following us. I just moved willingly, wincing when I was unceremoniously yanked into my room. The door slammed shut and I was spun around without my permission to face a very angry-looking Damon Spencer.

"I want to see how bad it is." He said, his voice low and a little dangerous as he stepped back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Now."

I wasn't sure how I wanted to react, but the angry defense won out. "Why the hell should I?" I blurted out before I could stop myself and stared accusingly up at him. "Damon, I told you that I'm a burn victim. Why else do you think I got invited to that stupid thing next weekend?"

"Don't you think that's why you should probably show me?" He yelled back, not caring who heard us and came to my defense.

"Why're you suddenly so pissed off at me, anyway?" I threw back. "You act like this is some big secret that you've accidentally stumbled on."

"Would you have shown me if Emmett hadn't yanked off your shirt?"

My mouth fell open instantly to answer. It was right there on the tip of my tongue with anger fueling my words. But before I could actually _say_ anything, the door to my bedroom flew open and bounced loudly against the wall. The look of pure fury was easy to detect as Jasper came up behind Damon and grabbed his shoulder. I noticed Edward and Emmett behind him, both looking marginally calmer than their fair-haired brother. But still, the tension ratched up a notch when Jasper flung Damon around to face him, causing me to jerk painfully to the side since his grip didn't loosen on my arm.

"I think you need to calm down right now." Jasper's voice was low but menacing as he glared into the furiously blue eyes set under a shock of jet black hair.

"I don't think a conversation between Baylee and me is any of your business." He threw back, not letting Jasper have one inch of room to try and intimidate him.

"It's our business when you yank her through _our_ house like she's some kind of puppet. If you want answers, this isn't the best way to go about it."

Damon finally let go of my arm and I quickly turned to wedge myself between the two furious young men. I'd wondered, once while shrouded in pure boredom, who would win in a fight between Jasper and Damon. But to have it actually happening now and in my bedroom was not something I'd signed up for. As much as I was grateful to Jasper for coming to check on me, there was another part of me that had wished he'd just stayed in the living room. That part grew a little more when Miranda suddenly elbowed her way into the room, shock registerring on her face when she saw Jasper and Damon's little staring contest.

All this testosterone poisoning was really starting to get to me. And what made matters worse was how it had all started. Because Emmett and I were messing around and I didn't think. If I'd just let Emmett take me down, I'd still have the long sleeved shirt on and would be covered. Damon wouldn't have gotten an eyefull and angrily jumped to gain answers.

"Why the hell do you suddenly care so much?!" The words hit the air before anyone had a chance of stopping them. But what surprised me the most wasn't the string of syllables, it was the person that had _said _them.

Miranda stood on the other side, angled toward Jasper with her hands on his upper arm. He jerked as if he'd been burned when she touched him and his eyes finally left Damon's to address her.

I took my opening and shoved Damon back roughly. Because of his surprise I actually managed to move him back a little, both of my hands moving to the center of his chest before I looked over my shoulder at Miranda and Jasper, who was probably borderlining on shell shock.

"What do you mean, since when do I care?" He barked out, his naturally deep voice a little lower thanks to the anger and surprise I could feel flowing off him in waves. But his attention wasn't on me. It was on the angry blonde trying to push him as far away from me as she could get.

"So they're having an argument, so what?" She sputtered and spared a second to shoot me a look that would've put me six feet under if she could mentally will it. "It's not your job to come to _her_ defense! She's a big girl, Jasper. And besides, all I've heard about is how you can't stand to be in the same room as her but yet, here you are! Not even home an hour and she's already got you rushing to her defense."

At her last statement, I promptly forgot about trying to reign Damon in and rounded on the vicious blonde. Edward and Emmett noticed but were too slow. I had already reached out and spun her around to face me before they could grab me and hold my arms against my back. "_I_ have him rushing to my defence? Are you being serious right now?"

"I sure as hell am!" Miranda exclaimed and wrenched my wrist away from her arm. The action was so powerful that I had to take a step back to steady myself. "When are you going to realize that he doesn't want to be anywhere near you?! It's kind of pathetic actually, do you sit in here and think of ways to get him to talk to you or is it just sheer luck?"

I wasn't entirely sure what caused it, but I was seeing red. I could feel the adrenaline pumping vibrantly in my veins, ignoring the pressure of hands when they gripped my arms. All so I wouldn't lunge at her. But that had actually been the very last thought in my head. "Let me go." I warned, my voice dropping so suddenly that I was even scared by it.

Whoever had me pinned didn't listen, their grip tightening just enough to piss me off even further. Wrenching myself forward, I breathed a silent sigh of relief when the pressure was lifted from my arms and stared at Jasper. He actually flinched when he caught my eye, promptly looking away from whatever reaction that showed on my face. Inside, I felt nothing. Staring at him right then and having Miranda's words bouncing mercilessly in my ears suddenly put everything into a whole new perspective. Of course, I couldn't forget about the last time he and I had been in the same room together, and I knew by her words that he hadn't told her about his infedelity. I wasn't about to be the one to break the news, no matter how badly it would hurt both of them.

"Both of you need to get out of my room right now." I declared in a cold, emotionless voice. No one made a move, I couldn't even feel breathing against the back of my neck. I was sure Damon still stood behind me and didn't even care that all he could see was the back of my head and my damaged back. None of that mattered right then, getting Jasper and his girlfriend out of my room was too important.

I stayed perfectly still for what felt like an hour, but was really only a minute or two. When neither person made a move to leave, I just shrugged and turned on my heel. I hadn't taken my shoes off when I came into the house before and was thankful for that. I reached my closet before I was consciously aware of that being my target and wrenched the first jacket I came to off the hanger. It bounced against the whitewashed rod holding it up then clattered to the floor. I made no move to pick it up, throwing my jacket over one arm before I headed for the door. Everyone else was inside the room, leaving Jasper as the only barrier between me and my escape route. My keys were snatched off the dresser right before I used all of my weight to shove him aside. I heard his body collide with something but didn't spare a glance back to see if he really was okay. I just needed out of the house. I needed away from the people that had clammered inside my room.

Once in the living room, I snatched up the flannel shirt Emmett had yanked off me and threw it back on. My jacket soon followed and as I turned for the door, I saw the stricken faces of Esme and Carlisle on the staircase. As much as I wanted to say something to them, to reassure them that everything was fine and I'd be back later on, I couldn't. I just kept walking, my steps feeling mechanical as I carried myself outside then launched into a run around to the back of the house, where my car sat parked in the garage. Hitting the unlock button on my keyless entry device, I had just slid in behind the wheel when a new round of commotion met my ears. Everyone started to trickle out of the back of the house then, Damon at the front of the little mob with Emmett and Edward right behind him. Alice wasn't too far away, her hand clenched around Draven's arm as I started the car and roughly backed my car out. I didn't care or pay any attention to the damp grass that spewed out from underneath my tires. I just focused on the raw power beneath my fingertips, the source of my freedom.

Never, in all the months since Jasper had walked away from me, did I think that he would ever talk bad about me. Sure, we hadn't exactly had what could be called a mutual breakup, but it wasn't some malicious fight that turned us against one another. I'd simply kept my distance and refused to let anyone see me as the jilted one in our breakup of sorts. But apparently I was the only one holding to that mantra. It hurt to think about him possibly laying in bed with Miranda and telling her about our past. Completely forgetting what we once were to each other. All so he could badmouth me and find some sort of reassurance to assauge his guilt for ever speaking ill of me in the first place.

As I cleared the house and started down the tree-lined driveway, I noticed several things through the rearview mirror. The first being the tall, lean body throwing himself into the black Ferrari and bringing the engine to a ferocious roar of life. The second being the gathering that was now on the porch. I couldn't make out any specific body, they were all grouped too closely together. I just pushed my foot harder onto the gas pedal, flattening against the back of my seat when the engine picked up and lurched forward violently.

I wasn't entirely sure how I did it, but I somehow managed to get the car onto the road and keep it there. My speed was growing more and more by the second, but I couldn't force myself to slow down. I wasn't far enough away from the house, there wasn't enough distance between me and the pain I'd run out of the house to avoid. Pain that had been unleashed by one, nasally malicious voice. A voice I seriously hoped to never hear again in my lifetime.

The rain was pelting my car mercilessly as I drove into downtown Forks, the new addition of traffic causing me to jerk my foot over to the brake. I noticed the sleek car in my rearview mirror and found myself relaxing at the sight behind me. Even though it was Damon, I didn't care. As long as it wasn't Jasper or any other member of my family, I didn't care. I couldn't face them. Not after what had just happened in my bedroom.

I didn't want to have to be dealing with all of this! Yes, I was insanely hurt by the fact that he was still with her. Yes, I wanted to be in her shoes, to have that title. But yet, I was also finding myself drawn to Damon. A stranger that had appeared out of nowhere and showed me two very different sides to his personality. But I couldn't bring myself to lay down my defences. I kept letting him in only to push him away again at the first sign of an excuse.

And I had no idea why I was doing it! Why or how I'd somehow entangled Damon Spencer into this weird push-pull magnatism that I just couldn't shut off. I wanted to be with him, I couldn't keep deluding myself anymore. But was it really far to relent, to let myself give into him? And would it be because I actually _wanted_ to build something with him, or was I just settling because I couldn't have Jasper? Was he who I really wanted and I just wasn't fighting hard enough? Or fighting back at all.

A tiny cry of frustration burst past my lips as I slammed my closed fist into the steering wheel. Eventually, I pulled off Main Street and slowed the car into a space at the school. How I'd gotten here, I didn't know. I hadn't exactly been paying attention after I manuevered my car onto the road. Pulling the key from the ignition, I clenched my eyes shut and threw the keyring as far away from me as possible, more tears sliding faster and faster down my cheeks. My skin felt flushed and I couldn't stop my shoulders as they shook from the sobs threatening to escape. I didn't want to cry about this, I absolutely _refused_ to. But the betrayal and hurt was still too fresh for me to outrun. The images of Jasper kissing me so urgently, desperately and hungrily were tearing at the tenious amount of concentration left to me.

Damon appeared on the driver's side and jerked the door open. I'd been so sure that I had locked the doors before setting out. He didn't say anything as he grabbed my arm and unceremoniously pulled me out of the car. I started fighting then, balling both fists up and ramming them into his chest as hard as I could. With my eyes still clenched shut, I had no idea where the punchs connected. I heard him grunt and cuss under his breath once and realized dimly that I'd hit something I wasn't supposed to. My body had also begun to curl in on itself, twisting and coiling in hopes of breaking the pressure of his hands around my arms.

"Let me go!" I finally screamed, my voice at top volume as I wrenched my eyes open to stare up at him. "Why can't you just _leave me alone_?!"

"Baylee, stop." He commanded gently, his voice a striking contrast against the strength of his grip. "You're going to hurt yourself, stop fighting me."

"No!" I shouted, continuing to hurl my words blindly as I struggled to get away from him. "I don't want you! I've never wanted you. I don't feel a single thing when I'm with you. Why can't you just get that through your thick skull and leave me alone! You think you're so smug, don't you? That you have all the answers and power to get to me. You don't! I swear to God, you don't!" As soon as the words burst past my lips in a fury of anger, I realized that I was only saying them because I wanted to inflict pain. I wanted to unleash everything I was feeling onto someone else, not caring who. I just needed _someone_ to drag down to the level I was at in hopes of escaping everything hitting me over and over, thanks to the words still in my head.

I stopped struggling the second Damon's hands left my body. My head stayed bent, almost as if I was afraid to look up and see the physical damage of my words. A tiny voice in the back of my head began to scream at me, to violently demand that I start apologizing. To tell the impossibly gorgeous man standing in front of me that I hadn't meant a single word I'd just said.

But there was the problem. I _did_ mean them, I meant them to be weapons that could inflict damage and torture. But not on Damon. He was just in the direct line of fire, the one being beaten on because he'd come after me. Because of that one call in judgement, in his obvious desire to see if I was okay and help me deal with the aftermath of the scene in my bedroom, _he_ was the one I was lashing out at.

Damon stood perfectly still, his hands hanging limp at his sides as he stared down at me. I suddenly wanted him to say something, anything. I wanted him to scream and yell at me, to force me to take my words back and not accept the fact that I was pushing him away yet again. But he didn't. He just stood there, staring at me with an expression void of all emotion on his face. His eyes were striking in the fading light that was giving up it's struggle to peek out from beneath the rain clouds that constantly drifted over Forks. They were hard, almost resembling frozen circles of water against a white backdrop.

A weird sound ripped it's way up my throat as he turned and started to walk back over to his car, his pace untroubled and unaffected by the words I'd slung at him. If I'd actually succeeded in hurting him, I didn't know. Nothing gave him away, he was shut down.

"Damon!" I shrieked before I could stop myself, one arm extended in a futile attempt to pull him back to me. I had no idea why the desire to keep him from leaving gripped me so suddenly and resolutely. He had no reason to stop and turn around, but he did. He looked curiously impassive as he took a step back toward me, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. "I'm sorry." I rushed out in a quiet whisper, almost afraid that the light gust of wind would keep my apology from his ears.

He just shrugged, still looking like he had no cares in the world. But he took another step toward me. "I'm not going to presume to know what happened between you and Jasper. But I'm not stupid. Or blind. He means something to you, I can tell just by the way you reacted to that girl's words. But I'm not going to be a second choice for you, Baylee. And I can't let you keep pushing me back and pulling me back in whenever the mood strikes you. Either you let me in and give me a place in your life, or you tell me to take a hike and actually _mean_ it."

Swallowing thickly, I could only nod and look down at my sneakers. He was right, of course he was right. It wasn't fair to him, what I was doing. And I'd thought that I had made such progress since Jasper left for college! But every single time he came home, usually with Miranda attached to his hip, it felt like I was thrown right back into some vicious riptide that wouldn't let go. Seeing him again was like ripping old wound open again while more were scratched into the surface nearby. I didn't know how to pull myself out of the deep pit Jasper seemed to unknowingly throw me in every single time he came home.

"I wish I knew what to say." I finally admitted and forced my head to lift so I could look him in the eye. The hand I'd unconsciously stretched toward him fell to my side with a light thump as my fingers grazed the jeaned fabric stretched over my thigh. "I didn't mean to react this way, and I had no idea this would happen. Hell, I didn't even know he'd be coming home for something as _stupid_ as Valentine's Day. But everytime he does come home, I feel like I'm getting sucked into this deep pit where I revert back to a girl I just don't want to be."

"Then stop!" He announced so violently that I actually shrank back a little when he advanced on me. "Stop giving him that power over you, Baylee. Do you really think that he cares what kind of pain he inflicts on you? Or what it does to you when he's with that girl of his? He didn't rush to your defence back there, and he didn't make a single move to come and make sure you didn't hurt yourself. _I_ did, Baylee. I'm the one standing in front of you, wanting you to let me in just a little bit. You don't have to break all those barriers and defences down for me, I don't exect that. But damnit! Give me something here, give me a break."

"Stop." I choked on the word as it passed my lips and looked away as more tears began to fill my lower lid. "Don't make this into a competition. You just said it yourself, you don't know what kind of history Jasper and I have."

He sighed and I looked over just in time to see his shoulders drop in defeat. "I'm not making this into a contest. I'm just trying to show you what's right in front of you. He values that girl more than you, more than whatever history you have between you. That apparently means nothing to him. But it means everything to you and that's the one surefire way for his girlfriend to attack you like she did."

My eyes involuntarily jerked up to meet his and he sighed as he leaned against the back fender of my car. "Baylee, tell me what's happened between you and him. I think I deserve to know if I'm to have any kind of place in your life."

Sighing, I angled away from him as I swiped a hand through my hair. "Jasper and I tried to date over the summer, but it didn't work out. Before I came to live with the Cullens, I hadn't seen him since I was eight years old. I grew up with him in Texas." I admitted pathetically, my shoulder lifting to further prove my point. "It's because of him that I was even taken in by the family. Our fathers, his and my biological dad were best friends when we were kids and drafted this agreement when my mom had me. His parents became my godparents and were supposed to take care of me if anything happened to my parents. The same with Jasper, he was to be taken in by my family if his died. But they went a step beyond that and extended the agreement to say that if all parents were dead, whoever took in one of us that the other would be taken in as well in the event of foster care being needed. Basically, when my parents died, Jasper was already with Esme and Carlisle. They agreed to honor the will and took me in too. All because of an agreement made between friends."

"Sounds...confusing." Damon confessed with a small look of distain.

"It is." I agreed with a sigh and a nod. "But he's also the only person I've ever told everything to. He knows all about my homelife, the fire that killed my parents and scarred my back up. He's even the first person I willingly showed them all to. _That's_ how important he used to be to me."

"So what happened? Why all the drama and angst? How did it all fall apart, Baylee?"

"I'd like to think it's because he just couldn't give me enough time to adjust, but that's me lying to myself. The simple truth of it is he didn't want me. So he found someone he did want. Coincidentally she looks like a freakin' supermodel but that's just added salt to an already raw wound." I shrugged again then stepped back when he straightened up. "But I can't compete with girls like that." I sighed, my shoulders dropping as my head fell back slightly. "I won't. They're beautiful and while I don't think I'm bad looking, I'll never be as carefree as they are. I'm too damaged and guys just don't find girls like me attractive."

A weird sound passed Damon's lips, like he was unsucessfully trying to swallow it back. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Baylee." Then, before I could say or do anything, he had me by the shoulders. My eyes clenched shut as he yanked me up against him and pressed his lips to mine. For a brief second, I felt frozen. I couldn't move, I couldn't even think of a way to react.

But he didn't let me go. His hand moved from my shoulder to cup my cheek as his other hand molded underneath my other ear. That pushed me into action and as I reached out to hold onto his hips, I felt my lips parting against his. The tip of his tongue slid agonizingly slow across my lower lip, sending chills through me as I pressed myself even closer to him.

I hadn't kissed many boys in the span of my life. There only two on that list now, Jasper and Damon. But there was an intensity in Damon's kiss that hadn't existed with Jasper. His had been a simple, naked yearning for all the things I wanted with him. The things we could've had in better circumstances. If he had been willing to wait longer, if I wasn't so mentally screwed up that I had no idea how to function in a normal, healthy relationship.

But what if everything Damon had said was true? What if I just caved and let him prove it all to me? Would things be different with him? Would he give me the time and space I needed to adjust to the changes of being romantically involved with someone? Someone I hadn't grown up with, who didn't know how and where I recieved every single scar and imperfection on my body.

A quiet sigh flowed from me and into him as our tongues met for the very first time. The taste of his tongue invaded my senses, along with the scent of his body wash and light splash of cologne. My body felt like a giant livewire that had just been hit with a jolt of electricity that had nowhere to go. But yet I couldn't pull myself away from him, not even when our kisses became so desperate and hungry that my lungs began to ache for air.

He was the one to pull away, lightly trapping my lower lip between his teeth before letting go slowly. My eyes slid open as he rested his forehead against mine and his thumbs lightly swept over the apple of my cheeks.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that. But I won't do it again until I'm absolutely sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm the person you want to be with. I refuse to kiss you again until you've completely and fully gotten over _him._"


	15. Figure09

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**__: I'm so sorry for the lack of updates on my stories! At the beginning of November, my husband graduated from his tech school and was given his first living assignment. Which meant I had to move both of our lives down to our new home. Things are finally calming down, which means I now have more time to dedicate to my stories. Thank you so much for being patient with me, I hope the next few chapters do the wait justice. I originally had this chapter done before the move, but I had to convince myself this was the direction I wanted to go in. So! Enjoy more angst, this chapter was inspired by another LP song. I also hope everyone who gets to see New Moon this weekend enjoys the heck outta the next installment!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just having some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: FIGURE.09 - LINKIN PARK**

_"Everything comes down to memories of you. I let you go so get away from me. Give me my space back, you gotta just go. Everything comes down to memories of you. I kept it in by now I'm letting you know. I let you go. And then, you've become a part of me. You'll always be right here, you'll always be my fear. I can't separate myself from what I've done. Giving up a part of me."_

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**Chapter Fifteen:**

As much as I didn't want to, I eventually left the school parking lot and went home. Of course, as soon as I hit the door, I had people swarming me. Damon had already swung by and took Draven home, much to Alice's dismay. She'd wanted him to stay, I could tell that the first time I looked at her face when I walked into the house. But the disruption with Miranda and Jasper had thrown the rest of the day's events into a tailspin.

I could feel my energy draining as Alice tucked her arms around mine and led me over to the couch, plopping down right beside me as Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward crowded around me. Esme and Carlisle stayed a respectful distance back, but showed their concern clearly on their faces.

"How're you feeling?" Edward asked, kneeling in front of me with his hand on my knee. I just shrugged in response, honestly feeling too confused to answer him properly.

"I think Baylee and Jasper need to sit down, privately, and talk." Carlisle announced suddenly, making it no secret how he felt about having to say this. I winced at his words then looked up to see his apologetic stare. "It's the only way to solve everything. You know it's gone too far out of control and I'm sorry, but I won't sit by and continue to let this happen. I refuse to stand by and allow you two to keep ripping each other apart."

"I'm sorry." I muttered and looked down as I slowly climbed to my feet. "But I don't think Jasper and I will be able to have a civilized conversation. And I can't bring myself to approach him about it. It hurts too much. So..." Sighing, I squared my shoulders and looked up in determination. "I think the only solution now is for me to move out. I can't keep putting your family through this. It's not fair and I don't want them to feel like they have to take sides between me and a boy they grew up with. It's not fair, any of it and this outcome...it's the one thing I'd hoped wouldn't happen."

"No." Carlisle's voice was firm as he came up and laid his hand on my shoulder. "You are _not_ moving out of this house. That's not an option. It's not going to solve anything and we consider you just as much a part of this family as we view Jasper. You're our daughter, Baylee."

"Carlisle's right, honey." Esme broke in, tears spilling from her eyes as she came up on my other side and wrapped her arm around my waist. "You leaving is only going to put more of a strain on something that might be mendable."

"It's not." I muttered, the words strangled as I shook my head slowly. "I can't talk to him and I'm sure everyone's already told you what Miranda said to make me leave. He doesn't want to be anywhere _near_ me."

"I don't believe that for a second." Esme declared just as Alice shot up and started to stalk past me. I could only stare at her blankly in shock as she marched up the stairs and disappeared off the second floor landing. I shot into action then, gently pushing past my guardians to follow her. I caught her just as she reached Jasper's closed door.

"Alice, don't!" I rushed out and grabbed her arm right as she flung his bedroom door open and stepped inside. Jasper and Miranda, who were on opposite sides of the room, jumped to their feet.

I wanted to shrink back from the heated glare on Miranda's face, knowing that we'd probably just barged in on them fighting. But there was no stopping Alice, I realized belatedly. She was on a mission and there was never anything that could stop Alice Cullen when she got like this.

"Miranda, you need to leave the room. Leave the house if you want. But it's about time that Jasper and Baylee sat down and talked. With no one else around to hear them. You did a lot of damage today and I refuse to sit by and let Baylee's only option boil down to her feeling like she has to leave the house in order to keep peace among our family."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Miranda announced and straightened her spine defiantly. "As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing for them to talk about. Jasper doesn't want to have anything to do with her, it's not my fault that she can't accept that and keeps throwing herself into situations where he feels like he has to come in and save her."

"Let him tell me." I muttered, drawing the attention from all three people in the room. But my eyes were fixed on Jasper, who was staring at me with wide, expressionless eyes. "Let _him_ tell me that he doesn't want to be anywhere near me. And if he does, then I'll disappear. I'll never step foot into this room again or any other room that he's in for the rest of his natural life." I sighed and finally fixed my gaze on the tall blonde trying to intimidate me and Alice out of the room. "But he has to be the one to tell me. I don't give a damn what you want, don't want, or think should happen here. This has nothing to do with you. All of this happened long before you showed up and started to shove your relationship down this family's throats. I tried to be nice to you, I tried to stay out of your way and work my issues out myself. Hell, I thought I was over all of this before you showed up and started to dredge up a past you know absolutely nothing about. But the only person who can keep this conversation from happening isn't you. So I suggest you back the hell up and stay out of it."

"Why should I?" She suddenly screeched and advanced on me. "So you can steal him from me?! I don't think so, you pathetic excuse for a woman. And do you really think you _could_ get him back? Look at yourself, you're hideous. No one can stand to look at you. It's no wonder he dumped you on your ass and came to me. Do you know that he didn't mention you once until we got ready to come down for Christmas? _That's_ how much you mean to him. You're the one still holding onto something that was over a long time ago. Probably before it even started! Not that I blame him, how could anyone want to have any type of romantic relationship with _you_?"

I felt Alice start to move beside me and quickly jerked her back before she could do anything to Miranda. I wanted to punch her, to pull my fist back and connect with her mouth. I wanted to dislodge every single perfect white tooth from her head. But I didn't. I forced my muscles to lock so I could stay in place. Jasper didn't move from his place in front of his computer desk, just staring at the two of us in shock. I wasn't even sure if he could properly remember how to speak, he looked so shell-shocked.

"You have two seconds to get out of my face." I finally said, my voice flat but even as I stared up at her.

"Or what?" She sneered and leaned even closer to me. "You won't do a thing to me, and we both know it."

"Really?" I asked, breathless in surprise. "Okay, you have two choices. Either you leave the room so Jasper and I can talk. Or I'll leave the room and you can ask him about that night during Christmas break when you hung out in town while he stayed behind. Your choice but either way, get out of my face before I take a page from my stepfather's book and knock your teeth down your throat. I grew up in a violent home, I have no problem reverting back to it."

That seemed to pull Miranda up short. She actually straightened up and took a step back after my threat, which was really more of a promise than anything. She looked from Jasper, to me, then back again. I could see she was clearly torn and hated that I'd broken a promise I'd made to myself. I'd had every intention of pretending that the last night between me and Jasper had never happened. I had no intentions of telling anyone, especially Miranda because I'd actually respected their relationship, that I'd let him kiss me while he belonged to someone else.

But she'd pushed me to my breaking point twice in one day and I was tired of being the good little girl. The victim that everyone picked on time and time again. I was sick of the secrets and having to feel like I needed to skirt around in my own home just because Jasper happened to be visiting. It had to stop, I was sick and tired of feeling so mentally beat down.

Miranda seemed to make her choice and turned to face her boyfriend. His face had relaxed into a serene mask I remembered from whenever he was mad but refused to acknowledge the emotion. I just couldn't tell who he was mad at; me or her.

"I don't want to talk to you." He finally spoke, his voice clear and emotionless as his eyes trained on Miranda's face. "She was telling the truth when she said that I can't stand to be in the same room as you anymore. And you were right when you told me that I didn't want you."

His words felt like a direct blow to the stomach. I actually felt winded as I stared at him in shock. Part of me had expected this, to have him side with her like he had countless times before against me. Alice tensed beside me and reached down to grab my wrist in case I decided to move closer to him.

But I didn't move. I couldn't. My feet felt like someone had just come up behind me and superglued the soles of my shoes to the plush carpeting. Even without Alice restraining me as discreetly as she was, I wouldn't have moved. All of the anger and hatred...hell all the emotions I was feeling right then just seemed to drain out of me, leaving me completely numb as I stared at Jasper. He still refused to look directly at me, instead focusing on anything but the space of his room I was taking up. Finally, I found my voice and nodded slowly as I gently pulled myself from Alice's grip. "All I needed to hear."

As I turned to leave the room, I vaguely noticed Jasper flinch when he heard the tone of my voice. I didn't even sound like myself! Whenever I was mad or extremely hurt, my voice cracked with everything rolling around inside of me. Usually, the one way I could unleash my emotions was through my vocal chords. But this time? This time I just sounded empty, like there was nothing left inside of me to project into my words. I was numb, a weird sort of fogginess setting into my limbs as Jasper did the one thing I never thought he'd do.

Yes, I knew that he had a knack for sidding with his girlfriend, even when it was probably the last thing in the world he _should _do. But then again, she was his girlfriend. I wasn't. I'd been robbed of that title before I ever even knew what to do with it, or how to properly appreciate it.

I could feel eyes on me as I slowly decended the stairs and turned toward the left once I'd reached the living room. Everyone else was just how I'd left them, minus Esme and Carlisle. Her eyes were already swimming with tears desperate to break free. That was a sight I'd hated to see from the moment this woman stepped into my life. I'd never thought that she was trying to take my own mother's place, she'd just carved a whole other niche for herself. She was the next best thing as far as I was concerned and that made seeing her about to cry just as difficult as when I used to see my biological mother cry.

"He doesn't want to talk. I'm sorry." I stated evenly, my voice falling woodenly off my lips. I still sounded numb, hollowed out as if I'd left all my insides on Jasper's bedroom floor. Esme caught the unwanted tenor in my voice and practically flew across the room, her arms wrapping around my shoulders before I could get a real sense of everyone's movements. Rosalie was right behind her, looking sad and majorly pissed off.

"There's absolutely no reason to apologize." Esme responded quietly and pulled back to hold me at arm's length. I chanced a glance at my pissed blonde sister and raised an eyebrow slightly. I could practically _see_ the wheels turning in her head.

"Rose, I love you, but don't." I warned, knowing exactly what the look on her face meant. She wanted to go upstairs and beat Jasper...or probably Miranda, across the entire house and back again. "Going up there and hurting either one of them isn't going to solve a damn thing."

"It won't." She reasoned, but still looked way too pissed as she shrugged off my words. How was it possible that she was more emotional about this than I was? Didn't make sense. "But it'll make me feel better and come on, think of how awesome it would look to see Miranda sprawled out on the ground, bleeding from a broken nose sure to distort that face she cares about so much."

"Rosalie." Esme cut in before I could say anything, her voice strong and thick with an implied warning. "There will be no such thing happening in this house. I thought I raised you better than that."

For a second, the perfect blonde in front of me looked ashamed that she'd upset our motherly figure, then a sly little grin fixed on her face as she tilted her head slightly. "You did, but you also taught me that if I make a mess, clean it up. I'll totally handle it!"

In spite of myself and everything that had just happened upstairs, I started laughing. I couldn't help it, the mental images that accompanied Rose's words were just too powerful to ignore. I'd never really thought that, when I first moved in with the Cullens, that Rosalie Hale would be so willing to stand up for me. Sure, I'd hoped for it since she was scary as hell, but to actually have it happen now? It was a little surreal and probably a chief reason why I was laughing as much as I was.

I'd even doubled over, hands on my knees as my body shook with wild peals of laughter. If I'd been able to look up, I could've seen the expression that accompanied Rosalie's next choice of words. "I seriously think she's lost it. The strain has just broken her."

"Stop." I sighed, forcing myself to stop laughing long enough to at least catch my breath. My lungs felt way too tight inside my chest and there were actual tears in my eyes. But just as I stood, I turned to find two bodies slowly decending the stairs. Miranda didn't look the least bit phased as she sashayed down the stairs, but Jasper's eyes stayed locked on the carpet as she practically dragged him down the stairs.

Whatever remaining laughter I had filling my throat dissipated instantly when their feet fell off the final stair and they came to a stop directly in front of me. Of course, Esme, Rosalie, and I were blocking their exit. Alice and Emmett had even come up behind my maternal guardian and foster sister while I bent over laughing.

"Oh look." I muttered, my voice turning to lead on my tongue as I tilted my head slightly to stare pointedly at Jasper. "You're in the same room as me." My eyes widened in faux surprise before locking on Miranda's hateful stare. "Better grab his leash and wrench him back before he can get too far out of your control."

This time, Rosalie was the one to laugh her perfect ass off. Her head fell back and blonde curls shook over the shoulders of her fitted sweater. I felt Esme's arm wrap protectively around my shoulders and made no move to shrug her off. I needed that silent support right then, no matter how I sounded or looked right then. I wasn't numb anymore, like I had been up in his room. Now I was pissed and wanted to inflict as much damage on the face I'd dreamed about for so long as I could.

"Too bad your mother never taught you just how ugly jealousy can make a girl." Miranda sneered then feigned surprise, complete with slapping her free hand over her chest. "Oh wait, too late for that!"

"Enough!" Carlisle's voice was calm, but rang with the kind of authority that no one could overlook or refute. He came down the stairs behind his son and unwanted houseguest, his eyes locked on me as he moved around the pair and started to gently guide his wife from my side. "This has gone on long enough. I'm putting my foot down, I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my house any longer."

Oh boy. I'd never really seen Carlisle angry before and had even wondered if this kind, gentle man was capable of such emotion. But he definitely was and I had a ringside seat to view it all! His face was a stony mask, held together perfectly by years of patience and practice. But his eyes gave him away, they had darkened slightly and were practically smoldering with unshed anger.

"She started it!" Miranda was the first one to break the silence, shooting an accusitory finger in my direction as she shrieked at Carlisle.

He looked at her as if she wasn't even there, his eyes moving from Jasper, to me, then onto our converged family. "I want Baylee and Jasper in my office. Now. No one else and I will be locking the door." That time, as he turned to head back upstairs, he looked at Miranda. An involuntary shiver coiled through my body when I saw the look on his face, as if he was silently daring her to try and throw her weight around with him. I'd really only seen one man in my entire life that was itching for a fight. Carlisle Cullen looked like he wanted nothing more than to throw the plastic little blonde his son deemed his girlfriend out of his house.

The last thing in the world I wanted to do was willingly lock myself up in a room with Jasper again, especially after what had happened in his bedroom. But I had no choice. It was as Carlisle had said, he was putting his foot down and no one got a say in things when he did that.

We were going to work this out, tonight, whether we wanted to or not. I had no idea how this was going to turn out, but I was sure of one thing: Carlisle wasn't going to let us out of that room until some kind of understanding was reached.

As soon as Jasper and I walked through the door of Carlisle's office; our fatherly figured turned, told us to work it out, then closed the door. In the silence, we could hear the lock being thrown.

The very last thing in the world I wanted to have happen and I was now staring it in the face.

Jasper didn't even look at me as he stood right in front of the door, as if he was expecting Carlisle to suddenly change his mind and come back for us. It wasn't going to happen, we both knew that. But I seemed to be the only one able to move. My feet seemed to be on the same page as my brain, carrying me as far away from where Jasper stood as possible in the limited space.

"I can't believe he's doing this." He growled so suddenly that I had to whirl around to look at him and make sure he was _actually_ speaking. My eyes widened involuntarily before I shook my head back and forth slowly.

"You can't be serious right now." I breathed and wrapped my arms across my chest, letting my head fall back for a second before I turned and plopped into the beloved leather chair I always occupied whenever I came up to talk to Carlisle.

"What?" He sounded shocked as he turned his head to look at me. "Carlisle has never stepped in like this before."

"Is it any wonder why he has now!?" I shot out before I could really help myself, my voice and body portraying two different emotions as I stretched out to get comfortable. But I sounded pissed. "Jasper, we're acting like kids and you know it! You've let that girl completely take over! It's not just your life she's puppet-stringing now, it's how you think and react around them! Carlisle has probably picked up on it and wants it to stop."

"I'm a grown man." He growled and threw himself onto the floor a foot away from where I was sitting.

"Then act like it for crying out loud!" I suddenly shouted as both of my feet landed on the floor and I leaned over onto my knees. "Are you seriously proud of yourself and the behaviour you've been exibiting the past few months? Because if you are, then I'll get Carlisle back in here and all this will be over with."

"Should've known." He muttered and snorted back a laugh as he fell onto his back.

"Don't." I warned and stood. Walking over to him wasn't exactly part of the game plan, but I had both of my feet planted on either side of his hips before I could really stop myself. "Don't even _think_ about insinuating I got Carlisle to do this on my behalf. I can't stand the sight of you right now!"

"Oh." He scoffed and sat up on his elbows, one sandy eyebrow raised against his piercing eyes. Eyes that were just a smidge lighter than the eyes I suddenly found myself _wanting_ to look into. "You're not exactly innocent in all of this either! Do you really think you're fooling anyone with that idiot you've paraded around with for weeks now? No one believes you're actually interested in that douchebag."

"I'm not having this conversation with you." I reasoned, doing my best to sound and stay calm. I even sat back down in my favorite chair so I wouldn't risk going into a violent rage. Damaging Carlisle's office was totally unacceptable.

"Why not?" Jasper was hell bent on getting me to talk! My eyes rolled in their sockets before landing on him as he eased his long, lean body into a more favorable position: knees bent toward his chest with his arms wrapped around his kneecaps. "We used to talk about everything, remember? I never thought you'd be the kind of girl to hide from the truth."

"And what is the truth?" I asked and threw him a sharp look. "Exactly. Cause all I see right now is you gearing up for a jealous little fit."

"I'm not jealous." He laughed and pitched back to rest his upper body on his hands. "I have nothing to be jealous about with that guy."

"Then why do you care so much?" I asked, priding myself on how nonchalant I sounded. "If you don't care about the dude, then why bring him up at all? Or are you already forgetting what you said just five minutes ago in your bedroom?" I could feel anger boiling beneath my skin again and stood as it began to slowly ebb away my restraint. I'd had enough of his crap, plain and simple. "Let's get one thing straight, right here and now Jasper Hale." I started, my voice low and threatening as I knelt down beside him, my hands curled into fists around my knees. "What I do with my life now is none of your business. Who I decide to spend time with doesn't concern you anymore. You accomplished that when you walked away from me without so much as a goodbye when summer ended. So don't think that you get a say now just because I happen to be picking my life back up. _Without you_. And you're right, I used to be able to talk to you about anything." I would give him that. Talking to Jasper had been as easy as breathing, once upon a time. But the times were so vastly different now, he wasn't the same person anymore. Not by a longshot.

"I used to think that nothing would change you." I admitted after a few beats of silence, earning a genuine look of shock from Jasper as I eased my weight back then sat in almost the exact same position he was in, except I kept my arms curled around my legs. Probably so I couldn't hit him. "That you would always be the kid I grew up with. That sweet, but shy boy that was so loyal and rock solid. That guy that saved my life probably more times than he was aware of back then. But you did change." I admitted with a heavy sigh and looked down at the top of my shoes. "What surprises me is that it wasn't your parents dying, or you relocating and being adopted by the Cullens. It was a girl." I laughed the last statement out, utterly flaberghasted that I was believing the words passing my lips!

Jasper's lips parted in preparation to say something, to offer some kind of retort or insight. I honestly had no idea what he would say, or if I even wanted to hear it. But when he finally did speak, it was as if all the air had been pushed right out of my lungs, this room, and the entire house.

"That's what happens when you get the one thing you've always wanted, but didn't know how to hold onto it."


	16. Cut

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another chapter! I really recommend this chapter's song and encourage you guys to listen to it while reading. If you can. Enjoy and thanks so much for reading. Warning now, this chapter is rated a strong __**R**__ for...well you know. If you're offended by mature material, then just wait for the next chapter kiddos. This was bound to happen, I'm just surprised it's turning out the way it has. Also feeling the need to apologize since I'm pretty sure this is the third longest chapter to date._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I just take credit for the originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: CUT - PLUMB**

_"With crippled anger and tears that still drip sore, a fragile flame aged with misery. And when our hearts meet, I know you see. I do not want to be afraid. I do not want to die inside just to breathe in. I'm tired of feeling so numb. Relief exists I find it when I am cut. I may seem crazy, or painfully shy. And these scars wouldn't be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye. I feel alone here and cold here, though I don't want to die. But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside."_

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**Chapter Sixteen:**

As soon as Valentine's Day came and went, I had a whole new set of worries to consider. The weekend I was supposed to be spending with Damon in Seattle approached way too fast for my liking and all too soon, I awoke to Carlisle smiling patiently from my bedroom door.

"Better get a move on." He announced clearly and gently yanked at the comforter practically falling off one corner of my bed. The square I'd been holding onto for dear life budged a little then slid down to my waist in a truly traitorous fashion.

"No wanna." I muttered and rolled from my left side, onto my right. I knew Carlisle was right though. Damon had called the night before and said he would be at my house promptly at eight am. After my siblings had already left for school. Esme and Carlisle decided that I could miss Friday and the following Monday, so that we wouldn't have to rush back just so I'd sit in classes all day. They wanted me to just focus on the weekend and have fun doing whatever it is set up for me.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was oddly looking forward to taking this trip with Damon. I had no idea why, maybe because he was the only guy outside of my family that I didn't have all sorts of crazy drama with. But as soon as I remembered the kiss he'd planted on me not too long ago, with the solemn vow that he wouldn't do it again any time soon, I wanted to groan and hide my face in the pillow. But Carlisle was persistant.

Eventually, I got out of bed then took a shower and got dressed. Since I would be in the car for at least four hours, I didn't do anything too fancy with my appearance. No makeup with my hair pulled back. It had finally reached the middle of the back of my neck and I was able to do more with it. Pretty soon, it would be down to my shoulders and I honestly couldn't wait until that happened.

Just thinking about something as simple as my hair made me want to laugh, shaking my head as I put the finshing touches on the messy pigtails I'd created then headed into the living room. Alice and Esme had taken it upon themselves to pack for me. Well, it'd actually been Alice but Esme had moved the dark blue duffel over by the door so I could just grab it and go when Damon arrived.

I'd expected to have a few minutes to myself once I was all set to go, since everyone was at school with only Esme and Carlisle home. He was planning on leaving for the hospital once I was on my way and I was a little thankful for that. All of this seemed a little less daunting somehow. But when I walked into the living room and found Esme chattering happily with Damon, I winced and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, I thought Carlisle woke me up in plenty of time." I admitted quietly, still looking a little ashamed as Damon rose and smiled crookedly.

"No worries." He shrugged, the sides of his open leather jacket sliding teasingly over the front of his plain black tee shirt. I was really starting to wonder if this boy knew other colors existed! "I actually just got here." He went on, pulling me out of my thoughts of his wardrobe. Strangely, I felt like Alice right then and mentally cursed the girl. She was seriously rubbing off on me! Something I would never tell her since I knew there would be no end to her using that against me.

"Are you ready?" I asked and moved to grab my beloved jacket from where it hung in the foyer. Alice had insisted on picking out my clothes for the day and I indulged her, like I usually did when it came to fashion. It just wasn't enough for her to dress herself, especially now that Rosalie was off at school. She didn't have her shopping buddy close at hand anymore and I hated seeing her so upset about not having anyone to share her love with.

"Sure." He nodded and smiled gratefully at Esme as she rose from the couch. "Thank you for the little care package."

"Care package?" I asked then noticed the small bundle at Damon's feet. A deep plastic container filled to the brim with some kind of food as well as a cooler and plastic bag of chips were collected and I grabbed my bag once I had my jacket on over the camisole and overshirt combo Alice loved to pick out for me. Thankfully she'd put me in jeans instead of one of the billion skirts she'd stocked my closet with. Damon joined me at the door, balancing his load perfectly before reaching out to gently snatch my bag from me.

"I got it." He whispered and nodded his head toward my waiting parents. "You'll need your arms free."

He was right there! I turned and quickly hugged my foster parents goodbye, feeling a weird tightness in my chest. This was technically the first time I would be traveling without any member of my family and it felt weird to be leaving them for the first time after coming to live here. My thoughts tried to stray to the last time I left the house, causing me to quickly slam them back. I _did not want_ to think about Jasper and our disasterous trip to Santa Cruz right then.

I hugged Esme first, smiling when she wished me good luck and stepped back to hug Carlisle. But her next request stopped me cold. "Please go and try to check in on Jasper? I know I'm asking a lot of you, but I do worry. Maybe things will be better for you two if you can have a moment where his girlfriend isn't around."

I swallowed thickly and nodded, but made no verbal aggrement to her request. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to seek Jasper out once we got to Seattle. I'd have time to do so, yeah, but to actually meet him on his own turf?

Carlisle hugged me goodbye then, thankfully saving me from having to say more to his impossibly hopeful wife. He also wished us luck and asked me to call him when we reached the hotel we'd be staying at. He'd gone above and beyond for us, already securing a reservation in our names for the weekend. We were both over the age of eighteen so spending a weekend alone in a hotel would be sort of easy. I wasn't a minor so there wasn't any real way Damon could get in trouble.

Damon didn't say anything as he popped the trunk on the car we'd be using for the weekend. Ferarris didn't really get good gas milage, he'd explained when we got together to plan the whole trip out. So we both decided it would probably be a better idea to use my car. My beloved Camaro was easier on trips than his was and it was more discreet. And since he knew where we'd be going better than I did, I handed the keys over without another word and slipped into the passenger seat. Once inside, I shed my jacket and curled a leg underneath me as Damon climbed in and started the engine.

"You sure you're comfortable with me driving your car?" He asked, looking at me as he began to carefully careen the vehicle around so we could leave the Cullens' property.

"I trust you." I nodded and settled back into my seat before connecting my iPod to the car's stereo. "Just remember the deal, I have full control over the stereo."

He laughed, which sounded curiously more like a groan than laughter and nodded. "Just take pity on me and remember that I brought my iPod too?"

"We'll see." I smiled in spite of myself and shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll probably consider yours once the battery on mine dies."

"That's the spirit!" He grinned brightly at me then settled in to start the long drive up to Seattle. It was oddly relaxing, being in the car with him and having only the stereo keeping silence at bay. There wasn't any tension or apprehension emanating off him, like I figured there would be. He also wasn't trying to fight for ways to fill the silence. He was just content to drive, honestly listening to the songs I'd dumped into the little device as he manuevered through traffic.

All too soon, we were on Highway 101, headed east toward Port Angeles. Damon started to fidget a little then once he was fully merged into traffic and kept stealing glances at me.

I looked up and frowned instantly when I saw the contemplative look on his features. "Okay, what's up?" I asked, eyeing him warily as he set the cruise control then relaxed further.

"Just trying to be respectful." He admitted and glanced over at me as he left one hand on the steering wheel and laid the other on his thigh. "But I've been dying to ask how you're doing."

I groaned and let my head fall back onto the seat behind me. "I knew he'd squeal." I sighed and shook my head before looking up at him. "Your brother told you about what happened with Jasper, didn't he?"

"He needed to talk to someone!" He sputtered, honestly looking a little ashamed that he'd brought this up. "Alice has been talking about it almost nonstop."

"I figured." I conceeded then laid my head back on the seat again. "I was honestly expecting you to ask so stop looking like I'm aiming a gun at your car, please?" I teased, even winking at him when he turned his head to look at me then sighed. "He just did what he's been doing since he started dating Miranda. I tried to talk to him and he just shut me out again."

"So what does that mean now?" He asked, glancing over at me as he tried to keep his tone impassively curious.

"It doesn't mean anything." I shrugged and looked over at him uncertainly. "He doesn't want to be anywhere near me, which makes Esme's request a little harder to accomplish. But really, what _can_ I do now? It's over and it's been over for a long time. Last weekend was just the final nail in a coffin that didn't need anymore nails."

Damon nodded, staring thoughtfully out through the windshield then surprisingly reached over and gently captured my hand in his. He brought our joined fingers up to his mouth and lightly kissed my knuckles before letting our hands rest on his thigh. A weird surge went through me then when I felt the rough denim of his jeans underneath my fingers. His leg flexed and muscles flared up against my hand. Swallowing thickly, I had to look away and stared out through my own window as my mind began to run rampant with a million different mental images. Damon was built almost the exact same way Jasper was, give or take a few minor details. But both seemed to be impossibly fit. I'd never really seen the guy sitting next to me shirtless and I had to wonder if this weekend would change that. What pieces of Damon Spencer's personality was I going to be privy to this weekend?

"You okay?" His voice, soft and warm yet deep, brought me back to reality and I looked over at him again. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." I admitted and swallowed another invisible lump that had formed in my throat. "I was just...thinking."

"About Jasper." He sighed then, sounding like I'd just offended him a little more than he liked. I frowned and immediately tried to pull my hand away. But Damon didn't budge. He held onto me and glanced at me again as he continued to zoom down the highway. "Baylee, it's okay if you are. Hell I brought him up! I expected your thoughts to go there, I was just....."

"Hoping they wouldn't." I supplied quietly in an almost child-like whisper. Clearing my throat, I felt my spine straighten a little as I lightly squeezed his hand. "I was actually thinking about you, not Jasper."

"Oh?" His eyebrow raised then and he risked a quick glance at me before cursing when a car unexpectly moved into our lane. "Asshole." He muttered darkly then let the mood vanish quickly. "What were you thinking about?"

"I'm not telling you that." I snapped out and returned my eyes to the window beside me. As anxious as I'd been for this weekend, even happy to have it arrive, I was really beginning to wonder what I'd just set myself up for. Three days with Damon, alone. Things were bound to change, I knew that. I'd be stupid if I thought otherwise.

But as we continued to move down the highway, I found myself wondering if I would be ready for these changes. Could I possibly just let go long enough to let life happen instead of worrying over it constantly? My past hadn't ever really supported such a carefree attitude, something I envied about my foster siblings. But there were still questions looming between us, and I had a feeling quite a few would be answered this weekend.

After all, how could I possibly keep myself hidden from this man when we were going to be volunteering together at a hospital's burn unit?

Silence loomed on from there and neither of us seemed all that anxious to break it. After a couple hours of driving, Damon pulled off the highway and stopped for food. As appetizing as Esme's cooking could be, I just didn't want to eat in the car. So her treats were saved for later and we went inside to grab fast food. Sitting down to eat was a little more awkward than the car ride had been and I wondered what had happened to change that. Was it the fact that Damon had brought Jasper up then hated the thought of me thinking about him? Then, when he found I was thinking of _him_ and not Jasper, what then? I refused to tell him the thoughts I'd entertained briefly and the agony I was trying not to drown in.

I didn't know how to talk to Damon about important things. I was too used to the superficial conversations and verbal sparring back and forth. This was new territory for me. Not just with Damon but in general. With Jasper, it'd been easy because of our history. After he remembered my place in his past, that is. But we'd already had the groundwork all laid out for us. That wasn't the case with Damon. We knew virtually nothing about each other, starting from scratch. And that was yet another thing I'd never experienced with a guy before.

Richardson hadn't really done much for my dating skills. I'd gone out on the occasional date just to piss off Brandon. But I usually ended up pissing my date off or exasperating him to the point of never wanting to be alone with me again for anything real to take root. Plus there'd been the hole that Jasper had left behind, that unrequited crush that hadn't been fulfilled until many years later. When it was too late for us to pick the pieces up and keep going.

Damon finished eating before I did and silently rose to throw his food away. I followed suit, itching to get back in the car so we could make it to Seattle on time. I didn't blink as I threw everything away then followed him outside. The silence clung to us even more as we resumed our path on the highway, which soon turned into 104 as we got closer to our destination.

It wasn't until we reached the hotel, checked in, and entered our room that the silence just got to be too much for me. That and there had been a glitch in our reservation. Instead of putting us in a room with two double beds, we'd been stuck in their own vacant room; a king sized bed that wasn't nearly wide enough for my taste.

"What a way to start a weekend." I muttered darkly and tossed my bag aside before I started to inspect our surroundings. Damon stayed where he was, facing the dark TV screen with one hand on top of the ancient black box and the other holding the remote.

A small grimace filled his face at my words but he made no other move than that. So I decided to just get comfortable. Or rather, as comfortable as I could given the tension that had sparked up during our ride. Shedding the almost transparent white button down I'd left open over a light pink tank top, I tossed it aside then turned to grab my cell phone. I placed a quick call to Carlisle, letting him know that we'd arrived safely and everything was fine. My parents didn't need to know that we'd been put in a room that he hadn't requested. Sometimes it was just better to lie, rather than worry the only people left on this earth that still cared about me.

Damon did the same thing, calling his father at work to let him know he was in Seattle and cool. We both set our cell phones down at almost the same time, which would have made me laugh if I wasn't so sick with anxiety.

He walked away and plopped down on the bed, stretching out on his back with one hand tucked under his head. The other, which was still holding the remote, turned on the TV and he began to flick through the channels. Completely oblivious to me and my presence. I was pretty certain that I could walk around naked, with a perfectly polished body and not raise any kind of reaction from him. He was that mentally detached.

So I just shook my head then bent to dig through my bag for the book I'd shoved inside. I pulled it out with ease then walked across the room to curl up in the plush-looking recliner that took up another section of the room. I kicked off my shoes then propped my feet up on the coffee table set between the chair and the wall, determined to lose myself in the book I was currently reading.

But when Damon unceremoniously flicked off the TV then stood over me, all hope of reading was lost. I looked up and swallowed reflexively when I saw the angry glint in his blue eyes. "How long do you think we can get away with ignoring each other before one of us explodes?"

I shrugged and set my book aside once I'd replaced the marker and clasped my hands over my stomach. "I'm not sure but judging by the look on your face, you're damn near close."

"I'm just trying to understand why Jasper still gets to you so damn much!" He nearly roared, his voice rising more than I'd expected it to as he paced away from me. His own shoes were kicked off before he yanked off his jacket and turned back to face me. "I know that I brought him up, and I'm still kicking myself in the ass for it. But honestly, I've been trying to understand it all for weeks now! To figure out if he's the reason you keep yourself so...locked up!"

"Why?" I blurted out and vaulted to my feet, my hands hanging limply at my sides. "Why is it so important for you to understand my _lack _of a relationship with Jasper?"

"Because I need to know if I'm wasting my time!" His words were quiet, but filled with such passion that I took an involuntary step back.

"What kind of time?" I asked quietly, dumbly, feeling my eyes round to the size of quarters as he slowly advanced on me. He looked like a dangerous predator right then, stalking his prey with no intention of letting them go free without some kind of justification. Immediately I envisioned Brandon doing the exact same thing to my mom and winced as I whirled to turn my back on him.

That brought him up short, so short that a gasp of surprise fell from his lips. But he reached out and gently pulled me around to face him. "Baylee...I wasn't going to hurt you. Why do you react that way to me sometimes?"

"I react that way to any aggression being aimed at me." I answered honestly, having to work to keep my defenses lowered so I could answer his questions the way he deserved them to be. "It's a product of being raised in an abusive household. Brandon used to walk toward my mom the same way you just were toward me. Whenever he was angry, he became downright scary and no time with the Cullens has been able to erase those memories."

He sighed then and gently pulled me to him. His arms enveloped me without my consent and I was momentarily shellshocked by the sudden switch of his emotions. How could any sane, _stable_ person go from extremely pissed to caring and compassionate as quickly as he could? And did he only do that with me, because I was so broken? Or was he this way with everyone else in his world?

There were just too many unanswered questions hanging over my head, but I was able to brush them all away and relaxed in Damon's embrace. My arms loosely circled his waist, which caused his arms to tighten against my back slightly. It was much more confusing, dealing with Damon than it was with Jasper. But right then, I didn't care. He was being nice and I was just too tired to fight him. To reject his comfort and find some sort of balance on my own terms.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispered then lifted a hand to rest against my messy pigtails. "I didn't want to act this way around you the first time I finally got you all to myself. It just...I don't know what to do sometimes, when I'm around you. I feel like I'm fighting with a ghost here and the damn of it is...I don't even know if you_ want_ me to fight against that ghost."

"I don't know what to tell you." I admitted honestly and lamely, sinking more against his muscular chest as I buried my face in his chest. I wanted there to be easy answers for us, to tell him that what he was doing wasn't a wasted effort. But I couldn't and it killed me when I realized the exact reason why.

There was still a part of me, even though it was tiny and nearly hidden now after months of rejection and bitterness that still cried out for Jasper. A tiny voice that rejected the idea of Damon and definatly championed for Jasper. But how much more could I take, how much more heartbreak did I have to willingly sustained before that voice realized it was actually the one fighting the losing battle? It should be impossibly easy to fall for Damon, and it probably would've been if there wasn't one major complication in the way.

I was very much in love with Jasper Hale. In spite of my best efforts and in spite of knowing that when we'd actually _been _dating. I just couldn't let go of that part of my life, of the relationship that had failed before it was ever given a chance to thrive. The memories wouldn't leave me, the longing refused to be satatied and I didn't want to think about it anymore. I was tired of shedding tears for someone who would never return the favor.

So I did the only thing I could think to do in order to silence that little voice desperately crying out for another person's arms around my body. I leaned up on my toes and greedily pressed my lips to Damon's before he had a chance to move away from me. Before he could remember that vow he made, where he'd exclaimed that he would never let his lips touch mine again until Jasper was completely and fully out of the picture again.

Damon stayed perfectly still at first, then whatever emotions he had brewing under the surface broke free and he reacted. His hands slid into my hair, effortlessly pulling my hair free from the elastics I'd set in and sent them fluttering to the floor. I didn't think then, I _couldn't_ as I molded my body into his and locked my arms around his ribcage. A low growl filtered past his lips and against mine before he ferociously plied my mouth open with his tongue. I gasped in surprise but granted him the access he wanted.

My senses reeled when our tongues met for the first time and I clung to him for near dear life as we began to battle silently for room in my mouth. I'd never been kissed the way Damon was kissing me now. Not before, when we'd technically had our first kiss in some dim parking lot after I'd run from the pain Jasper inflicted. Even _with_ Jasper, he'd never unleashed this much of himself and claimed my lips so primally that I was desperate for some kind of relief from the pressure. But Damon didn't relent, he just kept going, his hands sliding down my neck to my shoulders. If he was bothered by the coarse skin that greeted his fingers, he didn't show it. He simply knocked the straps of my top aside then moved his hands further to painfully lock against my sides, his thumbs brushing against my breasts through the thin fabric of my tank top.

He pulled away then, his dark eyes blazing as he stared down at me. "You need to stop me now before I just throw you on that bed and do what I've been thinking about since I saw you the very first time at Thriftway."

My mind whirled then, unable to grasp a clear answer to the question of sorts he'd just posed. But when I felt his thumb brush against the sensative skin of my chest once again, my answer was made for me. "Throw me." I muttered then reached up and locked my lips against his once again. There was no hesitation in his movements as he turned and tossed me, gently, onto the bed then covered my body with his. He didn't immediately press his lips to mine, like I figured he would. Instead, he began to kiss a trail down the side of my throat, sparks igniting underneath the patches of skin he touched with his lips. I sighed and closed my eyes, twisting my head out of the way to give him more room as my hands drifted down his sides. They came to a stop at the hem of his shirt then started to yank up helplessly. I wasn't in control of my own body anymore. My instincts were guiding me, fueled by the fire-like heat that had begun to blaze in some distant part of my lower body.

His body left mine long enough for him to pull his shirt off and I gasped at the sight that greeted me. I'd been wondering only hours before what kind of body he kept hidden under dark, yet clingy clothes. Now I had my answer. Deep lines rippled across his chest and abdomen, outlining a silent strength I hadn't known existed. Prominent lines rested along his hips then disappeared under the elastic band of underwear teasingly peeking out from the waist of his jeans. I was suddenly desperate for more, to know what was underneath his jeans just as much as I'd been when I wondered about his upper body.

But Damon seemed intent on other things. He resumed the path his lips had started on my neck and traveled lower, over the curve of each breast as he continued to push my top further and further down. Finally, it pooled around my waist and he sat up, yanking me up with him before he rid my upper body of the garment. Surprise flickered across his eyes then when he saw my stomach for the very first time. But he didn't pause or jerk away in horror. Instead, he leaned down and kissed a faint trail along the charred flesh on my stomach then moved upward, up my left side before his lips were soon grazing the side of my breast. I sighed deeply and let my head fall back on the bed, eyes closed as he continued to explore my upper body with his fingers and lips. Various other articles of clothing were shed as we continued to move against each other until the only barriers between us were my panties and his boxer briefs.

I was nearly shaking with a deep-seeded lust I'd never felt before when he slid off the bed and pulled off that last piece of clothing adorning his body. I mimiced his actions, looking rather ungraceful as I kicked my panties off then coiled my legs around him when he laid over me again. His lips landed on my shoulder as he slid a hand between our bodies and touched the most sensitive spot on my body. I gasped then instinctively moaned quietly for more. My entire body felt like some kind of livewire, like I was filled with this impossible energy that had nowhere to go, left to simmer and grow stronger with my body unable to contain it.

His fingers continued to gently probe me and my back arched up off the mattress when his finger slid between the folds of skin and found my entrance. My own hands gripped his sides as he teasingly circled that same finger against me, always moving around but never _in_. I whimpered and pitched my head back again, not caring how I looked as his lips circled one of my nipples and created a light suction.

"Damon." I sighed and shifted against him, gasping again when my alignment changed and his finger accidentally slipped into me. "Please?" I begged in a near breathless whisper, not caring that I was almost to the point of clawing at his hips in hopes of him getting the point. He reacted simply by biting down on the nipple he had hostage then shifted and withdrew his hand from between us.

As soon as he slid into me, pain slammed into me mercilessly. I'd always known that it would hurt when I had sex for the first time, but Damon had been so successful in winding me up that I hadn't given it much though. Nor had I warned him about my virginity. Which was now his. He groaned into my shoulder but stayed still once he'd practically slammed into me. No apologies were vocalized, he just waited until I had adjusted enough around him for him to move. Then came that first fateful thrust that further propelled us over that tiny line we'd been dancing on for some time.

And strangely, I didn't look back. I didn't care as he continued to move over me, his thrusting staying slow and almost tender at first before he lost what little control he had and let our bodies have what they wanted. Whatever pain I'd had before disappeared almost instantly in the wake of the fire still threatening to consume my body. I could feel the muscles in his back trembling as my fingers swept over them. I tried to keep up where I could, lifting my hips and pushing them into his whenever the timing seemed right. That got sounds to begin pouring past his kiss-swollen lips, almost matching mine in pitch as we continued to rock furiously in time with one another. I could feel something just right around the corner, something that I'd never experienced before and had never wondered about until this very moment.

Just when I thought I would never reach it, never be able to explore it for myself, it hit me in one simultaneous shot. My entire body locked around Damon's and a strangled curse passed his lips as he froze over me. His own body was tense, all the muscles on lock before beginning to shake almost violently. But he didn't stop moving, his hips barely brushing against mine as I experienced my very first orgasm. With Damon.

After what felt like forever, but was probably only a few minutes, he stopped and gently laid over me, his face still hidden in the crook of my shoulder. I sighed heavily, my eyes still closed as I came down from a high I'd never in my life experienced before. I was almost sure that if I opened my eyes, I would find the room spinning. I wasn't entirely sure what was going through Damon's head, but right then it didn't entirely matter. I didn't feel the need to talk this moment to death, picking it apart until we'd overanalized every single thing that had just happened. Neither of us seemed to care about the line we'd just unknowingly crossed.

Together.


	17. Scream

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**__: I'm seriously starting to think I have something against happy moments! Oh well, here's a new chapter for you guys to enjoy. I've been thinking about maybe posting pictures of celebrities that I've kinda molded the original characters after. I haven't done it yet, since I like to let people kind of draw their own conclusions about how a character looks. If that's something y'all would like to see then please let me know! _

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking credit for non-Twilighters._

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**CHAPTER SONG: SCREAM - MICHAEL & JANET JACKSON**

_"You keep changin the rules while I'm playin the game. I can't take it much longer, I think I might go insane. With such confusion don't it make you wanna scream. Your bash abusin victimize within the scheme. You find your pleasure scandalizin every lie. Oh brother, please have mercy cause I just can't take it. Stop pressuring me. Just stop pressuring me, stop pressuring me. You make me wanna scream."_

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**Chapter Seventeen:**

My body felt like a giant, wet noodle as I slowly moved my limbs experimentally. I'd somehow ended up on my stomach, arms folded under my head with blankets wound tight around my hips. That was the only thing covering me, simple white sheets hiding the lower part of my body the way jeans normally would.

Turning my head, I couldn't help smiling at the sight that greeted me. Damon was laying beside me, his face tilted toward the ceiling with his eyes closed. He had his arms under his head too and I managed to surpress a strong urge to lean over and start trailing my lips over the biceps protruding sexily from his arm. More proof of the silent strength I hadn't known existed.

"It's rude to stare." He teased, his eyes staying closed for a second or two before he rolled onto his side and draped an arm across my lower back.

"Then put clothes on." I challenged, letting him catch my eyeline before I met his gaze. I strangely had no problem letting him catch me staring at his chiseled upper body. "Otherwise I'm gonna stare."

A ghost of a chuckle passed his lips as he leaned over and began to trail dry kisses along the ruined curve of my back. "Takes too much effort." He muttered against my skin, causing me to shiver noticably underneath him. He must have relished in that because I felt sudden shifts in the mattress right before I was rolled onto my back. He kicked the covers from my lower body and gently settled his thighs between mine. But what surprised me the most was what he was looking at.

He wasn't staring me in the eye anymore and he wasn't ooging my modest chest. His eyes were on my stomach, tracing the line of destruction that stretched up my ribcage. His fingers were feather light as he traced with his hands as well. I sighed and let my head rest against my arm once I'd replaced my hands under my head. All so he could have the full, desired affect of my damaged body.

"I've wondered what you would look like naked." He admitted after a few moments of silence. The intensity in his voice caused me to open my eyes and stare at him in open shock. "At first, it didn't occur to me to envision any scars or markings." He admitted ruefully and paused to smile up at me before he gently laid over me. His arms curled around me easily, pulling me closer to him as I wound my own arms around his neck. "But after you showed me your neck, I tried to figure out just how far down the damage went."

"I should have shown you before now." I admitted in a quiet whisper, knowing he'd earned that right long before coming with me to Seattle.

"But you were scared." He nodded and removed one arm from my body so his fingers could trail along my cheekbone. "And that's understandable. Baylee, I'm not going to pretend you weren't badly burned. But they don't diminish what I see when I look at you. I don't see you as some kind of freak, not the person you've been trying to present as yourself for as long as we've known each other."

"Then how _do_ you see me?" I asked before I could stop myself, my tone soft and vulnerable. More vulnerable than laying completely naked underneath him after having just given him my virginity.

"As a strong and couragous girl." He shrugged as if his answer should've been obvious to me. "These scars don't take away from the outward beauty of your face. They just add to it, proving to the world that you've seen hell and were able to pull yourself back from it."

"You've got to take those blinders off." I shook my head slightly and began to gently push him off me. Damon consented, to a degree. When I started to climb off the bed, he gently grabbed my wrist and lightly pulled me back down.

"Stop running from me." He nearly growled, some of the frustration he'd exibited earlier sparking up yet again. "After everything that's just happened, _stop_. Stop and let yourself enjoy this moment." He sighed and settled onto his side, supporting his upper body with his elbow while he held onto me with his other hand. "I just wish you would've told me that you were still a virgin."

I'd been waiting on that. I'd no doubt given him enough clues to figure it all out. You know, providing the way I'd reacted to him when he slid into me for the first time and subsequent blood on the sheets hadn't clued him in. "It's not something I go around advertizing."

He sighed and nodded, keeping his eyes on the bed for a second before flicking them up to meet mine. "I guess I assumed...."

"No." I shook my head and winced at how grave my voice sounded. "I never slept with Jasper. We got close a couple of times, but I was still too physically damaged."

"And now?" He asked and fully sat up. He didn't wait for my response though, simply pulling me to lay back against him once he was leaning against the headboard with all the pillows under his back. I moved willingly and sighed as I got comfortable in the curve of his body. "How do you feel now?"

I had to ponder his question for a second. How _did_ I feel? I'd been holding onto my virginity for so long that it felt weird to actually say I'd just had sex. It didn't matter that I'd just slept with someone I never thought I would. It was the simple _act_ of it that had me so thoughtful all of a sudden.

"I feel...." Air hitched in my lungs as I hesitated then guiltily turned my head up to look at him.

He looked down and sighed as he tilted his head to get a better look at my facial expressions. "Be honest with me, Baylee."

"Shocked." I blurted before I could really stop myself. That earned a rather confused look from Damon and I quickly scrambled around so I was facing him. I just hadn't been paying attention as I straddled his waist and laid my hands on his chest. "I've been holding onto my virginity for so long that I'm shocked I don't have it anymore. Sex has never been something I thought about, I never wondered what it would be like to be with someone like this. For a long time, I was _scared_ of it."

"Scared?" Damon's eyebrows puckered as he lightly laid his hands on my thighs. If he noticed my change of position, he wasn't giving it any thought right then. "Why were you scared?"

"Because sex is a big deal to me." I admitted honestly, with no more reservations about telling him anything. We'd just done _the most_ intimate thing two people could ever do. What was the point in shutting down on him now? It just weirded me out a little that I could forget my ruined body while in his presence. I wasn't being painfully reminded of how I looked, Damon was too entranced with my words. "Sex has always been a big deal to me." I sighed and let my eyes fall to his stomach as my fingers deftly traced the impressions in his skin. "But I never wanted anyone to be that close to me. Even before...my body was burned." Swallowing thickly, I looked away for a second and sighed heavily.

"Baylee." Damon whispered and sat up enough to recapture my attention. His hands had moved from my thighs to my waist as he held me steady against him. "Talk to me, tell me why you're afraid of sex. The _real_ reason."

Tears formed in my eyes as I finally looked at him, my fingers stilled against his chest. "No little girl should ever hear her mother being raped by her stepfather." I admitted quietly, my voice catching in several places. Just enough to fully prove how damaged I'd been that night.

"Bay." Even though he whispered my name, a chill ripped through me at how that whisper sounded. There was a weird source of pain powering my nickname, which I hadn't expected. He sat up a little more and hugged me to his chest. I curled into him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder as I wound my arms around his waist. "I knew you'd had it bad but...I never realized...."

"I was saved from a lot of it." I admitted quietly, afraid to look up at him as I began to mentally delve into my history with Jasper. "I had a best friend back then who's parents let me stay with them and it kept me out of the house a lot."

A deep sigh riddled through Damon's upper body, shaking me gently as his arms loosened around my waist. I sat up with an eyebrow raised and felt my heart instantly dive into my stomach at the look on his face. "You can say his name, Baylee. I know that he had a strong part in your childhood. I'll never want to take that away from you, or pretend that he wasn't the one there for you. Just as long as I get to be there for you _now._"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrow inching higher as I sat up a little more, my hands curling slowly into fists against his chest.

"You know what I mean." He deadpanned, his eyes betraying no humor as he stared mercilessly into mine. "Sex is a big deal to me too, believe it or not. I've only slept with maybe two girls in my life. I may act like an asshole sometimes, but I'm not when it comes to trust and sex."

"I don't know what I can give you." I sighed and turned to climb off his lap. But Damon held me immobile against him, not relenting in the slightest when I began to wiggle for leeway. A low growl filtered past his lips when my lower body brushed against his in my attempts, causing a wild flutter to settle in my abdomen.

"Keep moving like that and I'll have a pretty good idea of what I can suggest." He ground out, looking dangerously close to overpowering me even more than he already was right then.

I rolled my eyes and looked away, almost afraid that my reaction would somehow piss him off even more. But it wasn't like I couldn't _feel_ what all my wiggling around was doing to him! Given how I'd just landed on him, it was pretty tough to overlook that little piece of information. "Then let me go." I sighed and finally looked him square in the eye.

A muscle in his jaw twitched twice before his arms began to loosen around me. I took my chance and hopped off the bed, hoping that if I put enough distance between us that it would somehow calm him down. It seemed to do the trick, at least a little. Once I was on my feet, feeling a little bit of soreness in my thighs, he slid down onto the mattress and lazily began to arrange the blankets across his lap before tucking one arm behind his head to mess with the collection of pillows he had going on.

"So what's the plan of action for the rest of the day?" Damon asked and I had to do a double-take to make sure I was really seeing the changes on his face. He looked perfectly at ease, as if he didn't have a care in the world! But judging by what was facing me in the morning, he had at least a little bit of a right to act so smug and casual.

"I have to go out. An errand before all the craziness at the hospital starts." I answered then turned and began to dig through my bag for some fresh clothes. The ones I'd worn to Seattle were still strewn along the floor and I quickly picked up my jeans before snatching an oversized, black sweater out of my duffel. The light pink camisole I'd worn before was also grabbed to give my outfit a little 'color', as Alice would say then gathered up what else I would need for a quick shower.

"What kind of errand?" Damon looked confused as I walked past the foot of the bed, but stopped just before disappearing around the wall that separated the bed area from the spacious-looking bathroom. He even sat up, loosely draping his arms around his knees as he pulled them toward his chest.

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, given the fact that I was naked and keeping my chest covered by a pile of clothes and toiletries bag. "I'm going to see Jasper."

The groan that passed Damon's lips as he flopped back onto the bed seemed to bounce against each wall in the hotel room. I had to wonder, only for a second, if anyone on our floor could've heard that. But I didn't have time to dwell on that for too long. Damon was up on his feet and had my arm in his grasp before I sucessfully cleared the doorway.

"Are you_ serious_ right now?" He nearly growled, holding my arm against his chest. My stuff dropped from my arms and I tried to take a step back to keep my bag from falling on my toes. "Because I'm really hoping that I just heard you wrong when you said you were going to see _Jasper_. Baylee, how long do you have to let him torture you before you stop putting yourself in those kind of positions?"

"Let me go!" I exclaimed, which sounded more like a scared whisper than anything else and stared up at him coldly. "I'm not doing it for myself, okay? So get your invisible boxers out of a bunch and let me go before you bruise my arm. I'm scarred enough as it is, don't you think?"

That simple question got him to release his hold on me and I stumbled back through the momentum. "That was a low blow." He muttered, his eyes somehow growing darker and solidifying before my very eyes.

Regaining my balance, I blew out a low breath and knelt to reclaim my fallen items. I refused to look Damon in the eye right then. He had a dangerous look to him as it was, but when he was angry? I could feel the ice in his glare, sliding through my veins and leaving my blood solid in it's wake.

"Then why the hell are you going?" He finally asked, his voice a little calmer than before as he crossed his arms over his chest. I chanced a glance up and immediately regret it when rippling muscles met my vision.

"Because I promised Esme." I sighed and straightened up, dumping my clothes on the counter before I turned to face him again. Complete with one hand on the counter, bracing me, while my other balled into a fist and landed on my protruding hip. "She knew that it would be difficult for me to do it, but she asked anyway. She hasn't been to Seattle since Jasper moved out and I know she's driving herself crazy."

"So let her come up here!" He shot out and flailed his arms before relocking them against his chest. "Why do _you_ have to be the one to go see him?"

"Because we're up here, you idiot!" I hissed, unable to stop myself from reacting to Damon's sudden bout of anger. But I understood his reaction, probably better than I would have in any other circumstance. I'd just had sex with him, given him the last remaining piece of my innocence then turning around to go see the guy that had pretty much come between us. Or try to, anyway, since I'd never made a conscious effort to bring Jasper into any other facets of my life.

Sighing, I shook my head slightly then forced my body to relax from its defensive pose. I even walked over and lightly placed my hands on his arms, forcing myself not to focus on his biceps so I could say what I needed to and hopefully assauge his anger. "Damon, Esme hasn't asked for much from me. She worries about each and every one of her kids, especially Jasper. I don't know why, I've never asked. But I know how her mind works. She's worried about him and can't get away from the house long enough to come up here herself since Edward, Alice, and I are still living in the house. This is the least I can do for her, and I told her I would. You can stay here, you can come with me. I don't care!" I suddenly threw my arms out to my sides then let them slap against my thighs as I backed toward the tub. "But I'm going to go see him so I can take some piece of mind back to Esme. Deal with it."

I wasn't entirely sure how Damon was going to take my words, or if it was even _possible _for him to 'deal with it'. But I couldn't see any other way around the new hurdle we seemed to be glaring at. I'd promised Esme, and she really had never asked for much from me. After all the patience and motherly love she'd shown me, I felt like this was the least I could do. To suck up my own pride for at least an hour and go see how her son was doing. I just had no idea how to make Damon see that.

"Look," I sighed and swiped a hand across my forehead as I turned and sat down on the edge of the tub. "I don't want to fight with you about this."

"I don't want to fight with you either." He interjected then took a step toward me. He reached for me right as I held my hand up for him to stop. "Baylee." He sighed and I looked up in time to see his shoulders drop. "Don't go see him. What is the point in tormenting yourself? Esme knows that he's okay, he was down just last weekend! Please don't let this be an issue between us."

I frowned and immediately climbed to my feet. "Okay, one? I have no idea what 'us' entails so why don't we try and figure that out before you go around using it as a weapon against me. And second, this doesn't have to be an issue at all! You think I like the fact that I'm getting ready to go see him? I'm not. I'm terrified and I could really use your support on this. But instead of getting that? Especially after what just happened in there, you're being some possessive, controlling asshole. And I won't deal with that." I vowed, feeling my muscles lock into a stony expression as I stared at him levelly. "So you're either okay with what I have to do, or you can stay here and sulk. Either way, you have no say in what I'm with my free time. You haven't laid any claims to me and if you keep acting like this way, I won't ever _let_ you do that!"

Not giving him a second to respond, I turned my back and started fiddling with the taps. I heard Damon stomp out of the room and flop onto the bed, flinching a little when I heard a string of expletives pass his lips. But I refused to go in there and talk this thing to death. True, we hadn't really given ourselves much time to examine the new changes in...whatever we had going on.

But I wasn't about to let him start controlling what I said and did. He wasn't my boyfriend. As far as I knew, we were still in some sort of weird friendship territory. And I'd made a promise to Esme. I would _try_ and go check up on Jasper. I had no idea what this would do to whatever ground Damon and I had covered in the three hours we'd been in Seattle. But Jasper was still important to me, whether I liked it or not and I wanted to make sure he was doing okay too.

I'd never admit it to myself, but part of me _needed_ to see if he was doing okay. I'd always wondered what Jasper would look like when he went off to college and began living on his own. I'd always figured that we would've still been best friends, when I thought about this as a child. Then later, I envisioned myself as his girlfriend, coming up for an unsupervised visit to see just how 'grown up' my boyfriend was.

But now I was none of those things. I was just a girl his parents had taken in. A girl that had just slept with a guy I probably never should have even _thought_ about kissing.

Staring at the wall for a second, I just groaned quietly and lightly thumped my head against the tiles running up in front of me. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"


	18. Blind

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **So sorry for the delay. I keep saying it won't happen anymore, but it always does. Please accept my apologies and enjoy this new chapter._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking the blame for originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: BLIND - PLACEBO**

_"If I could tear you from the ceiling, I know the best have tried. I'd fill your every breath with meaning and find the place we both could hide. Don't go and leave me. And please don't drive me blind. Don't go and leave me. And please don't drive me blind. You don't believe me but you do this every time. Please don't drive me blind. Please don't drive me blind. I know you're broken. If I could tear you from the ceiling, I'd freeze us both in time. And find a brand new way of seeing, your eyes forever glued to mine. Don't go and leave me. And please don't drive me blind. Don't go and leave me. And please don't drive me blind. Please don't drive me blind. I know you're broken."_

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**Chapter Eighteen:**

Driving to Seattle enveloped in silence was nothing compared to what I felt as I parked outside Jasper's apartment complex. It'd been surprisingly easy to find the place, thanks to the directions Esme had given me when I called to let her know I was actually going to see him. She'd sounded so excited, but a little sad when I told her. She seemed to sense how hard this was going to be for me, not even knowing about the disasterous fight I'd gotten into with Damon beforehand. She didn't need to know just how much this was going to cost me in the long run. If it gave her peace of mind, then I'd pay whatever price needed.

Turning the car off, I sighed and stared up at the brick building. It was set in a pretty good neighborhood and looked to be only a mile or two from Jasper's school, which I would later tell Esme when she asked where his complex was situated. He'd probably lucked out in finding this place, I just couldn't bring himself to feel excited at the prospect of asking. I'd called ahead to see if he was actually home and breathed a silent sigh of relief when he answered the home phone number he'd given Esme.

I just didn't say or do anything to alert him to my being so close. He probably remembered my trip to Seattle with Damon and as I climbed out of my car, I wondered if he would think of any smart and witty digs at the guy waiting for me at our hotel.

Jasper's apartment was on the second floor, almost right on the landing of an outside set of stairs. Idly, I wondered what he did whenever it rained. It _was_ Seattle after all and I could practically feel the moisture in the air, just waiting for the perfect chance to unleash hell. I raised my arm and knocked, three quick raps before I stepped back and looked away.

Suddenly, paranoia gripped me so tightly that I couldn't do anything physical about my crushing desire to just turn around and leave. What if Miranda was here? I hadn't thought to see if she would be or not. But the prospect of facing her was even less appealing than rubbing sandpaper over my scarred back.

The door in front of me suddenly swung open and then there he was. Alone, with one arm braced up against the door like he somehow needed it to hold him upright.

I'd never really noticed it before, but Jasper looked _tired_. There were deep circles under his eyes, creating a stark contrast against his pale skin and pale eyes. His hair was, as usual, unruly and insanely curly. The same honey tint that had haunted my dreams for so long. And, as I looked closer, I noticed that his baggy tee shirt and jeans looked a little _more_ baggy than they normally did. Was he losing weight, or was my mind just playing tricks on me and trying to conjure up some kind of sympathy for the man standing in front of me.

"Baylee." He whispered, his voice cloaked in shock as he straightened up and gripped the door a little tighter with his right hand. I briefly noticed his knuckles turn white before I focused on his eyes. Eyes that I missed being able to just get lost in.

"Hi." I muttered and waved dumbly. "Esme wanted me to come by and see the new digs. You know how she worries."

Jasper nodded, but didn't say anything else. He just stepped aside then waved me in. Almost as if he was convinced that I wasn't here for myself, which, for the most part, I wasn't. Or at least, that was what I was trying to tell myself.

I stepped over the threshold uncertainly and started to look around when he closed the door behind me then followed me into the living room. It opened up right off the door and to the left, exposing a portion of the kitchen and hallway, which were dark. There was a small amount of light streaming in from a window and door to my right but I couldn't afford myself time to pause and check it out.

There was a small amount of funiture in the space, a single couch and small entertainment center boasting a flat screen TV that Emmett had gifted him as a housewarming present. A couple of pictures hung on the beige walls, most of them consisting of his artwork that Esme had framed and sent with him when he moved out. I moved in further and noticed the small dining area right beside the kitchen. A poster that I knew had come from his bedroom hung on the wall over a plain black folding table and matching chairs. But as far as I could tell, there wasn't a hint of femininity anywhere in the two bedroom apartment.

"This is a surprise." Jasper announced and I turned to face him as he sat on the couch and slouched into the deep grove between the cushions and back. "Did Esme really ask you to come here and check in on me?"

"Yeah," I nodded and bravely crossed my arms across my chest. "She did. After what happened last weekend, do you really think I'd come here on my own free will?"

"I know." He sighed, his eyes falling for a second before lifting to meet mine again. "But I'm still surprised you agreed to come over here."

"I was hoping to catch you alone so I could get it over with." I shrugged unevenly then began to stare fixatedly on my shoes. I didn't want to risk Jasper seeing anything in my expression that he could possibly use against me. But as I stood there for a few minutes, silence falling heavily on our shoulders, I sighed and shook my hair from my eyes. "You look tired. I never really noticed that before."

"Well," He paused long enough to shrug then laid his head back against the couch. "It's been a rough week. Things haven't exactly been a cake-walk since Miranda and I got back from Forks."

"Oh?" I asked and unconsciously moved closer to where he sat on the couch. I was so lost in my surprise and concern that I wasn't even aware I'd sat down until I saw the shock flicker across Jasper's face.

"You don't have to act like you give a damn, Baylee." He sighed and sat up, laying his arms across his thighs with his hands hanging over his knees. "How I've treated you over these past few months doesn't paint me in the best of lights."

"It doesn't matter." I shrugged and looked away. I hated seeing him appear so defeated. He was so unlike the boy I used to know that a weird sort of ache began to form in my chest. It was downright _painful_, sitting here like this and wanting so desperately to have Jasper open up to me.

But I had no idea how to go about arranging that. Like he'd said, we weren't exactly on cordial ground, and he'd been nothing but an ass to me since we came home from Santa Cruz. I couldn't just wipe that completely from my memory. But right then, a strong part of me really wanted to.

"Just talk to me." I sighed and looked over at him, silently pleading with him to just put the past in the past for a moment and unload on me. I could see how clearly he needed someone to talk to. And have it done face-to-face, not over the phone like he was used to with the members of our family that would still talk to him. Miranda had done a lot more damage than anyone had originally figured her capable of, and I could only guess that Jasper was maybe finally starting to see that. Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe something so monumental had happened and I just had no idea what it was.

But whatever the case, I couldn't ignore the look of sudden desperation that clung to Jasper's face as he pulled himself off the couch and stalked into the kitchen. I wanted to follow him, I actually willed my body to follow. But I felt frozen, locked by the stress and tension clinging in the air. All I could do was watch, and wait. Wait for Jasper to decide whether or not he was going to choose me to be the one to open up to.

He stopped at the counter that hid the kitchen sink from me and faced away from me for a second before his hands slapped on the granite. He kept his head bent and I finally forced myself into moving. I came up on the other side of the counter and carefully folded my arms on the table top. "Jasper, talk to me." I tried again, my voice nearly silent but heavy with urgency.

"I was horrible to you." He started, still keeping his eyes on the sink between us, his words heavy with some kind of impending dread. Or some piece of news that was sure to shatter what was left of our already broken relationship. "I had no right to do what I've done to you. And now, having you here, willing to sit and listen to me...part of it feels like too much." He shrugged then finally looked up at me. "I don't deserve your compassion, Baylee."

His words, combined with the force of his gaze felt like enough to knock me flat on my ass. But I remained standing, knowing that my face was stretched into a mask of stunned silence. But before I could regain my composure, and offer some kind of defense, he was speaking again and his eyes had fallen back onto the sink.

"Miranda's been impossible since we came home. I know you don't want to talk about her and I completely understand why." He looked at me again and smiled sadly at me. "But I guess you should know that I'm being rewarded for how awful I was to you. She's the best kind of payback you'd never ask for."

"Jasper." I started, finally finding my voice as I grimaced and began to twist away from the counter. Jasper moved surprisingly quickly and grabbed me before I could get too far. He held my arms in a tight grip and bent his knees in an attempt to trap my gaze.

"No, Baylee. _Listen_ to me." He whispered, urgency once again ringing in my ears. "Yes, I said that I didn't want to be in the same room with you anymore, that I didn't want to talk to you. But can you see the possible reasons _why_? Taking Miranda out of the equation, can you understand why I might've said what I did?"

"It doesn't matter anymore!" I blurted out, determined to keep from going there. I didn't want to revisit that day and how the next week of my life had been shaped to deal with it. "You had your reasons for saying it, whatever they were. But you can't keep doing this to me, Jasper. Either you're there or you're not."

"A big part of me doesn't want to be there because it hurts too much." He went on, beseeching me with his eyes as he continued to move into my eyesight whenever I looked away. "I've put you through a lot and I can see the pain I caused, every time I look into your eyes. I took what we had, everything we could've been and I threw it away. Then I made a half-ass attempt at getting it back. It was wrong of me to kiss you that night, but only because of the circumstances set up around us. But at the time, I wasn't thinking about anything other than you and me. Of getting you to see me the way you used to. All I wanted was a moment from the past, before I screwed up and pushed you away."

I could feel my spine straightening as I listened to his words. I couldn't do this again. I couldn't have him hurt me then try and make it better, only to follow the pattern again when Miranda was in the same room as us. I knew that the pain inflicted by Jasper's hand, or at least most of it, had been unintentional. But it was still there, sometimes breathing down my neck and tainting whatever good memories I could bring into the forefront of my mind.

"What's happened in the past week?" I asked and winced when I heard the bite of steel in my own voice. "Either we talk about that or I'm leaving. I can't handle another discussion about _us_ again."

Jasper sighed and finally dropped my arms, taking a step or two back as he stared at the carpet underneath our feet. Anxiety was now flowing off him in waves, battering into me and making the already-shaky ground beneath me feel even more unsturdy. I didn't know what to do right then, how to react. Why was it that whenever we were alone..._that_ was when Jasper chose to actually be honest with me.

As much as I wanted an answer to my question, I couldn't force myself to give him enough time to actually provide it. I was speaking again, words spilling past my lips against my will. "Why is it that we only talk about the past when we're alone? Why do you make confessions like this to me when there's no one else around to hear it? Jasper, this is the most honest you've been with me since Christmas and look at what all it took to achieve that? It's not fair to me. Either you're honest with me all the time, or you stay away from me. It's as simple as that. And you're right, I don't deserve what you've put me through. I don't deserve to be told one thing, then forced to believe something completely different. Either you want to be on good terms with me, or you want nothing to do with me at all. Yes, I understand that you can't stand being in the same room with me anymore, and that it's for reasons beyond what Miranda thinks. But don't you realize just how much it's hurt _me_ to be in the same room as you? To remember what we could've had but are constantly denied? We can't go back, Jasper. I'll never be able to change my mind about that, not after everything that's happened. There's been too much damage, to both of us, and the trust is completely gone. I can't even be your friend now because Miranda hates me so much! How is that fair to me? I've never done anything to that girl, but she wants me nowhere near you just because we grew up together. Because we once meant something to one another."

Jasper didn't look up once throughout my entire speech, and I couldn't really explain what made me think he wouldn't. I just _knew_. The truth hurt, it always did. But nine times out of ten, the person having to hear the truth wasn't always the only one hurt by it. It _hurt_ me to say everything I was saying to him, to finally give voice to things that had been tumbling around in my head for months now. How had we gotten so off-track that this was how things were between me and the boy that I'd thought would always be there? The boy who had turned into the man that another was so uncertain and jealous of?

For the first time, I could see why Damon felt so threatened when I'd told him that I was coming to see Jasper. It was almost as if Damon, as an outsider, could see the damaged bond between Jasper and me so much more clearly than I could. And I was _living_ it!

Silence hung heavily over us yet again as I took a cautious step away from Jasper, my arms hanging limp at my sides. "I'm sorry." I muttered and ducked my head as I started for the door. "I shouldn't have come here. I told Esme it would be a bad idea but I can't ever tell her no. I can't deny any of you anything, no matter how much it hurts me later."

"Baylee." Jasper finally spoke right when I reached out to pull the front door open. I could feel the chrome doorknob under my fingers as I twisted my head to look at him over my shoulder. "Please don't go." He sighed, his shoulders slumping, hands hanging weirdly from the pockets of his jeans.

"I have to." I shrugged and ducked my head, forcing my fingers to tighten around the chrome ball that led to my escape. "Miranda will kill me if she comes over and finds me here. I don't really want to deal with her on top of everything else."

"She won't...show up here." He sighed and I completely forgot about my tenious grip on freedom to stare at him in open shock.

"Why not?" I sputtered, my eyes feeling wide on my face as I reached up to tuck hairs behind my ear. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah." He nodded then laughed shortly. "We pretty much broke up yesterday."

"Why?"

He shrugged, almost as if he didn't have a care in the world then turned to sit down on the couch. "I'm not entirely sure." He hedged, which made me want to smack him as hard as I could. I wasn't entirely convinced that he wasn't just saying this as some sort of way to keep me from leaving.

He got what he wanted, either way. I walked back into the kitchen and perched on the edge of the couch.

"As soon as she walked through the door, I could tell she was fired up about something." Jasper explained and sank back into the couch. "So naturally, it started a fight. Next thing I know, she's breaking up with me and storming out the door, claiming she never really knew what she saw in me or why she put up with me as long as she has. I've tried to call her once or twice since then, but she's completely shut me out."

For a split second, I wanted to get up and start dancing. To celebrate the fact that Jasper and Miranda had broken up and I would never have to deal with her again. But I couldn't. There was still a sadness in his eyes that just would not go away and that was the only thing that kept me rooted in place.

"I'm sorry." I breathed and reached over to cautiously lay my hand over his arm. "I may have disliked her and how your relationship worked, but I would never want her to just snap and break up with you. Did she even give you a real reason?"

"No." He shook his head then looked down as he laid his hand on mine. "Not a clear-cut one anyway. She just rambled on about things been too tough for her, that my family never gave her a chance."

"Stupid stuff like that." I supplied, rolling my eyes as an afterthought before I jumped to my feet. My phone, completely forgotten about until this point, began to vibrate against my ass, still securely wedged in my back pocket. Fishing it out, I wanted to groan aloud when I saw the number prominantly displayed in the window.

_Hot Grocery Guy._ Damon's handywork, clearly. He'd thought it was a pretty funny joke when he originally programmed his number into my phone, claiming this way I'd have no choice _but_ to have some kind of contact with him. I'd just laughed at the time and snatched up his phone, doing the same as I listed my number under _Uninterested Waitress._

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked, leaning over to peer up at my phone.

I hugged the device to my chest and instantly started to shake my head as I sent the call to voicemail. Damon wouldn't like that, I was sure of it. But I'd just deal with it when I was out of Jasper's apartment. "Nothing." I sighed and pocketed my phone before fishing my keys from the front pocket of my jacket. "Just reality. Reminding me that I need to leave."

"Right." Jasper sighed and nodded before slowly rising to his feet. "And how is Mr. Reality doing anyway?"

"Don't start." I warned and pointed at him as I moved back to the door. "Nothing's changed between us. Just because you and Miranda aren't together anymore doesn't mean I have to automatically forgive you for all the crap you pulled. You were being a jerk before she came into the picture."

"I know." He sighed and reached across me to pull the door open. He leaned against it once more, just as he'd done when he originally opened it to let me in. "But can I at least _ask_ for a chance at forgiveness?"

As much as I wanted to, I wasn't entirely sure I could say yes to him. There was just too much left unsaid and unfinished between us. And now that I was on this new, weird path with Damon, I wasn't all too certain that I could travel both paths. Too much had happened and I couldn't even tell if I'd have enough strength _to_ rebuild whatever I could with Jasper.

"I'll think about it." I muttered, a little short-tempered, then stepped out onto the wood-planked front porch. "But I will tell Esme that you're doing okay. If she wants to know anymore, I'm not coming back here."

"I understand." He nodded then, after a look that was sure to haunt me for weeks to come, he gently closed the door behind me as I turned to leave.


	19. Catch My Fall

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Kind of a fluffy chapter before things start taking a darker turn. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns her world, I take the blame for originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: CATCH MY FALL - KATY ROSE**

_"I need a quick decision and a cheap reward. I'm in my last revision. Hey-hey-hey-hey. So I'll cry just a little bit longer, and I'll stay two seconds more. And I'll try to be stronger, and I'll see if you catch my fall."_

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen:**

As much as I didn't want to, I swallowed my pride and headed back to the hotel once I left Jasper's. I knew Damon would still be mad at me for going to see him, but I strangely didn't care.

We hadn't even tried to figure out the changing logistics of our relationship, providing it could be called that. But, as I slid the plastic key card into the door, I found myself fearing what was on the other side of that door. I wasn't ready for this confrontation, to face Damon yet again when I knew he would still be angry.

The door blinked green and I pushed it open. Damon was almost in the exact same place he'd been when I left. The only difference was that he had clothes on. Baggy, dark jeans and a loose-fitted black shirt adorned his body and his hair was even more unruly than it'd been this morning.

"Hi." I muttered and set my stuff down on the desk directly across from the bed, where Damon lay stretched out on his back. His ankles were crossed, feet bare, and a pillow was pushed underneath his head. The TV was on but nearly muted, almost heightening the silence of the room.

Damon flinched, but didn't say anything. He just turned the TV off then tossed the remote aside with a casual flick of his wrist. I felt frozen in place as he sat up then drew his knees toward his chest. Damon looped his arms around his bent legs then raised one dark eyebrow at me.

"You at least going to say something?" I fought to keep my voice steady, but knew it was no use. Some of the sudden fatigue filling my body escaped through my words.

"I don't know what _to_ say." He admitted, and with a jolt of shock, I realized he sounded just as tired as I felt. "I've been trying to plan out what I would say, how I'd deal when you came back from Jasper's, but I can't. I'm at a loss here, Baylee."

"Why do you need to say anything?"

"Because!" The word exploded from his lips the exact same time he hopped off the bed. "This morning, I thought that the toughest thing I'd ever hav eto handle would be you talking to kids in your shoes. I was prepared for that, to become whatever kind of strength or support you might need. But I never, _never_ thought that we'd have sex then you'd run off to _him._"

"Why're you being like this?" My voice was supposed to carry the question as an impassioned plea. Instead, it just came out in a breathless whisper. I couldn't wrap my head around all of this. I knew that Damon had issues with Jasper, and probably vice versa. Hell, _I_ had issues with Jasper! But the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was saying that this went way beyond justifiable anger.

"Why?" Damon sputtered then came around the bed and grabbed me before I could move. His grip felt like iron, forming unyielding manacles around my biceps. "Because he doesn't _want_ you, yet you keep running to him!"

"I told you -" I started, only to be jerked silent by Damon's powerful grip.

"That it was for Esme, but you could have at least asked _me _if I wanted to go with you!"

"Is that what this is all about?" The volume I hadn't been able to find earlier was flowing excessively now. "Damon, I didn't ask -"

"Oh stop." He snarled then silenced me again by pushing me away. In my surprise, I stumbled back and flattened myself against the wall before I could fall on my ass.

"All you do is make excuses." Damon accused. I flinched, looked away, then gasped when he suddenly had me by the arms yet again. "You didn't ask me because some part of you wanted to be with him. Do you think that if you get enough time alone with him that he'll leave Miranda for you?!"

"Why?" I shot out before I could really stop myself, so blinded with anger and painful memories of the past. My eyes narrowed and I even stopped trying to struggle out of his grip. "Think I'll do it? SCared taht I'll forget all about you and go running back to him because he just so happens to be single again?"

Damon didn't say anything right away and his hesitation felt like a slap to the face. He slowly looked away, letting me go in the process. My eyes began to sting with fresh tears begging to be released.

"I see." I sighed heavily and stepped back, nodding woodenly as I curled my arms up to my chest. "Wow, well at least now I know how you really see me. I was wondering when that would happen."

"Baylee," Damon shouted and made a desperate grab for my arm as I started to back my barely-unloaded duffel.

My eyes immediately flew up to meet his when his skin made contact with mine, feeling the hard lines of my expression. "Get your hand off me." I growled then wrenched away from him, not even recognizing my own voice as I started to pack what few things I'd let be strewn out around the room. Damon was hot on my heels, of course, trying to grab me just long enough that I would stop and look at him. But I wouldn't, I didn't _want_ to.

I was so sick of this whole Damon/Jasper tug of war, not even sure how it had started or how I came to be in the middle. I just knew that I wanted it to _stop_. There was no way I could willingly enter into a relationship with Damon if he was going to continue acting the way he was.

Knowing I had nowhere to go, and I didn't want to use the emergency credit card in my back pocket, I finally tossed my bag down and turned to face him. He stopped short and looked sort of guilty that he was standing so close to me. It would've been amusing in any other situation, to see a look so shy on features that screamed danger and mystery.

"Okay," I started and folded my arms over my chest. "I'm not doing this anymore, Damon. Whatever issues you have reguarding Jasper are your own deal. He's part of my family, and my _past_, so I can't just easily walk away from him. If it were that simple, I'd of done it months ago instead of putting myself through everything that I have. But that's the situation and I have to deal with it. Me, not you. I've been fighting people all my life and I'm not doing that here. I got a second chance with the Cullens and while it hasn't all been smooth sailing, I'm not going to bring even more tension into that house. I'm tired of fighting and having people around me at odds. So it's like this." I sighed and squared my shoulders before looking up at him plainly. "Either you get over your shit with Jasper and we try this whole relationship thing, or...."

"Or?" Damon asked quietly, his voice surprisingly soft with what I could swear was apprehension dawning in his eyes.

"Or we get through this weekend, go back to Forks and you stay the hell away from me. But either way, we're resolving all this. I won't put up with another possessive man in my life, Damon. I can't. It nearly killed me the first time." Nodding once, I let out the deep breath I'd been unconsciously holding in and grabbed my keys off the table I'd thrown them onto when I came in. "I'm going to go find some food. I'll give you time to think."

Turning on my heel, I idly jingled my keys in my hand and strode over to the door. My back pocket was checked for the plastic key card but before I could grasp the handle, Damon grabbed my arm and pulled. I whirled around with so much force that I could probably have done two or three circles if I hadn't been stopped. A small yelp passed my lips when I became trapped against the door, the warmth of Damon's body seeping into my chest as his lips crashed down onto mine. For a second, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even _move_, much less think and process what was happening.

All my brain would register was the soft warmth of Damon's lips as he kissed me, the tingling wetness of his tongue when it glided across my lower lip for access to my mouth. I reacted on sheer impulse alone, the keys in my hand forgotten about as I wound my fingers into his hair and molded my body into his. It was all automatic, like a switch had been flipped somewhere in my body and I was powerless against it.

It took a lot of will, but I eventually pulled away and ducked my chin toward my shoulder in hopes of stopping everything cold. The entire room felt like it was spinning and I was afraid to open my eyes for confirmation. I felt Damon move against me and very nearly whimpered in his ear when his lips brushed across the side of my throat, a weird contrast between smooth skin and rough.

"Stop." I muttered and flattened my hands on his chest then pushed. He went willingly, or at least willingly enough that he stepped back but one look in his eyes and I knew I would be in trouble if I did that again.

"Why?" He asked and I shivered at the low, throaty tone of his words. Damon still sounded a little out of breath and I felt his hands tighten in my hips. But I had to push it away, making myself step out from between him and the door.

I sighed a raked a hand through my hair before looking up at him with a frown on my face. "You know why." I sighed and glanced up at him. His eyes looked a little darker in the limited overhead light and a faint stain coated his cheeks as his chest rose and fell rapidly against the fabric of his tee shirt. "Just because we've already had sex once doesn't mean I'm going to start falling into bed with you everytime I get kissed properly."

The hints of a smile slowly appeared across Damon's face as he turned and laid a hand on the wall I'd flattened my back against. "I wasn't expecting that. I was just trying to stop you from leaving."

"You could've just said something." I blurted out, my eyebrows raising a little as I looked up at him blankly. For some odd reason, my hormones were suddenly all over the place and playing hell on my mood. I didn't really know which way was up and it'd only been a good six hours since we'd arrived in Seattle. Early evening and I already felt drained beyond belief. I wanted food and bed, in that order. But judging by the look on Damon's face, he had other ideas.

But the look slowly faded and he straightened up, complete with taking his hand from the wall so I could straighten up without smacking my face into his. "Sorry." He muttered with a sigh and looked down at his bare feet.

"For what?" I was shocked and a little confused by the sudden flip of moods. Did he have BiPolar Disorder and no one thought to tell me? It felt mean to think so but I was honestly starting to wonder! It seemed the only logical reason for him being all over the place.

"Pinning you like that." Damon answered and stared levelly at me as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "It's just...well you know. It's been an emotional day."

"You got that right." I snorted in spite of myself then looked up to offer him a soft smile. "Why don't we just relax and go get some food? I hear that's what couples do all the time, no matter how new or old their relationship is."

That got a genuine smile from him and he nodded, leaving me by the door long enough to pull on some socks, shoes, and his leather jacket before we left. The conversation in the elevator down to the lobby was light-hearted, thankfully and consisted mostly of us arguing which fast food restaurant was better; McDonald's or Burger King.

"Oh come on!" He sputtered, causing me to laugh as he followed me off the elevator with his eyes rounded to about the size of quarters. "How can you dis the Whopper like that? It's a staple in America's culture."

"It is not!" I laughed out and turned to look at him, smiling my thanks when he held the door open for me then stepped out after I did. The sky was, of course, overcast and I wondered idly if it would start raining while we were out to eat. I hoped not, I hated to drive in the rain and Damon had driven all morning just to get us here. It didn't seemed fair to make him drive again just so I didn't have to risk putting us in a ditch. Though on the other hand....

"How is it not?" He challenged once we were in the car and I was buckling my seat belt.

Sighing, I just stared blankly at him for a second then threw my hands up in surrender. "I don't even know why I'm arguing this with you! Whataburger kicks both their asses and you know it!"

Damon stared at me for a second or two longer than he probably should have with the strangest look on his face. I could practically _see_ the wheels in his head turning, struggling to lock up together and turn that proverbial light bulb on. It clicked and he jumped in his seat with a rather loud 'ah' passing his lips. I could only laugh and shake my head as I pulled the car out of the hotel's parking lot and began to navigate my way toward the nearest restaurant.

"That place is nothing compared to Burger King." He admitted after a few minutes of silence, even going so far as to pout and cross his arms over his chest to emphaise his point as he slouched in the bucket seat.

I gaped openly at him as I slid to a stop at a red light then shook my head slowly as my fingers slid through the strands of hair behind my left ear. "You're so lucky you're cute or I'd make your ass get out and walk for saying stuff like that."

Damon blinked at least twice then looked quickly at me, probably to see if I was actually serious since my voice had come out so hushed yet shocked. "Yeah, yeah." He muttered and waved my focus to the front of the car with a tiny smile hinted on his face. "Just drive, okay? Besides, didn't anyone ever tell you that it's not nice to threaten the one with the money?"

"Crap!" I hissed and jokingly slapped my open palm against the steering wheel. "I'm gonna have some major sucking up to do, aren't I?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could, grinning a little in anticipation of his retort.

He didn't let me down, a cocky little smile fixed itself on his lips and he shrugged a shoulder as he turned his head to watch me as I pulled into a semi-crowded parking lot and searched for a space. "Massive amounts of sucking up."

I faked a deep sigh and let my shoulders slump. The car was turned off and keys were fisted in my hand before I looked over at him. "Guess that really sucks...considering the fact that I have a credit card." Blowing him a kiss, I winked at him then quickly vaulted out of the car. He joined me at the rear as I hit the keyless entry to lock the doors and idly smacked my ass.

Of course I hadn't been expecting it, so I jumped and turned to swat at him. Damon laughed, something I was probably never going to get sick of hearing, and grinned lazily as he threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I was surprised by the moment of PDA and felt my eyes widen when his lips brushed over my hair and the back of his fingers curled up and slid across my jaw. I smiled, mostly to myself and wound an arm around his waist. Sadly, he had to let me go when we reached the door and I went in ahead of him.

I'd been so caught up in our own little world that when the hostess gasped and dropped the menus she'd piled into her hands, I had to think about had startled her so much. Then I realized how I was standing and the clothes adorning my body. The left side of my neck was exposed and the collar of my jacket was pretty low thanks to me just throwing it on over a tank top when I left to go see Jasper. If Damon was bothered by it, he didn't really let it show. He simply smiled at the girl as he slid his hand into mine and requested a table in the non-smoking section.

She was a little slow in agreeing but once her eyes flickered from my damaged skin to the breath-taking features of his face, she nearly tripped over herself to serve him. _Him_, completely overlooking the fact that I was holding his hand in a death grip the entire way to the table. She put us in a booth in the back of the restaurant and Damon waited to sit down until I'd slid in on one side and got comfortable. The hostess stuttered out a few sentences, keeping her eyes trained on Damon then left us alone. I finally pulled my jacket off then and immediately wound my arms together.

Like that would get rid of the scars running down the left side of my body. Ha!

"Will you stop?" Damon sighed and folded his arms across the top of the table to stare impatiently at me.

"Stop what?" I asked and felt my eyebrow raise in confusion. Glancing down, I picked up on what he was referring to and rolled my eyes before looking to the inside of the booth. "I forget, you're new at this."

"New at what?" He asked but before I could say anything, the waitress had appeared and focused immediately on Damon. For once, I didn't mind. I didn't care that she was practically undressing him with her eyes. At first, because that meant she wasn't looking at me and hadn't seen how hideous I was compared to my date for the evening.

I just shrugged and looked away at his question. "Nothing."

He sighed again and I heard a faint curse word pass his lips. He even flopped back into his chair and when I looked up, his eyes were boring holes into me. I fidgeted just cause and frowned. "I'm not telling you so stop with the staring contest?"

Damon shrugged then resumed his previous posture, but he didn't let my discomfort go. "Is this about your neck showing?"

"I _know_ this is about my neck showing." I challenged and sent him a look that silently dared him to challenge me. "People look at you differently when you're disfigured, no matter what it is. Especially when you're out in public with a guy that looks like he just stepped out of a magazine ad. She's no doubt trying to figure out why in the hell you're wasting your time with me." I nodded once then snorted under my breath and let my eyes fall to the table. "Either that or she's just assuming I'm your sister."

A low growl filtered past his lips then, before I was even aware that he'd moved, Damon was up and leaning over the table. I looked up in surprise and immediately shut my eyes when his lips landed roughly on mine. He stayed still for a second, just holding the pressure he'd just applied then smoothly slid back into his seat seconds before our waitress appeared.

Okay, that was one way to ease away any doubt about me being percieved as his sister.


	20. What I've Done

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Probably one of the biggest chapters in the entire story! Well, the sequel anyway. I had to re-read __**Breathe**__ to remember everything accurately and noticed yet another inconsistincy. Sorry for not catching it sooner, but writing through the night while tired and not proofing properly never goes hand-in-hand. Just to clarify, Baylee's burn starts on the left side of her neck, at the hairline, then spirals down onto her back, covering some of the back of her left arm then going around to the left side of her belly. Hopefully that clears everything up and if y'all have questions, lemme know! It's just easier to do this than to go back and reload the entire story with it all fixed. I'm pretty sure I'd still miss something._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just a rookie having some fun._

* * *

**CHAPTER SONG: WHAT I'VE DONE - LINKIN PARK**

_"So let mercy come and wash away what I've done. I've faced myself to cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done. Put to rest what you thought of me. While I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty. So let mercy come and wash away what I've done. I've faced myself to cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done. I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends. I'm forgiving what I've done."_

* * *

**Chapter Twenty:**

No matter how much I'd done to mentally prepare myself, walking into the burn unit at Harboview Medical made me realize just how _un_prepared for it all I was. I'd thought that because I'd lived this life, that I knew the pain everyone around me was feeling, it wasn't enough. I'd been one of the lucky ones, not only in how fast my recovery had gone. But for another very simple reason, I'd been unconscious for a good portion of the hard part. The initial ER visit, the surgeries that transpired after it...everything.

It was a wonder I still had some sort of tolerance for painkillers after the months I would never be able to remember. Or want to. The fire had taken place on Christmas and I awoke fully in April. As far as I knew, my parents had died on the scene. There'd been no resusicating them when we were all finally pulled out of the fire. But what if that had been a lie?

What if I'd just been told what I wanted to hear, or _needed _to hear back then? What if my parents had suffered the way I had? I didn't so much care about Brandon feeling some of the excruciating pain I'd endured, but my mother? No matter what her faults, or how much of her self-worth Brandon had taken to keep her under his thumb, she didn't deserve one second of what I'd been faced with upon waking up in Baylor of Dallas.

As I slowly walked through the burn unit, I found myself thinking back to that fateful set of months that were just a haze to me now. From the moment I hit the floor, until I woke up to find Carlisle Cullen and his family in my hospital room, could I really be accurate in my memories? I remembered my parents' burial, yes. But I'd always wondered why it had taken place in April, instead of December. Or even January! Why four months after the fact? Were they even _in_ the coffins that had been closed before me, or was it all a charade put on for my benefit? Seemed like a massive waste of time to me, but I couldn't entirely be sure and I wasn't entirely convinced that I had enough strength to start searching for answers.

The past was gone. Long dead and left behind in Richardson. My life was here now, with the Cullens and in Forks, Washington. But still, there was no escaping how drastically my life changed the moment Brandon decided he'd had enough. And now here I was, over a year later having to face it all again.

With Damon at my side, no less. I had to be honest, when I envisioned doing something like this, talking and spending time with kids who once stood in the same shoes I still wore, I didn't really picture a guy like him at my side. I always imagined Jasper coming with me, holding my hand and smiling as I braced myself and faced long-hidden fears head on. He'd caught me so many other times, providing a silent support that I couldn't have gotten from anyone else. Or anywhere else, to be perfectly honest.

But I wasn't with Jasper. The connection I had to him was so damaged that I wasn't sure we'd ever find some kind of common ground again. There was just too much to take back, but still. As we grew closer and closer to the nurse's station, I realized belatedly that Jasper was the only one who knew my story. Damon had asked several times, trying his best to get me to talk about that night. But I never did. And part of me couldn't, even after he saw my bodily reminders. It was almost as if some kind of invisible door shut in my face and locked on it's own accord. It was almost as if I had this little voice in the back of my head, telling me that the moment I had with Jasper couldn't be duplicated with anyone else. That he was the only one who would ever get close enough to me to know all my secrets.

But after today, I had a feeling Damon would know. He'd see every single dark and horrible corner I'd tried to keep from him. He didn't come from a family like mine. His parents were still very much together, and looked totally in love. They reminded me of the Cullens more than they did the Carter family. I was the epitome of dysfunction, which probably proved to be the reason why I was having so many issues being in a relationship with Damon Spencer. Not to mention the doom I'd spelled out for my relationship with Jasper Hale.

We were from different worlds. Something I probably shouldn't have been thinking about as I told the nurse my name and waited for Dr. Davenport to come find me. But everything was swirling around so fast in my head that I couldn't pick and choose what to focus on. Today was a day for revelations, for me diving back into that part of my life. The most horrific moment of my life and laying it open for others to hear.

"Baylee." Dr. Richard Davenport looked exactly the same as he did the very first time I met him. A gentle smile was playing on his lips and with the way he was dressed, he looked more like he was getting ready for a day at Disneyworld than a day surrounded by patients. This was probably the most casual I'd ever seen my doctor look.

"Hi Dr. Davenport." I smiled warmly and reached out to slide my hand into his when he extended it toward me. We shook hands briefly then my arm fell back to my side.

"I'm so glad to see you up and around." His smile grew more prominant then, increasing the laugh lines around his eyes and lips. "And wearing actual clothes!"

I had to laugh at that, and so did Damon. I wasn't entirely sure if it was more for my benefit or the doctor's, but it drew attention onto him. "Sorry." I smiled sheepishly then gestured from Damon to the handsomely aging doctor in front of us. "Dr. Davenport, this is my boyfriend, Damon Spencer. I think Carlisle told you about him."

"He did." Richard Davenport agreed with a small nod of his head then smiled and shook Damon's hand. If he was surprised by my use of the b-word, it wasn't showing. Much to my relief. "Thank you for agreeing to come out and volunteer your time. It's so rare these days."

Damon laughed easily and nodded, looking perfectly at ease in his entirely-black ensemble. The ever-present leather jacket, plain black tee shirt, and black jeans. I was seriously beginning to wonder if he had any other colors in his wardrobe, or if he just liked the color way too much for it to be healthy. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." The Southern gentleman I saw so rarely was out in full form. And for my doctor, no less. "And I don't mind volunteering at all. It gives me a chance to kind of see what Baylee's been through."

"Understandable." He nodded then stopped talking in order to lead us over to a small cluster of chairs. Several sets of adults were milling around, looking out of place against the cheery, child-themed decor. I couldn't be sure if they were parents of burned children, or if they were volunteers waiting to be told what to do and where to go. I put it in the back of my mind for the time being and focused on the conversation suddenly flowing between Dr. Davenport and Damon.

"Baylee's situation is very rare, I have to tell you." He started out and my eyebrows raised slightly when his voice took a sudden grave turn. "I wasn't entirely sure of what her progress would be like when she was first brought to Harborview."

"You work miracles." I admitted ruefully, smiling lightly when the focus shifted suddenly on me.

"He does." Damon agreed and smiled at me before reaching out to lightly squeeze my hand. Then, just like that, his attention was back on the doctor. "But she is a little shy about the details surrounding her accident."

"Doesn't surprise me really." He admitted sheepishly and actually shot me a quick wink before going on. "One of the first things I learned about Ms. Carter is her secrecy. She was kind and very sweet to the staff here, but she didn't really let anyone get close to her. When she was first brought to us by Dr. Cullen, all we had to go on about her condition was what her doctors in Dallas had put in her files."

"Have you told anyone what happened that night?" I jerked in surprise and looked up, feeling rather guilty. And like I was suddenly on trial for something. Damon wasn't letting his aggravation show, but I knew him well enough by now to tell. He wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as Draven liked to say he thought.

"One person." I admitted, suddenly feeling rather defiant as I stared at my boyfriend. "It's not something I really go around talking about, Damon."

"Well," Dr. Davenport interjected quickly, yet seamlessly and pulled us back into a three-way conversation. "Part of the days' activites may require you to tell at least a little of your story. A section of the day has been devoted to a sort of support group activity. People will be able to get up and talk about how they recieved their burns. Some have even found it to be cleansing for them, a part of the healing process they didn't even know they needed."

Sadly, it was a part of the healing process I'd already accomplished. I didn't want a whole lot of people knowing about the destruction of my family. I didn't want to be painted as some kind of victim when I didn't feel like one. Yeah, I'd been dealt unspeakable horror at the hands of Brandon, but I'd overcome it and moved on. It was in the past and I didn't like to dwell on it. Besides, the only time I ever told someone what happened...it'd come on the heels of me attempting suicide.

That was _definitely_ something I didn't want Damon to know about. He already hated Jasper enough, how would he feel when he realized just how intricately he'd been woven into my life after the fire? There was enough animosity and I wasn't sure how much more I could stand. So the best decision, in my mind, was to just stay silent. There were some things that I just couldn't talk to Damon about, no matter how badly I found myself wanting to sometimes. There was no telling how he'd take things once he knew.

"Maybe you can help me convince Baylee to partake in that." Damon's voice brought me out of my thoughts and I frowned up at him instantly. Suddenly, I was wondering if this had been such a good idea or not.

"Maybe." Dr. Davenport was way too damn good at navigating through the possible landmines, but before he could say anything, someone standing behind us caught his attention. He was up on his feet within minutes and smiled as he outstretched his hand. "Jasper!" He exclaimed happily and I nearly fell out of my chair whirling around to see if it was really, truly him.

"Hi Dr. Davenport." He smiled bashfully and shook the doctor's hand before shoving both into the pockets of his jeans. How he could look as impossibly good as he did, I wasn't sure. But he just seemed to be a walking contrast to Damon. Whereas he was dressed to enhance his dark features, Jasper was like a walking ball of sunshine. A white thermal and tan leather jacket had been thrown on over a pair of artfully faded jeans, his tan combat boots completing the look. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Not at all!" He shook his head quickly then smiled down at me as I carefully climbed to my feet. I didn't need to look at Damon to feel the anger emanating off him right then. No doubt, I was going to be blamed for Jasper's sudden appearance and him not being warned ahead of time. "I figured at least one of Carlisle's children would accompany Baylee up here."

Jasper just shrugged then shot me a quick grin before he refocused on Dr. Davenport. "She actually wasn't told I had volunteered. But I figured it was the least I could do, for myself, since I'm living in Seattle now."

"Really?" He breathed and even rocked back on his heels slightly. Even though I hadn't spent a whole lot of time here, the Cullen family had become regular fixtures here. Especially among the doctors and nurses thanks to Carlisle's professional standing in Forks. "Well, we're grateful to have an extra set of hands for the day, even if it comes with a surprise."

"You could say that again." Damon muttered darkly and I briefly considered throwing an elbow into his ribs. Probably wouldn't do me much good, but at least I would feel better afterward. Maybe.

"Stop." I muttered and looked back to glare at him before Dr. Davenport began to usher us all into a new direction. This wasn't about us or the weird drama going on between us. I wasn't here to fight with anyone and suddenly felt the need to express that. "Doctor?" I started and lightly touched his arm to stop him. He did, looking back at me expectantly as Jasper stopped behind him and Damon froze beside me. "Could I have just a second with Damon and Jasper? We'll catch up."

"Okay." He nodded and smiled before lightly grasping my undamaged arm. "Take your time."

I waited until he was gone and completely out of earshot before I rounded on both boys. "Okay." I hissed and grabbed them both to drag them closer to me. I didn't want to cause a scene in a hospital, of all places. And especially on a day like today! "Here's the deal. I don't know what kind of rivalry or drama y'all have going on, but for today, it doesn't exist. This isn't about that, not today. We're here to volunteer time to kids who can't get out of the hospital right now and for me to deal with what happened to me. If I want to talk about it, I will. If I don't? Then don't even _consider_ trying to push me into it." I sighed then looked at Damon specifically. "I haven't exactly been all forthcoming with you and I know that. I have my reasons, okay?" When he nodded, I did too then trudged on. "And if you mess this up for me or make me look like an ass, I swear I will leave you here!"

Damon blinked then stared at me in open shock. I just smiled sweetly then lightly slapped them on the shoulder. "Now that we have that settled!" Then, without another word, I turned and went in the direction my doctor had disappeared to.

Finding him was relatively easy, he was talking to couple that were standing behind a small boy in a wheelchair. Instantly, I stopped and decided not to bother him. Whatever they were discussing had to be grim, judging by the expressions on the man and woman's face. But the boy, who had both arms wrapped tightly in white gauze, just looked sad. It broke my heart to see the look on his face, only a small amount of hope lighting his eyes. I didn't have to talk to the kid to know how desperately he wanted to get out of the hospital. At least for a little while.

I drew closer, being able to comiserate entirely and lightly cleared my throat. Dr. Davenport jumped instantly and the parents trained their weary eyes on me.

"Baylee!" He exclaimed happily then lightly drew an arm loosely around my shoulders. "I was just about to come looking for you."

"Here." I waved a hand slightly then turned my smile onto the parents. "Sorry for interrupting. I'm Baylee, a volunteer."

"Nice to meet you." The woman spoke first, not lifting her hands from the handles of her son's wheelchair as she hastily pasted on a weak smile. "I'm Olivia Andrews. This is my husband Steve and our son, Tyler."

"Nice to meet you too." I acknowledged her then smiled at her husband before kneeling down in front of the little boy. "Hey Tyler, I'm Baylee."

"Hi." He muttered and weirdly, some of the sadness slowly faded from his features. "Are you here to read to us?"

I smiled in spite of myself and lifted a shoulder in a small shrug. "I'm here to hang out with you guys today. If that includes reading, then awesome! Would you like that?"

Tyler Andrews paused for a second then looked back at his mom. I could see the strain in his angelic little features when he bent his neck into the position it needed to be so he could see his mother. "Can she read to me, Mama?"

Olivia Andrews looked uncertain for a second, casting glances at her husband, then the doctor before addressing her son. "If you want her to and she agrees, sure! But only one book, okay? I'm sure she has other things to do today."

"Nah." I shook my head then rose back to my full height, winking at the boy before I talked solely to his mom. "I'm pretty sure I'm just here to hang with whoever can stand me."

I heard laughter around me, no doubt from Dr. Davenport. But a couple other sounds resonated behind me and I was vaguely aware of Jasper and Damon coming up behind me.

"Maybe she can even sit out with you on the patio." Dr. Davenport smiled encouragingly at the boy, which caused his features to light up.

"Um," Mrs. Andrews interjected quickly, clearly panicking at the idea of her son being outside.

"I won't take him into direct sunlight." I offered hastily then reached up and pulled down the hood of my sweatshirt to expose my burned neck. "I'm a survivor too, not just a volunteer."

"Oh!" Olivia's entire demenor changed then and she actually stepped out from behind her son's chair to inspect my burns closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize!"

I waved off her apology but before I could say anything, Dr. Davenport came to my defense. "Baylee came to us last year with burns near the same degree as Tyler's, covering her upper body. Her recovery was rather remarkable."

My cheeks instantly began to stain crimson and the boy looked up at me in open curiosity and surprise. "Can I see your burns?" He blurted and I laughed a little before sinking back down to look at him without him having to strain.

"I can only show you some of them, buddy." I apologized then stuck my hand out. "But I tell you what, I'll show you what I can after a story or two. How does that sound?"

"Mama!" He shouted then looked up at her again after shoving his hand into mine. She smiled and nodded this time then lifted her eyes to meet mine.

"I don't see why not." Olivia Andrews shrugged then looked at her husband. "Maybe it'll help Tyler to talk to someone who's already recovered." She admitted then a hand flew to her mouth as she stared at me again.

"You're not assuming." I shook my head then smiled when Tyler's wheelchair started to scoot closer to me. I looked down at Tyler and grinned encouragingly. "That is, if he feels like talking."

"I don't care!" He was nearly jumping at the chance to talk to me, which was a little surprising. But it felt good to have this kid look at me like some kind of finished product. Weird, but it still felt good. And as I wheeled him away from his parents toward his room to grab a book, I strangely didn't spare Jasper or Damon a second glance.

The little boy in the wheelchair was just like a random bundle of nerves as I wheeled him outside then parked his chair next to a series of chairs and umbrellaed tables set up for family to relax. After I made sure he was well hidden by the shade, I slid into my seat next to him then rested my arms on my knees. "So what kind of books do you like to read?"

Tyler's entire face lit up as he manuevered in his chair to be able to see me clearly without having to strain his neck. After a second or two, he grunted in frustration and I quickly got up to reposition his chair. When I sat back down, he smiled gratefully then launched into his answer. "I really like the Harry Potter books. My mama won't let me read all of them yet, but I really like what I've read so far."

"Really?" I asked with a smile then curled a leg underneath me before propping my arm on the chair's rest then dropped my chin into my open palm. "How far have you gotten into the series? You might've actually read more than I have."

His smile got impossibly bigger then he was off, telling me all about the first three books he'd read and how he loved the plot twists. But I could tell he wanted to read some more and was frustrated that his mother wouldn't let him. "My mama says I'm not old enough yet but I think I am! They can't be that bad if other kids in my class have read them. It's not fair."

My heart broke a little, seeing the sadness seep back into his features as he stared down at his lap. "Well," I started with a small sigh then winked encouragingly at him when he looked up at me again. "Maybe she just needs some time to see how grown up you're getting. Parents are tough when it comes to watching their little ones grow up. Just give her some time and show her that you can handle what's in the books. I'm sure she'll come around." I had a sinking suspicion that the reason Olivia Andrews was keeping her son from reading more was the fact that his accident had caused him to become her baby boy in her eyes again. Tragedy always did that to parents. From what I'd heard, anyway.

"What about your mama and daddy?" Tyler asked suddenly, looking at me with so much earnest that I couldn't let myself feel any negative emotions toward him mentioning my own parents. "I bet they let you read whatever you want!"

"Within reason." I admitted with a wry smile. "My mama and daddy are still just as careful with me as yours are with you. But that's not a bad thing, it just means they're interested in the things you want to read and explore."

"But don't you ever get mad at them?"

I paused for a second or two to really think about his question and my answer. If it'd been my mom or the Cullens? No way would I have felt any kind of anger at them restricting me from something that maybe I wasn't ready to read yet. Brandon on the other hand? I probably would've beat him with the book in question. Especially one of those Harry Potter books. Damn things were huge!

"I used to." I admitted with a small nod then reached out and lightly touched his shoulder. When he didn't flinch, I knew that the burns didn't extend that high up his arms. "But not anymore. I like that I have people in my life who care about me." As much as I hated to have to lie to this kid, I found myself realizing that I didn't really _want_ it to be a lie. I wanted to be able to say that, yes Dr. Cullen and his wife were my parents. Sure, it wouldn't be true in matters of DNA and blood, but did that really matter?

What mattered most was the love and understanding we'd somehow built up within the course of the year. And as I continued to talk to Tyler, and eventually take him back to his room so we could read, I remembered something Carlisle had said when he told me when he came to explain my placement with the Cullens.

When I got home, I was going to have to sit down and talk to Carlisle and Esme. Fast.


	21. This Way

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ So sorry for the delays. I got a bit tied up with reality. But I'm back now and the story's once again flowing. Hope you enjoy. Sorry for typos, I probably didn't catch a single one._

_Stephenie Meyer's the mastermind, I just take credit for originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: THIS WAY - MICHELLE BRANCH**

_"I don't know how long you've been holding on. I don't know how long everything's been my fault. It's getting easier to take the blame. It's getting easier to try and change. Too many times I have told you that I was okay. But I'm finally feeling like I can explain myself, I'm not claiming that I know everything. No, I'm not, because you made me this way.I don't know how long I can justify it. I'm tired of making up reasons, you're not on my side."_

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**Chapter Twenty-One:**

The rest of the day passed in a surprising blur of activity and chaos. I couldn't really let myself think as I talked to children, read them stories, and recounted the less horrible parts of my own tale. In the back of my mind, I knew that I would someday have to tell the whole story again, at least one more time, but the prospect was still just as daunting as it'd been when I told Jasper.

It still surprised me sometimes just how terrified I'd been the night I came clean, as well as the night I exposed my burned body to him for the first time. It was like peeling a layer of my skin off and going around yelling 'look at me'! For someone who had never really wanted to be center of attention, having scars as bad as mine didn't really help keep me in shadows. I was either gawked at, bombared with questions, or just silently stared at in horror.

But not today. Today I was one of the majority, as sad as it was to say. While it hurt to see so many children having survived the same kind of pain I had, and probably remembered more of it than I did, it all gave me a new sense of appreciation.

I was still alive, walking and talking. I was able to go on with my life and had a boyfriend that I'd never dreamed would give me the time of day. But, if I was being secretly honest with myself, he wasn't who my heart was fully screaming for. Yes, it was amazing to watch Damon interact with children that most people would shy away from, but it didn't feel entirely right. Which bugged me, since I couldn't entirely put my finger on the reason why.

And then there was Jasper, a quiet sign of strength that hung back and watched everything go on around him. He didn't really interact with very many people but it was definitely cute to watch a few girls a year or two younger than me sigh dreamily after him. When he noticed, he smiled and entertained them for a few minutes before gently reminding them that him showing interest was technically illegal in the state of Washington.

Yeah, I wish I could say that deterred them. It didn't. It was like he had some kind of magnet embedded deep under his skin that only seemed to attract blonde girls that didn't really understand the meaning of the word 'no'.

But I did have one thing to say about the whole situation with my childhood friend, it was amusing as hell! He'd always been a little uncomfortable with attention and his teenage years hadn't really done anything to fix that.

Snickering in spite of myself, I was so lost in my own thoughts that the irriated sigh coming from my right didnt register until it was already gone. Looking over, I had to force myself not to look so surprised at Damon now sitting beside me. This had been happening all day, much to my dismay. I wasn't really let out of his sight for extended periods of time and I couldn't help wondering if he'd still be doing this if Jasper hadn't decided to come volunteer.

Good mood broken, I frowned a little and tucked stray hairs behind my ears. "Okay, what's with the shadowing act? Damon, you're supposed to be interacting with the patients too."

He shrugged and glanced out at the gathering of people before his gaze locked on me again. Fingers intertwined before being locked between the folds of dark denim stretched over his knees. "I have been volunteering. But I also came up here with the intention of spending time with you. I figured you wouldn't mind, especially after everything that's already happened on this trip."

For a split second, a very quick instant, I wanted to haul off and punch him. The shadowing was one thing, but the underlying attitude? I'd warned him. Hell, I'd warned both boys with the exact same words, in the exact same tone. Why was Jasper having an okay time following my request but Damon wasn't? Wasn't _Damon_ the one that was supposed to be giving me the room to experience this the way I needed to, instead of making it all about him?

Or at least, make me _feel_ like he was trying to make this all about him.

"Damon." I muttered then paused to breathe in deeply through my nose. He watched in amusement as I let it out then bodily turned to face him better. "I do want to spend time with you today. But I'm not here to be with you. We could've stayed in Forks and I wouldn't be wasting Carlisle's money or putting miles on my car. I'm here to experience this and to help kids that are in shoes I used to fill."

"Ahh." He nodded and nodded very slowly, looking almost sly as he gazed at me sideways. "Shoes that I still don't even get to look at, right?"

Frustration got the better of me. A few people looked over when a strangled scream passed my lips but I only noticed because of the sharp turn of Damon's head. My eyes were locked on tree branches above my head. "Fine." I sighed, my voice flat as I straightened up and shrugged. "Since you obviously can't leave it alone or wait for me to tell you this in privacy, we'll have this conversation here!" Grinning sarcastically at him, I lightly slapped my hands on my thighs and leaned onto my arms. "Which part would you like to hear about first? About my stepfather turning my mom into a walking punching bag? I only learned about makeup so I could hide the bruises he started giving me when he deemed me old enough to take the punishment. Or are we being more specific, like the night of the fire? When I walked in on Brandon screaming at my mom for being a useless waste of space? Or that the fire that caused these burns had two points of origin? My mother had to let dinner burn that night because she was too busy being thrown around like a rag doll. The second was in the living room, the curtains caught after lit candles were thrown because my mom decided to fight back. Finally. Do you want me to tell you that I couldn't escape cause of a dislocated knee? Or that I was barely conscious? My mother pushed my stepfather so hard into a table full of candles that she knocked herself out in the process. They never regained consciousness and it was sheer luck that I survived. A firefighter dragged me out of my burning house and I've been in agony ever since." I was nearly spitting the words out at this point, feeling eyes on me as my cheeks flushed and stained red with anger. I could feel a certain pair of eyes on me but I couldn't look away. Not from Damon's angry and dark eyes.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" I finally asked and shot to my feet when I realized my voice cracking was also bringing tears to my eyes. I was sick of crying over this, of feeling like a wound was being reopened by talking about it. Maybe I was just torturing myself by not talking about the night of the fire. But it was just...easier. It was easier to pretend to be normal and block those painful memories out. Granted at the time, I'd had Jasper to lean on. He had made things so much easier but now I didn't have him to depend on.

Realizing that part of that outcome had been my fault, more tears filled my eyes and I had to blink rapidly to make them go away. Sighing, my shoulders slumped and I stared down at the man I considered my boyfriend. The one person in this world that was supposed to have my back and be what I needed. "Or would you like to know about the scar on the inside of my left wrist? That I actually cried when I was found and couldn't finish what I started. I've wanted to die so many times since I was eight years old that I lost count. I didn't grow up the way you did, Damon. I didn't have parents that loved me and wished for me to have a promising future. I don't respond well to being pushed and I _damn sure_ don't like being pushed around. Anger and jealousy's going to get you nowhere with me. So either get the hell over yourself and accept me as I am, or stay the hell away from me when we get back to Forks."

I still had eyes on me as I pivoted on my heel and walked away from Damon, leaving him sitting on a wooden bench shaded by trees that were finally getting their leaves back. Heading into the hospital, I made a direct beeline for the parking lot. I just wanted in my car. I wasn't going to leave, I wasn't mean enough to strand Damon here when he didn't know his way around.

But I was so mad, _furious_ that I'd been baited the way I had. I still couldn't understand why he couldn't just exact some patience and let me tell him when I was ready. Why was it so damn important for him to know and know _now_?!

The answer to that question struck me just as the sound of shoes echoing on asphalt hit my ears. Turning, I sighed and closed my eyes when I saw Jasper stop in front of me. "Let me guess." I sighed and yanked my keys from my pocket. "You heard the whole thing."

"Guilty." He nodded then closed the distance between us to take my keys. I let him, moving around almost zombie-like to the passenger side before sliding into the seat. Jasper didn't do anything once he was behind the wheel. He just closed his door, hit the lock and set my keys in the console. "But I was also pretty close to you too. I saw the look you gave him right before you let him have it."

"Great." I sighed and flung my head back against the headrest behind me, tears stinging my eyes yet again. "I bet I provided a lot of entertainment today."

I saw Jasper shrug when I finally opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. "It doesn't matter. Baylee, you're there to heal just as much as those kids are. Just because you've physically gotten your life back, doesn't mean that you're all caught up with the emotional too. And that's all I'm going to say cause you really won't like my opinion of your boyfriend's behavior in there."

"Just say it." I sighed and raised a hand to silently wave him on. "He already hates you, though I can't understand why. I don't really talk about you."

"I meant something to you once." He supplied and it hurt to see there were no traces of humor or amusement on his features. His eyes were flat, almost cold with sadness. "He'll never hold the kind of place I did, be to you what I was. I'm not trying to boost myself up here, Bay. I'm not. But you're right, you didn't grow up the way he did. _I _didn't grow up the way he did. I sadly had a better shot at it than you did, but there are just things he's never going to be able to understand. He'll never understand the losses you've suffered, but I will. I do cause I'm in a similar boat. Baylee, he doesn't know how to deal with everything you've seen and I'm willing to bet? He doesn't know how to handle the place I've held in your life. I doubt he's ever tried to commit suicide."

"You heard that, huh?" I breathed and winced when he nodded. The grimace still contorted my features before smoothing out as I stared at the windshield in front of me. "I didn't want to tell him you found me cause it would just start a fight. It's like...it's like he doesn't even _want_ to understand how much you've helped me over the years."

"Cause he doesn't know _why_ I had to help you in the first place!" I really hated it when he made sense. "But if you can't talk to him about your past, what kind of future are you going to be able to have? Baylee, if he gets upset by you mentioning me in a pivotal moment of your past...?"

Okay, I _really_ hated it when he made sense! If he kept this up, I was seriously going to kick him.

"I wish I knew what to do." I finally muttered after a few minutes of silence. My eyes were starting to sting again with unshed tears but I pushed that to the back of my mind. I had to admit that it honestly felt good to sit here with Jasper like this, having him help me understand my life going off the rails again. Granted, this was nothing in comparison to the other times I'd danced on rock bottom, but still....

"I wish I knew what to tell you." He finally admitted and gave me a sad smile when our eyes met again. "You never like to talk about the things you shouldn't keep inside. I just want you to have someone that you can talk to about it when you _do_ finally decide to."

I could only stare at him in confusion for a second before understanding dawned through my brain. Of course, he was referrencing the morning we left for Santa Cruz. He'd been trying to apologize for not being able to keep in touch with me and I'd pushed him away.

All because I didn't want to think about that time in my life.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let you in." I finally admitted, rather bashfully then yelped when a sudden crash against my window broke our safe haven. Looking up, I was met instantly by the cold stare of my enraged boyfriend. Great. But things got even worse when Jasper smoothly exited the car before I could even _think _of hitting the lock button.

Scrambling out, I snatched my keys just in time to see Jasper coming around the trunk and Damon going to meet him.

"What the hell, man?" He hissed, hands balled into fists at his sides. "I come out here to see you all cozy with Baylee in her car? In case you forgot dude, she's _my_ girlfriend."

"Yeah?" Jasper asked and raised an eyebrow slightly, looking scarily in control as he faced off with Damon. "_Your_ girlfriend needed someone to talk to, I just happened to be the one that followed her. Why do you have to push her so much about her past? From what I gather, it's not like you react well to what she has to say."

"That's none of your damn business." Damon snarled and snuck a quick glance at me before he reached out and grabbed my wrist. "Come on, it's time to go. We need to get back to Forks anyway."

"No." I retorted, stubbornly and yanked my arm from his grasp. The angry facade cracked for a second and I saw genuine hurt in his eyes. But it faded quickly and was replaced with a blind hatred that I was all-too familiar with. "I have an obligation to the people in that hospital. People who can help me get on track with the career I'm choosing. Now I'm sorry if you can't handle me and the timeline I use to do things. But I'm not going to apologize for letting Jasper calm me down! I'm sick of letting you make me feel like crap just because he happens to mean something to me!"

"You were best friends years ago!" He sputtered and I had a brief inkling that he was reaching for things to say. Verbal weapons to throw at me. "So what? Baylee, you gotta let go. He obviously has! Do you _not_ remember him ditching you for the blonde he paraded around your house at Christmas?"

I winced and noticed through my periphial vision that Jasper had too. "Low blow." I muttered darkly and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Suddenly I was thankful for the hoodie I'd thrown on this morning. I just wish I could've forseen being preview to a verbal sparring match in the parking lot. "He was more to me than a best friend when we were kids."

"Yeah, his family took you in. Got that memo too!" He shouted, even flailed his arms around enough that it caused my anger to spike yet again.

I'd had enough. Enough of Damon and his mood swings. Enough of Jasper and the rollercoaster I felt like I'd been on since the night of his graduation party. I'd just had _enough_.

"Yeah, Jasper's family took me in." I agreed and tilted my head back to glare defiantly up at him. "But if he hadn't busted into my bathroom right before this past summer started, then I would've succeeded in killing myself! Jasper saved my _life_, Damon. Even when I didn't want him to and I'm always going to be grateful to him for that. And if you don't like it?" I had to stop there to gasp for breath, my words streaming out in a heated rush of anger and frustration. "Then too damn bad! And find your own way back to Forks. I don't want to be anywhere _near_ you right now. You're rich enough, and enough of a flirt." I shrugged then, feeling very flippant and uncaring as I stepped back from him and Jasper. "I'm sure you can find a ride home."

Then, without thinking twice, I slid into my car and reved the engine to a sickening decipal before I yanked the car out of it's parking space and sped off toward the hotel I wouldn't be sharing with Damon for another night. Yeah, I was letting anger cloud my judgement and yes, it was mean as hell to leave Damon standing there stranded. But I just didn't care. I was sick of caring! So beyond it that I just wanted to be left alone.

This was not the kind of ending I could've envisioned with the guy I'd given my virginity to. Not by a longshot.

Tears didn't start blurring my vision until I reached the hotel and parked. Once the engine was off, heat no longer blasting onto the legs of my jeans, my hands slid pitifully from the wheel. I very rarely let myself cry. It was a 'luxury' that I hadn't grown up with. If Brandon had ever caught me crying, I got a hand to the back of the head and a legitmate reason to cry.

According to him anyway. I was still sitting in my parked car about ten minutes later when I heard the roar of an obviously messed-with engine slid up beside me. I hadn't even noticed that the spot next to mine was vacant until sunlight bounced off a glossy black paintjob. Of course, I wanted to immediately hide when I recognized the passenger.

Damon had found his ride after all.

The sunlight also bounced off honey blonde curls when the drive stepped out of the very beautifully restored muscle car, a Dodge Charger that looked to have all original detailing. Clearly Carlisle had been lenient with Jasper's allowance.

Damon stepped out and shielded his eyes behind a pair black Raybans. I smiled faintly while remembering hiding those sunglasses once. It hadn't really ended well for _my_ sunglasses, much to my dismay. But Damon had surprised me and let me wear his sunglasses until we got mine replaced. Which he paid for.

With those memories still in the forefront of my mind, I left the silence of my own vehicle and joined the boys on the sidewalk. Damon wouldn't look at me, his face set in anger still. Jasper just shrugged helplessly at me when I caught his attention. I mouthed my thanks to him then unconsciously led the way up to our room. I could tell Jasper was torn as he crossed the threshold behind Damon, me holding the door open for both. It clicked closed loudly and I frowned at it before focusing on the testosterone silently filling up the room.

"Do you really not want to ride back to Forks with me?" Damon asked. Rather bluntly, which got him a sharp look from Jasper that he ignored.

I just shrugged and let my keys slide from my hand onto the desk in front of our bed. I shed my hoodie then turned and leaned back against the edge of that same desk, fingers tucked in my front pockets with my upper body boldly outlined in a tank top. "I honestly don't know. I'm getting really sick of your attitude, Damon. We fight more than anything else."

Throwing a quick glare at Jasper, he then ignored him and moved to stand in front of me. I didn't resist when he grabbed my wrist and lightly pulled my hand into his larger ones. "I'm sorry." He sighed and focused on our fingers instead of meeting my gaze. "I just got crazy and there's no real excuse for it."

"You're right." I nodded matter-of-factly and finally pulled my hand from his grasp. He flinched as if I'd slapped him but regained his composure really quickly. "There isn't an excuse for how you handled things today. Today wasn't supposed to be about you and yet you went and showed your ass anyway! You didn't let me out of your sight and I have this sinking suspicion it's because Jasper was there too!"

Anger flashed through his dark eyes, but he surprised me by looking at me instead of my silent foster brother. "That probably had something to do with it, yeah. Baylee, I can't compete with him when it comes to meaning something to you."

I just blinked and stared up at him in disbelief before I shook my head. Jasper cleared his throat then and quietly excused himself, winking at me before he left the room. I remembered that code and made a mental note to call him when I got a free moment. Alone.

"Who said you had to compete with Jasper?" I asked softly, still so surprised that it had leaked into my voice as well. "Damon, I'm with_ you_. _You're_ the first person I've ever had sex with. Doesn't that mean something?"

"Yeah." He sighed and angrily swiped a hand through his hair before backing up to plop down on the edge of our bed. "It does, believe me." He admitted then looked up at me helplessly as he held a hand out for me to take.

I did, sighing as I moved to stand between his knees. He buried his face in my stomach for a second before he looked up and his hands slid down to my thighs. "I'm sorry, I just get crazy sometimes. I know it's not what you need, especially not today. But I have to be honest, I have issues with that guy! And some insecurity when I realize just how much you've trusted him, but not me."

"Cause you haven't given me a chance to!" I blurted out, frustration edging into my voice. I sighed then and raked both hands over my face before I turned and sat down beside him. "Damon, Jasper has known me almost my entire life. He knows how to handle me. I'm not exactly forthcoming with my past and I will apologize to a certain degree for that. But most of the time, I don't want to talk to you about that because you always get pissed when I mention his name. I won't feel bad for our history, I'd never do that to you if the roles were reversed."

"You're right." He admitted with a sigh and a nod before pitching back onto the bed. I turned and tucked a leg underneath me to watch him. He stayed still for a solid minute then he was looking at me again. "But I'm still jealous of the guy. I'm still waiting for that moment when you're gonna realize you want him more than me. Especially now that he's single and talking to you again."

Before I could stop it, a disgusted sound filled my throat and I grimaced before pivoting to my feet. "And _that_ right there is why I don't want to go back to Forks with you!" I shouted and whirled back to face him. "You don't give me enough damn credit! Do you really think I'd do that to you? I mean, honestly."

"Honestly?" Damon paused just long enough for me to suck air into my lungs before making me feel like he'd just punched it all out of me. "Yeah. You're gonna run back to Jasper first chance you get and there isn't a damn thing I can do to stop it."


	22. All I Need

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ I am SO SO sorry that it's taken me so long to get a chapter out to you guys. Being a pregnant military wife with a recently deployed husband isn't really condusive to the writing process at the moment. But hopefully it'll be a little easier for me to get all this written and posted for y'all to read. Thanks so much for the patience, it means so much and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I apologize for all typos, I can't catch them all. This chapter's been reuploaded to fix a small timeline glitch._

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I'm just in charge of originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: ALL I NEED - WITHIN TEMPTATION**

_"I'm here on the edge again, I wish I could let it go. I know that I'm only one step away from turning around. Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace. Don't tear me down for all I need. Make my heart a better place. Give me something I can believe. Don't tear it down, what's left of me. Make my heart a better place. I've tried so many times but nothing was real. Make it fade away, don't break me down. I want to believe that this is for real. Save me from my fear, don't tear me down."_

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two:**

As soon as Damon answered my question, I didn't want to be anywhere _near_ him. I still couldn't believe he'd said that, how he could have such little faith in me when it came to Jasper.

But part of me was also glad he'd said it. If he really felt this way, I had no business being with him. We were starting to bring the worst out in each other.

Truth be told, I had no business being with _anyone_. Even though I'd done my very best not to, I had still jumped from Jasper to Damon. I was still carrying scars and open wounds from how everything ended with him. I knew that not every relationship that ended was going to be clean cut and full of ideal closure. But to have _never_ actually talked about the reasons the relationship ended?

Well that was something we couldn't do without one of two possible reactions. I'd become too used to running from him while he had grown accustomed to yelling at me. Needless to say, we hadn't really developed the best habits while in each other's lives romantically.

But yet I was still in Seattle. Damon had decided to flash his credit card and rented a car. Our goodbyes had been pretty much non-existant and I couldn't be certain of that changing once I got back to Forks. After making sure that he had the car and was all set to go, I returned to the motel to finish packing and load my own car up. Guilt was starting to nag at me already, I hated that I'd forced him to find his own way home. That was the one thing I'd said I wouldn't do, no matter how angry the dude made me.

But I just needed a break from him. I needed a break from it all, really. I just wanted some peace and quiet, where I didn't have to worry about Damon or Jasper or...anyone. All this drama was really starting to weigh heavily on me and I didn't know how to get out from underneath it.

Just when I felt like I had one thing figured out, fifty more new problems popped up and demanded my undivided attention.

Sighing as I walked into my hotel room for the last time, I sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and just stared around the space. All of Damon's stuff was gone, naturally, but it gave the room a weird sort of look. I couldn't explain it properly, I guess I was too used to seeing his bag sitting beside mine. Even though it'd only been a weekend, the past two days had felt like a hell of alot longer. I turned then and sighed as I ran my hand over the wide bed, creating an arch around where I sat before my arm gradually slid back into my lap.

I'd lost my virginity in this room. While I didn't feel any different physically, I knew that mentally and emotionally I'd changed. I couldn't take this weekend and the choices I'd made back. I had to stand up and take responsibility for my actions, no matter how difficult that was going to be. It was on me to figure out how my life turned out from here, if I was going to stay with a man quickly becoming consumed with jealousy or if I was just going to cut my losses and be alone.

That felt like the logical choice, deep in my head. But my heart was screaming another story. I didn't want the same results with Damon that I'd had with Jasper. To this day, I felt like I'd never given our relationship a fair shot. What if I did the same with Damon? What if I followed through with this decision and added on the guilt of our failed relationship to what I was already carrying around?

My head was spinning and all I honestly wanted to do was hide under a very thick blanket and not come out for days. Weeks if I could manage it. But I would never be able to do that, I wasn't the type of person that could just hide from it all. No matter how hard I tried and there were definite times when I put in one hell of an effort.

I had a hell of a mess waiting on me in Forks, that much I knew. It wasn't going to be as simple as not coming home when Carlisle and Esme expected me and missing a day of school. No, I would have to face the mess I'd created and pulled Damon into. I needed to figure out what I wanted and stick to it.

Damon and Jasper hadn't done a single thing to me to deserve this, to warrent being pushed and pulled around by me. But as I sat, looking around four bare walls painted a lovely shade of bland, I saw my mistakes. They were as clear as if they'd been written on the wall in front of me.

I would never fully get over Jasper, not with him as engrained in my life as he was and would be if I followed through on my plan for when I returned to Forks. There was too much history with him and the wounds would always be there, even if they just scabbed over and eventually hardened with time and neglect. And who was to say that these scars from Jasper would stay the same size in my next relationship?

What if being with Damon was just making those scars deeper and harder to keep closed? My initial attraction to Damon Spencer had stemmed from the plain fact that I had a clean slate with him. He hadn't known about the fire, my parents' death, or any of my back history when he ran into me that fateful night in the grocery store. I could build a past with him and have it inclue whatever I wanted. Or at least that was what I had thought at the time. I figured that maybe, just _maybe_ I could control the way things progressed and how my past influenced my future with Damon if I worked hard enough.

But there were things that I just could not ignore anymore. There were things I felt with Jasper that I would just never be able to feel with Damon. Ever. I'd fought that conclusion for so long that it took looking back on the more pleasant memories for me to remember that.

With Jasper, even when we fought I felt safe. No matter what was happening between us, I knew that he would never hurt me. I'd never have to worry about him taking a page from Brandon's book. But I'd never been able to let him in fully and prevent myself from pushing him away again.

I seemed to have a habit of doing that with the men in my life. But with Damon, it felt a little different. There was a dangerousness to him that I just couldn't ignore. He had a darkness in him that always looked to be on the verge of exploding. Combine that with the fact that I knew next to nothing about his past...it had me worried.

A small whine passed my lips and my head fell into my hands. I was going in mental circles with no hope of breaking it. No matter what, I just couldn't reach some solid kind of conclusion. It always came back to Damon or Jasper. Who was I going to hurt this time?

"I hate relationships." I muttered into my palms but looked up quickly when a sudden knock vibrated off the front door of my room. I quickly crossed the room and threw the door open, my surprise growing when Jasper appeared in front of me. There was something obviously wrong, judging by the tight line of his lips and eyebrows. But something told me he wasn't here to talk.

"What's up?" I asked, stepping aside to wave him in. I knew he wasn't going to talk to me, but I couldn't just leave him out in the hall.

He came in without a word then turned and faced me as I closed the door slowly. "How set are you on going back to Forks tomorrow?"

I mentally floundered but slowly shrugged my shoulders as I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. "Carlisle and Esme are expecting me home. I have school and...things to talk care of."

He must have been able to guess what my 'things' were and winced as he looked away.

"Sorry." I muttered instinctively then sighed and plunged a hand through my hair as I passed his body to sit on the bed again. "Why are you asking about my travel plans? I thought we'd pretty much said our goodbyes at the hospital."

"We did." Jasper nodded a little then pivoted on his heel to look at me once I was settled and as comfortable as I was gonna get. "But I need to get out of Washington for a little while. I'm taking a small leave of absence, my courseload can wait. I just...don't want to go alone."

"Where are you wanting to go?" I asked and raised an eyebrow slightly.

A quiet sigh passed his lips before he bent at the knee and slid into a sitting position on the bed in front of me. "Richardson. It's as good a place as any and I haven't been there since the Cullens adopted me."

My throat constricted so violently that I nearly gagged when I tried to bring air into my lungs. Richardson. A place I hadn't seen since Carlisle stepped in to act as my legal guardian. Now that I was eighteen, there was nothing holding me to Forks or the family. Except for school and my emmense love for them. But as I sat there studying the subtle changes to Jasper's expression, I felt a fierce yearning ignite in my chest.

I _wanted_ to go to Richardson. I didn't want to go back to Forks and deal with Damon. How could I when I had absolutely no idea what it was I wanted? Or rather, _who_ I wanted.

"Esme won't go for it." I muttered quietly, my lips suddenly feeling very numb.

"Who says we have to tell her before we leave?" He asked and I saw a weird glow growing in his eyes. He was determined to go, asking me was just a small stop along the way. "Baylee, we grew up there and we're both over the age of eighteen. Can you honestly tell me one thing you have to get back to that can't wait?"

I should've said Damon. That should have been my first answer with no hesitations. But I couldn't. His name just would not pass my lips, not as an excuse to say no to Jasper.

"Can you?" He gently prodded after another beat of silence on my part. I jerked a little in surprise when his hand gently closed around my right wrist. I looked down and felt a little awed when I realized he was stopping me from shredding the small hole I'd accidentally torn in my shirt sleeve.

"Why're you asking me to go?" I asked quietly and bit my lower lip lightly. I couldn't look up at him, I _refused_ to in a way. Looking up at him would shake my barely-there resolve. Just moments before, I'd been searching for some kind of excuse not to go back to Forks. I didn't want to have to face everyone again and admit another failure in the love department. But I had to know why Jasper was doing this. Did he just have some kind of freaky ESP thing that honed in on my secret little wish?

"Because it's your hometown." Oh that was such a generic answer! I glared at him for a second, just long enough for him to look sheepish enough to admit the truth. "Okay!" He sighed and frowned prominantly at me before the look faded. "I want you to come with me. I know that a road trip isn't going to fix everything that's wrong with us, but...I don't know." He sighed and shrugged.

My guard instantly went up. There was something he wasn't telling me and I didn't really know how to get him to spill. This was big, major probably if he was trailing off then punking out. In all the years I'd known him, I'd never once thought that Jasper would be the type to just cut and run from whatever was going on in his world.

And now, standing face to face with him; I had a sinking suspicion that was exactly what he was trying to do.

"Tell me why you're wanting to go, and have me go with you, and I'll give you my answer." I challenged quietly, my voice low but thankfully a little authoritive as I crossed my arms over my chest and balanced my weight unevenly on my legs. There was no way I was gonna agree to something until I knew _exactly_ what I was getting myself into.

A long sigh fell from Jasper's lips then and when he shifted, I grew even more worried. This wasn't the Jasper I knew and still secretly adored. "I just need to get out." He eventually revealed, giving me the saddest look he could before he slid to the edge of the bed then prepared to stand. "But you don't have to come with me, Bay. Esme and Carlisle will probably be pissed and I don't want to dump that on your shoulders."

I was still undecided as I watched his hands curl around the thighs of his jeans, but as soon as he climbed to his feet; there was no way I was going to be able to let him go all the way to Richardson alone.

"Are you wanting to drive it?" I asked, my voice quiet but filled with defeat. I was going. "And for the record, this is crazy!"

Jasper turned then, his hand poised over the knob of the door and gave me a bitter little grin. "That's half the fun of it though. The Bay I remember was always up for anything, no matter how crazy it was or how much trouble we got into."

"That Bay had more clothes to her name and hadn't started caring yet." I muttered darkly then reached out and slung my packed bag onto my shoulder. "Can we at least do one thing first?"

"Depends on what it is." He shot back almost instantly. The look on his face screamed that I was about to have a hard time with whatever proposal I sprung on him.

Impulsively, I stuck my tongue out at him and ushered for him to leave the room. "I was just wanting to sneak back to the house and steal some clothes. Sheesh, so mistrusting."

"Without speaking to Carlisle and Esme?"

This time, the impulse was to smack him with my duffel. "Yes." I finally nodded and stared up at him plainly. "Without talking to Carlisle and Esme. I guess everything can wait. I kinda miss our hometown too."

"That's my girl!" Jasper suddenly crowed and grabbed me up into a huge hug once we were out in the hall. A couple passing by gave us a weird look, but I didn't let it bother me. I couldn't, I was too busy focusing on the warm rush of pleasure that ran throughout my entire body.

All because I had his damn arms around my shoulders! Wow, was I a lost cause or what?

* * *

Breaking into the Cullens' house was a lot more difficult than I would've imagined it to be. I'd tried to pick a time of the day when almost everyone was gone. Carlisle worked more than any average guy his age should and Esme was a social butterfly that thrived on small-town charm. Edward and Alice were supposed to be at school, since we had waited to leave in order to plan this all exactly right. Or rather, common sense had kicked in and I kicked Jasper out for the night. No way did we have any business doing a four-hour drive at night when we were both running on little to no sleep and adrenaline. Besides, I still had my room for the night and I secretly wanted to prove to myself that I could make this decision and stick with it.

Too bad all the planning had been useless. As soon as I walked into the house, there was Alice. She was glowering at me as I slowly walked down the hall toward my bedroom. I could feel the heat of her stare as I repacked then grabbed my school supplies. If nothing else, I could bribe her with the information that I would be keeping up on the road.

"So where are you going now?" She asked, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. In any other instance, she would have been furious over wrinkling her designer top. But oh no, not right then!

"School." I answered automatically and gave her the brightest smile I could muster under the circumstances. I hated to see Alice mad at me and knew by the look on her face that she was definitely unhappy with me. She could probably tell something was up and I had a feeling she was hurt that I wasn't letting her in on it.

"Try again." She blurted, her elfin face stoic and closed off. "Otherwise I call Esme and have her come home early."

"Alice!" I whined then sighed and flopped onto the edge of my bed. "I don't have time to tell you the whole story."

"Then give me an abbreviated version!" She exploded, complete with her tiny arms whirling through the air before she turned and plopped down beside me. "We've never kept secrets, Baylee. And ever since you met Damon, you've become one giant secret. I don't like it."

Tears automatically dewed up in my eyes and I quickly threw my arms around my tiny sister's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Alice. It's just all changing so fast." I blew out a noisy little breath then tucked my head carefully into the curve of her shoulder as she wound her arms around my waist. "But what I tell you _has_ to stay between us, please?"

"Of course." She suddenly sounded offended, I didn't need to look up at her for confirmation on that. "I won't tell a soul, I promise."

So with a heavy sigh, I told her everything as quickly as possible. I even sat up when I got to the part of Damon and Jasper silently squaring off, then of Damon leaving Seattle early after exploding on me. She went from looking surprised as all hell, probably from me telling her that I'd had sex with Damon, to looking beyond pissed off at the mention of him assuming I was going to go running back to Jasper now that he and Miranda had split up.

"What a jackass." She huffed with a small shake of her head. "No wonder he was hanging around here last night."

I groaned and immediately fell back onto the bed, hands covering my face. "Great, just what I need!"

"He's not going to give up, Baylee." Alice announced quietly then turned in her seat to face me. "Now why're you sneaking in here to pack more clothes?"

I huffed and sat up on my elbows. "After Damon left, Jasper showed up at my hotel and asked me to go to Texas with him. I said I would."

"You _what_?" She screeched and launched to her feet. I scrambled up also and latched onto her before she could do what I assumed would be a lurch for the nearest phone. "Is he with you?"

"Yes." I hissed and grabbed both of her arms so she could face me. "Alice, please. This is important. I have so much that I need to figure out and I can't do that here. Not with Damon breathing down my neck and Jasper running to Richardson by himself. Yeah, it's probably a bad idea to tuck and run right now but it's the only option that doesn't make me want to slit my wrists."

Either the look on my face or my choice of words did the trick. I couldn't be sure which one it was, and I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. For a couple of agonizing seconds, I feared Alice would turn me in. That she would run and tell our parents everything then I would be toast. Esme wouldn't ever let me out of the house again, no matter how much begging, pleading, and bribery was factored in.

"Fine." She sighed and nodded sadly. "I'll even cover for you at the Lodge so you still have a job when you get back. I'll tell your boss that something's come up and you need some time off but I'll take your place so they're not short-staffed."

"Oh Alice!" I squealed and threw my arms around her for a brief hug. But, before she could change her mind; I was pushed backward and grabbing my bag.

"You better call!" She warned, even pointing accusingly at me as we walked to the front door. "Take care of Jasper and don't worry about anything here. I'll cover for you."

In that exact moment, I knew that the decision I'd made in Seattle had actually been made a long time ago. All because of the people I was surrounded with and what they would willingly do for me. I just had to remember not to take any of it for granted.


	23. Waiting for the End

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Oh wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted a chapter! I'm so sorry for letting so much time lapse. I haven't forgotten about this story at all, in fact just the opposite. I've been obsessing and trying to find the time to get back to it. I won't bore you with details, instead I give you the next chapter! Enjoy and thanks for sticking with me. I promise to try and keep it all flowing a lot more quickly now that things are starting to calm down for me._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just the rookie having fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: WAITING FOR THE END - LINKIN PARK**

_"Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had the strength to stand. This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control. Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head. So many things were left unsaid, it's hard to let you go. I know what it takes to move on, I know how it feels to lie. All I wanna do is trade this life for something new. Holding on to what I haven't got..._

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**Chapter Twenty-Three:**

"For the love of Pete!" The words exploded from my lips before I could even really stop them. It'd been nearly four hours since I'd climbed into the car with Jasper and we were both about ready to stop for the night. Too bad the only thing preventing that was stretched out ahead of us for miles and miles.

"I didn't know." He ground out, his face set in angry lines as he kept both hands clenched around the steering wheel.

He glanced over just in time to see the blank expression on my face before it rearranged into an outward show of aggravation. "How could you _not know_? I'm sure they have rush hour traffic in Seattle too!"

When Jasper didn't say anything, I knew that it was probably best to shut up. It took a lot to aggravate him to the point of silence, but when he did? The buttons were just a little more sensitive than normal.

Sighing, I just slunk back in my seat and pulled a leg to my chest. My elbow found my knee as my fingers threaded into the hair atop my forehead. I'd never really noticed before how easy it was to transition into silence when I was around Jasper. No matter what our moods were, it always seemed to find us. Like now.

Just as a song I really liked came on, Jasper's voice broke through with an angry thump of his fist.

"Dude!" I snapped, sitting up so quickly that my foot fell back onto the floorboard. "What did my car ever do to you?"

Shooting me a dark look, he just sighed then relaxed his head back against the seat. "It isn't going fast enough for my taste."

I just rolled my eyes then stared pointedly at him as I reached over to crank the radio up. Of course, this got an odd look from my best friend but I didn't care. Instead, I just decided to sing along as obnoxiously as possible with the velvetly lyrics flowing. "_You tuned me out, but now you're turning me up. I tried so hard but you just gave up. You tuned me out but now you're turning me up._" Laughter from the driver's seat prevented me from going any further with the melody but I was still dancing in my seat. I knew I probably looked dumber than hell but I didn't care! Anything to keep Jasper from complaining and tearing my car apart just because we both forgot about rush hour traffic.

"You're insane!" Jasper announced with almost perfect clarity, but I didn't care. I just kept singing along with the song, even closing my eyes as I swayed back and forth to the beat.

"I am not!" I shot back, only speaking once the song was over and the momentary pout had left my lips. "That was just a damn good song and I wasn't going to let you ruin it." I replied with a sense of finality before I nodded my head once then stuck my tongue out.

Jasper snorted back a laugh and shook his head. "Cute." He muttered, already glaring darkly at the bumper-to-bumper scenery before us. But I didn't care. I just went back to singing along with the music. I knew it was just a matter of time before he got ticked at my choice of music and hid my iPod once again. He'd done it until we left Washington, but I didn't care. I'd rubbed off on him enough that I could at least _tolerate_ what he liked.

"Next time I get the bright idea to be spontaneous, remind me of this?" He asked suddenly, surprisingly me so much that I momentarily forgot about the song I was mouthing along to.

"Why?" I asked rather stupidly, frowning pointedly at him when he glared at me. "Just because we ran into some traffic doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah." He sighed and I knew he wanted to drop that particular line of conversation. "Still."

Shaking my head, I finally turned the radio down then shifted in my seat to look at him better. "Okay, something's clearly bugging you and I don't think it's the gridlock we're currently experiencing. What's with you?"

"Can't I just be in a bad mood for no reason at all?"

I waited a good two seconds, glaring at him the entire time, before I shook my head with a sigh. "No, you can't. And I thought your reasoning was the traffic."

"It is." Jasper announced way too quickly with a sharp gesture toward the windshield. "I'm just saying...hey, you're the one who didn't like my original reasoning!"

"So you're gonna start lying to me now?" I asked then blinked in surprise. We weren't making a damn bit of sense! Shaking my head, I huffed out a low breath then rested my temple against the headrest. "Seriously dude. What gives? You were pretty quick to orchestrate this whole thing. I thought you really liked your life in Seattle."

"And I thought you liked what you had going in Forks." Jasper threw back, only turning his head to look at me. "I'll bet your boyfriend's pretty pissed that you aren't home yet."

At the mention of Damon, I immediately wanted to shut down and let him win. The significant others, or in Jasper's case ex, were sore subjects and I'd been pretty determined in not mentioning Miranda by name. But since Jasper was bringing it up first...

"What'd Miranda do to make you run?"

In all the years I'd known Jasper Hale, I had _never_ seen him tense up as much as he did at the question. I could see it in his expression when he shut down and sat up. "Don't go there." He muttered, pulling the car out of PARK and back into DRIVE as the car in front of us began to inch forward. But that wasn't enough for Jasper. Within seconds, he had the car on the shoulder and was pulling off the highway before I could get a good grip on the dashboard.

"What the hell?" I screeched, not caring how my voice sounded as we practically did two wheels going into the parking lot of a hotel located just off the highway. We hadn't been on the road for very long but my guess was that Jasper didn't need my vote in stopping for the day. We were parked whether I liked it or not.

"Look." He announced in a cold voice, his entire upper body angled to face me almost perfectly with his right hand holding my headrest to keep him in place. "My relationship with Miranda is none of your business. It never has been, Baylee."

His words and the way his voice sounded phrasing them made my back instantly go up. But instead of saying anything and furthering the possible fight, I just climbed out of the car. Since it was mine, I had no problem slamming the door, which was the exact reaction I wanted. Jasper scrambled out and caught me before I could pop the trunk to grab my overnight bag. "I'm serious, Baylee."

"I heard you." I almost winced when I heard how dead my voice was. But I kept my eyes locked on his and my arm limp in his grasp. I wasn't fighting. I refused. "Look," I sighed and pulled my arm from his to rake my fingers through my hair. "I'm sick of fighting with you. Maybe this was a bad idea. I'll let you borrow my car just...take me to an airport first."

I had no idea which surprised him enough to let me walk inside, if it was my lack of fight or the fact that I was willing to let him take my beloved car without me. This trip was obviously important to him, there was something he was running from. If that was the course of action he wanted to take then who was I to take that escape route from him? I just hated that I'd been stupid enough to believe this was actually going to work out. Nothing worked between us anymore. Not since Santa Cruz.

With a soft sigh, I walked over to the front desk and rang the tiny bell they'd placed on the counter. A portly woman appeared, her hair so grey that I wasn't entirely sure what her natural hair color had once been. She flinched when she saw my exposed neck and a small sigh passed my lips. I'd expected it, nothing new. But at least she smiled and greeted me like I wasn't some kind of creature from a horror flick.

"Hi hun." The woman whose nametag read Roberta, smiled and came to a stop at the computer to my left. "What can I do for you?"

"I need a room." I revealed in a small whoosh of breath. Her smile stayed in tact as we started the transaction but as soon as I mentioned there being someone with me and Jasper walked in, I could practically see the wheels turn in her head. I was either a whore or a charity case to this woman. Either way, I just wanted a room, my Pod and a set of headphones. Today was the kind of day that needed to be drowned out with some loud rock music.

"Will you need a king or two fulls?" Roberta asked, her eyes clearly judgemental as she focused on me. Jasper looked away into the lobby, probably with his eyes focused on the large flat screen at my back. Jerk.

"Two twins." I stated matter-of-factly with no real emotion in my voice. "He's my brother."

Surprise flickered across the woman's face and I could feel Jasper jerk in surprise at my side. But he kept his mouth shut, offering up his credit car when it was needed. As soon as we got our key cards, he disappeared and I headed up to the room. I didn't really care at that moment where he was going or what he was doing. Just as long as he didn't bring someone up to the room, I was fine. Well...sorta fine.

I couldn't help but wonder where all the distance had come from. Yeah, some of it had been a result of him dating Miranda. But still. Was that the sole reason for the destruction of our places in each other's lives? I knew I had something to do with it. How could someone get close to me when all I did was constantly push them away? Rosalie had asked him once, how he could've so easily given up on me. So what caused him to stop fighting for me? Why wasn't I good enough for him to keep trying?

Tears began to burn against my eyelids as I slid the keycard into the door and I slipped inside before anyone could see me. To be nice, I threw the large lock that would hold the door open. If Jasper didn't reappear soon, I'd throw it back and he'd be SOL. My thoughts were so jumbled that my body was just on autopilot.

After so much silence and so much time since the split, I was suddenly desperate for answers. Almost as if my body was screaming for air and I just couldn't open my mouth to breathe. Why was it so damn important now?

I whirled to face the door when I heard the hinges creak. Jasper froze in surprise and I swore under my breath when I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. I tried to hastily wipe it away, ducking toward the window I'd been facing. But he was just too fast. I heard two seperate thumps then his hand on my arm again. "Hey," His voice was soft as he pulled me gently to face him. "Talk to me, why're you crying?"

"Oh stop." I muttered and weakly tried to push him away. He wasn't having it though and his grip became a little tighter on my arm. As much as I wanted to pull away, my instincts were screaming for me to put some space between us...I couldn't. Hadn't I just been trying to figure out what went wrong? This was part of the problem. I had too many walls and he'd gotten sick of trying to climb over them.

"Stop what?" He challenged, clearly not letting this go as I pulled my arm again. He let go then, but when I looked up to see the expression on his face, I nearly buckled right then and there.

"Acting like you care?" I offered out almost helplessly. I sounded so unsure of myself, so insecure that I wanted to kick my own ass.

"It's not an act."

"Whatever." I sighed and tiredly dragged my hand across my forehead. "I meant what I said though. Just drop me off at the airport in the morning and I'll be out of your way."

"Baylee." Jasper started, but stopped when I turned and walked away from him. I kicked my shoes off then turned and plopped down onto the bed I assumed would be mine for the night. I was suddenly so tired that I didn't even want to get up and change my clothes. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep and escape from all the drama swirling around me. This wasn't how the trip was supposed to be going. This was supposed to be my out from facing Damon in Forks. Now it looked like I was going to have to do that anyway while Jasper kept running from whatever ghosts Miranda had left in his life.

"I'm sorry."

My head jerked up without my brain sending the messages. The apology was so random that I had to look up just to make sure he'd actually spoken. "What?"

A rueful smile lifted his lips for a split second before they creased back into a frown. He sat down opposite me on the other bed with his arms drapped over his knees and his head bowed slightly. "I'm sorry. It was hypocritical of me to ask about Damon when I refused to talk about Miranda."

"Why is that?" I asked before I could really stop myself. "Why do I have to be so open when you're allowed to shut down? And what happened to _make_ you want to shut down? Was the break-up that bad?"

A bitter laugh poured past his lips as he looked at the wall to his right before refocusing on me. "It was."

"Well..." Trailing off, I could only wave him on. I had an opening and I was damn sure gonna take it! The curiosity was too great. I needed to know why he was so desperate to escape his life in Seattle." "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Jasper clammed up again. Just like that! I could see his face shut down as he looked away and prepared to lean back on the bed.

"No!" I nearly shouted and launched over onto the other bed. Half sitting, half leaning over, I pulled his hands from his eyes as his body collapsed back against the mattress. "Jasper, talk to me. If this road trip is gonna work, if we're gonna ever fix what's broken between us, we _have_ to be honest!"

"I don't want to tell you this!" He shot out, struggling until he was on his feet with his back to me.

"Why not?" I sputtered. What the hell had he done to this girl? Or probably more accurately, what had _she_ done to _him_? My mind immediately began to concoct all sorts of senarios. He'd found her cheating on him. She'd found him going through her stuff.

...It was moments like this that made me realize just how lame I was internally.

"Dude." I finally sighed once way too much silence had passed. "Whatever it is, I promise you can tell me! We were best friends once, remember? That's never going to completely fall apart."

Jasper laughed then and the sound sent chills up my spine as he began to pace away from me. I nearly fell over trying to climb to my feet, fearful that he was headed for the door and I wouldn't see him again for a while. Even though he'd once accused me of running from things, he'd learned that same tactic. He used it just as often, if not more than I did. It was a tough habit to break but I had finally reached a point in my life where I was going to start trying. What good did running from your problems achieve? The problems were still going to be there in the end. Only then you ran the risk of them being bigger and harder to control.

"I honestly don't know how it all got so screwed up." He finally admitted as he came to a stop in front of the large window overlooking the parking lot. I'd taken a brief glance outside and was pleasantly surprised to see my car in view. That was momentarily pushed back as I watched Jasper lean an arm against the glass then set his forehead against a closed fist. "It wasn't supposed to be so damn complicated, Bay."

"I know." I acknowledged his statement with a small nod then sat back down on my bed. I took an extra second to curl my legs up underneath me, a hand on each thigh before I let words just form on my tongue and slip out. "Things got screwed up because you stopped fighting for me, Jasper. I know you probably don't want to hear me say it but...that's the answer I feel works right now. You stopped fighting and I gave up. I went back to hiding behind my walls because you weren't there pushing against them anymore."

"I didn't have the energy." He sighed and lifted his head to look at me. The rest of his body stayed inmobile as his eyes locked on me. "It was like pushing against a brick wall with a feather, Baylee. Just as soon as I gained some ground with you, you pulled it back out from underneath me. How much longer was I supposed to keep fighting?"

"Until I gave up." I had no chance of holding back as the words exploded from my lips in a quiet rush of emotion. My eyes began to sting again and warm tears soon trickled down my cheeks. I looked away quickly and swiped at the wet skin in hopes he wouldn't see me. But it was in vain. I looked up again in time to see him sit on the edge of my bed, his own eyes looking full of moisture. "I needed time to fully trust you. I was going to eventually give up and let you in but you couldn't wait for me. Didn't you realize I had so much to work through but I was pushing it all away so I could be the girl you deserved?"

"Bay..." He started, but I quickly interjected, even sitting up on my knees for further emphasis.

"No." I sniffled and shook my head, once again swiping at the tears now flowing steadily. "You need to hear this and I need to say it. I'm not saying it was your fault, the pressure I put on myself has always been by my own hands. But it was so much easier to hide in the version of myself I wanted to be for you that everything else got pushed away. Then there were times when it came crashing back around me and all I wanted to do was hide. To push it all away again and forget how my life had basically fallen apart. I'd just lost my mother because Brandon couldn't let her be her own person. She was _murdered_ and he almost killed me too! And then I wake up to all these...scars and basically feeling like I'd lost myself in that fire. I had to completely reinvent who I was at the same time contending with the past when I realized who you were. I just needed time. I needed to figure out who I was, away from it all!"

I'd been holding all of that in for so long that it suddenly felt strange to have it all out there. In the open and visable to Jasper for the very first time. While we were in similar boats, at the same time we weren't. He'd lost his family in a tragedy so different from mine. I wasn't sure anymore how deep the scars went, but I knew they were there and I wasn't discounting them. Timing was a big part of life sometimes and the timing had just sucked for us.

This was my realization just as three words brought everything to a screeching and sudden halt.

"She's pregnant, Bay."


	24. Maintain the Pain

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another chapter! All before the month mark too. Things will be picking up from here and sadly, I'll be wrapping things up soon. Or trying to at least since I feel this story is winding down. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I just take credit for originals._

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**CHAPTER SONG: MAINTAIN THE PAIN BY MIRANDA LAMBERT**

_"You slam doors and knock me off the wire. Been walking lines and you've been burning tires. Slow and easy ain't that what you like? It's insane, it's in vain. You stay to maintain the pain. I hear your name and then it burns a hole. I swear I hate you but I can't let go, the kind of damage you can't console. It's all in vain, it's all insane. I swear you'll stay, I swear you'll stay to maintain the pain."_

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four:**

"I'm sorry." I finally spoke after a few brief moments of silence. There was a hint of laughter in my voice but I could bet it was on the hysterical side, not humorous. "I could've sworn you just said that Miranda's pregnant."

"I did." Jasper admitted again and I could tell by his expression that he wasn't joking around. This was real and he was finally telling me about it.

But there was a small part of me that wished he hadn't. As soon as he confirmed what he'd just said, I felt like someone had just socked me in the stomach. My lungs suddenly felt like they hadn't been able to expand for a very long time and tears began to prick the back of my eyes. She was pregnant.

This meant Jasper was going to be a father. And I had just made a complete idiot out of myself. The revelation had me reeling all over again. Of course! It all made sense now.

"I see." I finally admitted quietly then slowly rose to my feet. I felt like I was going to throw up at any second and I still had the phantom ache in my chest.

"You see?"

I lifted my eyes to look at him and nodded almost numbly. "Like I said, you can use the car. I'll grab a taxi to take me to the airport." The sick feeling in my gut seemed to subside then. I had a purpose, a reason for my body being in motion. I almost made it to my bag when Jasper grabbed me from behind and whirled me around to face him.

"What were you just saying about running? Baylee, I'm not telling you this so you'll run screaming for the hills. I'm telling you this because...because you asked!"

Seeing the pure terror and fear in his eyes was what snapped me out of my near-hysterical state. This wasn't about me, I could deal with my own issues later. Jasper was freaking out and clearly going to our guardians was out of the questions. Esme would freak out, but eventually come around. She loved babies too much to create any kind of real strife with Jasper.

"You need to take her back." As soon as those words hit the air, we both looked at each other in surprise. And I was willing to bet that we were experiencing the same shock.

"What?" He sputtered and confirmed my thought.

"You heard me." I muttered and pulled my arm from his grasp. "She's gonna need you, that baby's gonna need you. You have to step up now."

I wasn't sure who was more surprised as he started to take clumsy steps away from me; myself or Jasper. I'd been hoping for so long that they would break up. That he would see the error of his ways and want me back. There had been tiny moments of hope but they were all gone now. Nothing was going to be the same after this. Jasper had to go back to Seattle, to the girl he was starting a family with.

A family that wouldn't include me.

It hurt to think about him having a baby with Miranda. Hadn't he been smart enough to use protection? I knew that Esme and Carlisle had drilled it into his head. They'd drilled it into mine and I was seventeen when I came to live with them!

"Baylee." Jasper's voice sounded a million miles away as he waved his hand slowly in front of me. My attention snapped back onto him with a sickening inner jolt of pain. "Baylee, I don't even know if it's mine."

"What?" I sputtered and shook my head slowly. I refocused on him then and ignored the tiny voice in my head, screaming for joy at this possible sliver of hope. I had nothing to gain by Miranda possibly being pregnant by another guy. But that voice just wouldn't be silenced. As it grew louder though, another little voice joined in. Why get my hopes up? The baby was more than likely Jasper's and if it wasn't, did this mean that his pain was going to be intensified?

"Miranda admitted to cheating on me." He started slowly and I had a momentary itch to smack him talking like I was some kind of idiot. Flashing him a look of irritation, a small chuckle passed his lips before he launched into the less shocking part of his story. "Remember when I told you that Miranda came by to talk? Well, she admitted to cheating on me and that she was pregnant."

"So now you're going to have to wait and see." That was the logical next step in all of this. Unless Miranda was playing a sick game on the prospective fathers... Shaking my head quickly, I blew out a noisy breath then flattened my palm over my forehead. But before I could say anything, the shrill ringing of a phone broke the silence and pulled our gazes from each other. I immediately recognized the tone I'd set for Damon's calls. Snatching up the small device, I hit ACCEPT and silently put the device to my ear.

"Baylee?" His voice rushed through, having the perfect inflection of worry and anger. "Where the hell are you? Everyone's worried sick about you."

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I cut in and glanced up at Jasper. Right then, I didn't even care what I said and how it affected Damon. He was the one who'd left, didn't trust me enough to spend time with my childhood friend without falling onto my back with my legs in the air. Idly I began to wonder if he'd cheated on me yet. Damon was a gorgeous guy and he had his pick of girls in Forks. "What do you want Damon?" I asked sharply, almost a little too sharply. All so I could cut my thoughts off before I had a mental image of the girl he probably chose.

"I want to know where the hell you are and when you're coming home. Like I said..."

"Everyone I care about knows I'm okay and where I am. So either try another excuse or hang up. I don't have time for this."

"Time for this?" I would've shivered if we'd been face to face, the sudden amount of ice cold anger in his voice scared me sometimes. "Time for your boyfriend, Baylee? Really?"

"Really." I really didn't care right then. I just wanted off the phone and fast. "My boyfriend thinks I'm a slut willing to cheat on him at the drop of a hat. So I wouldn't really call him my boyfriend."

He sighed heavily then and I briefly considered recanting what I'd just said. But one glance at Jasper reinforced my mentality. If he didn't trust me with Jasper...well, then our relationship didn't stand a chance. I wasn't the type to cheat on anyone and from where things currently stood, I wasn't entirely sure I could convince Damon of that. Once he had his mind set on something, that was it.

No turning back and no second chances.

"We'll talk about this when I get back." I suddenly announced, caving with every single bone in my body. I was tired of fighting, tired of constantly squaring off with a guy. The decision I had to make was perfectly clear and staring me right in the face. I needed time away from both men. Jasper _and_ Damon. Damon had come in at a really bad time and just complicated things further to the point where I often woke up feeling like I was drowning.

"No we won't." With my decision made, Damon's cold tone didn't bother me as much as it had a few minutes ago. "Either we talk now or I don't wait for you to come home."

"Fine." I muttered then lifted my eyes to stare at Jasper as the next set of words passed my lips. "I need a break. A break from you and a break from Jasper. Your mind about me is already made up so there's really no point in trying to make you see what is really going through my head."

"What?" He sputtered and I paused in hanging up on him. "You're with Jasper?"

"I was." I agreed then smoothly rose to my feet. "But you caught me on my way back to Forks. I don't want to see you when I get back. I haven't taken any time for myself since way before my accident and you know what? I think that's way too long to neglect myself." I pulled in a deep breath then flash a smile. To Jasper and to Damon, who would never see it. "Goodbye."

The phone call died in my hand then I turned to grab my unpacked bag. Jasper was just gaping at me as I crossed the room to the door. "Please drive me to the airport. I meant what I said about letting you take the car."

"Did you mean it?" His voice was so soft that I had to stop and look at him just to make sure he'd actually spoken.

"Did I mean what?"

"What you said...on the phone to Damon."

"Yeah." I sighed and nodded tiredly with a hand gripping the door knob. "I meant it. Jasper, I can't do this anymore. I can't bounce between you and Damon with all this verbal sparring crap. I need time for me. I need to figure out who I am without all this extra crap in my head."

Silence lingered after my last word and I grew a little concerned when he just started nodding his head slowly and silently. Jasper then gestured toward the door. "Why don't we just stay here tonight and we'll drive back in the morning."

"What?" I asked and raised an eyebrow slightly. In my suprise I'd let go of the doorknob, which seemed to boost whatever plan Jasper had cooking in his head.

"Stay here tonight then I'll take you back to Forks tomorrow."

"Why?" I was hideously confused. We'd started out on this for a reason! Jasper wanted to go back to our hometown, why was he changing his mind now? "Why are you wanting to do this? I thought you were deadset on going back to Texas."

"I am." He nodded once then flopped back onto the bed he'd psuedo picked. "But I can do it another time. You want to go home and since we're using your car..." Trailing off, he shrugged as best he could given his position.

I sighed then and let my head fall back before I walked back into the room and dropped my bag. I kicked off my shoes then and slid onto the edge of my bed. "I told you that you can use my car. I meant when I said it."

"I want you to go with me." That threw me for a loop! "I'm not going until you decide you're ready to go with me."

Eyeing him skeptically, I stood up and leaned over him. My face was mere inches from his with hairs falling over my ears. "What's up with you? Are you going to use tonight to try and change my mind or something?"

If he was at all upset by my stance above him, he didn't show any real concern. Jasper was the epitome of serenity as he laced his fingers together then shoved them under his head. "I'm not going to try and talk you out of your decision. If you need a break, you need a break. You of all people have earned it. I support you in what you're doing but don't think you should have to fly home when you have a car. A car that I'm not going to drive down to Texas unless I have you with me. Simple as that."

Looking at him the way I was felt like I was trying to see past his skin and bones into what was really transpiring through his mind. A sickening thought but I pushed it away as I stood up straight and crossed my arms across my chest. "You're working an angle, I know it."

Jasper huffed a sigh then slapped both hands onto the bed before vaulting up into a sitting position right before his legs swung over to lightly kick against my own legs. "I'm not working an angle! Jeez, what as Damon done to your way of thinking?"

My mouth hung open and my eyes widened then, before I was really aware of it, my leg swung back and caused my foot to connect with his shin. Jasper howled then and reached down to cup his leg with both hands. I stepped back and shook my head. "Probably the same damn thing Miranda did to you."

That struck a nerve! Just the desired effect. With a huff, I grabbed my bag then slammed the door shut behind me as I walked into the bathroom. Changing into my pajamas, I didn't bother to inspect my choice too much as I walked back into the main room and burrowed underneath the covers of my bed. "Goodnight Jasper, I'll see you in the morning."

And just like that, I rolled over onto my side and closed my eyes.


End file.
